~I'm allergic to bananas~

Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection 

Hey there guys. It’s me, in 2022, commenting on this post from 2016. There’s been a lot of people on this site lately being like “oooh no don’t make viral uwu I’m so pathetic, little, and defenseless and my poor notifications can’t handle 10k reblogs” well first of all ALL of us are pathetic, little, and defenseless and secondly none of our notifications can handle 10k reblogs and thirdly I’m not a coward and I think this should have a million notes. Not because of its own merit as a post, I just think it’d be funny if when I turn 30 this year and I reflect on the greatest accomplishments of my life thus far, I have to at least consider putting “famous tumblr popcorn post” on the list

There is a voice in your head that wants you to prove how you're actually the smartest person in the room. That voice is the devil, and it will make you chronically unfuckable.

i’ve mixed cranberry mikes harder and cucumber lime gatorade into a drink i like to call “the flavor” because like. you drink this shit and your tongue is like “there’s a taste here. you are experiencing a flavor” but when you go to open the door there’s no flavor there. it comes back with an undefined error in the flavor column. it’s the missingno of flavors. it so absolutely and definitely tastes like something and that thing is nothing.

im going to make this brb

this post reminds me of that one time a coldstone employee i knew by the name of jacob fucked up the ratios or something on a watermelon yogurt sorbet and produced an ice cream that genuinely tasted like nothing. not bland not water but nothing - like, the texture was perfect, your mouth reacted as if it was slightly tangy like most sorbets, but you actually tasted nothing at all. and if you mixed it with something it didn’t taste like 100% the other flavor either, it tasted like 50% that flavor and 50% nothing. like a distinct and identifiable lack of taste. my brain trying to comprehend the total absence of flavor became so overwhelming that i quit ¾ of the way into one scoop. we called it the jacob’s special and every day i long for its return

3500 years ago a bunch of people decided to build a tower to the sky and now I have to worry about keeping up my Duolingo streak

why would you blame the people reaching for heaven instead of the god who cursed them

It wasn't god who cursed them. They built too high and entered the Duolingo Owl's realm.

coping with the pain of living by being a little silly

still don’t really understand how some people have trouble just being nice

Oh my gosh you’re such a good person. Hey everybody come look at how much of a good person this is.

i literally cannot comprehend how you got offended by this but thanks for proving my point anyway

Can someone put this one in on the reverse? with the ‘no fear –> Be Kind to each other –> one fear’?

The original comic was about Simpsons porn?

This is possibly the most tumblr-y tumblr post I’ve ever seen.

the other day i learned that taking a long time to fall asleep is called “sleep latency” which is just the funniest thing to me tbh

me, tossing and turning until 2 am: the lag…

God gives his silliest battles to his funniest clowns

Apollo speak to me