I dont know how to feel about the fact that I was hit with another really stressful time and while that all sucks and Fortuna hates me, i am not... depressed.
I am in a position in which I needed to call a lawyer and pay money for that lawyer and I am not. Back in my depression.
This feels creepy, like playing a Horror game with nothing happening.
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I love how there are so many research articles out there â that are backed up by licensed experts and actual victims/survivors â that prove creative writing, including dark fiction, can help a lot of victims and survivors heal from their trauma (not all, obviously, but it works for a lot of people) but there are still some random people on the internet who are like âactually no I support victims and survivors, because Iâm such a good person, but if they heal in a way that I personally do not approve of then I am gonna shame them and call them predators. like why would they do that especially without my permission ewww disgustingâ
I hate math with every fibre of my being. I should get 4 marks for getting the right answer. If im on a time limit why do I have to write down every step I did
But here i am, practicing writing each freaking step.
So, math isnt actually about the solution, its about the process.
Maths is the scientific field of "proving", so your solution isnt actually only half important. The other half is showing that you know how to "prove" that your solution is right.
A good teacher should always give you half or even three quarter points for the right proof. If they only grade you on results, they are doing math wrong :)
im also obsessed with the interpretation of the blood ocean not being inherently evil or malevolent, in fact, it starts off rather loving. or at least, what it perceives to be loving. it wants simon to become part of it. it could've absorbed the iron lung and mutated it so long ago - we saw how quickly things went to shit in the final act. but its slow, always there in the corner for simon to be constantly aware of it, like a friend letting you know theyre always in your corner. it keeps the oxygen supply going despite the fact it should've run out days ago. it throws him into the cave. it talks to him, tries to entice him to join in anyway it can. come see the truth, it could save you, it has the answers you've been looking for. if that doesn't work, maybe guilt tripping is the answer, reflect on filament station, simon. "i see you". an acknowledgement. simon runs out of tape so the blood mutates to hold the photograph button for him. but the more defiant simon becomes, the more focused on his own survival he is, the angrier the ocean becomes. the creature couldve swallowed him so many times. clearly the radiation isn't actually a threat to it, we see it being blasted so many times in the end, but it continues its chase after him once it kills ava. the creature backing off in the caves after the photograph was a conscious decision. it couldve lashed out right then and there, but it backed off. "hey, im not a threat, im just watching, im right here for when you're ready".
just like eden, just like the COI, the ocean tries to force simon into a life he never really wanted. because he never seems to get a choice.
i just can't stop thinking about an ocean that thinks itself benevolent, when really, its just as cruel as the rest of humanity. or maybe, its humanity that is as cruel as nature. or is it a God? does it even matter?
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I finished the quilt Iâm gifting to my daughter. She is having her first baby., I have not washed this yet. It still has chaulk lines. I am pleased how this turned out.
The point is, Lucy is so, so, so Cooper-coded, and the more we learn about him, the more we can see why Lucyâs attitude irritates him so much. Basically, the guy has been beating himself up for 200 years for being an idiot, for trusting the Establishment, for being stubborn, gullible, and naive, precisely the way Lucy is in some ways. So seeing her is like seeing himself from so long ago, hoping in a social structure thatâs nothing more than smoke and mirrors, with moral values that, in reality, never actually apply. And his problem with her isnât really with her, nor with the fact that sheâs a VaulTec creation (though it might seem that way at first) itâs a problem with himself, with accepting his past self that heâs tried to kill off completely, but that always comes back to him somehow.
What I think both Cooper and Hank donât get is that Lucy is not how they think she is at all. Yes, there are a lot of parallels between them, but sheâs not Cooper. And second, this is something I think is made pretty clear in the last episode: Lucy is not a kid. Her father treats her like a dumb little girl, and Cooper treats her like a naive young girl and she's not any of those things. What it's ironically amazing about this is that then thereâs Norman, who knows exactly what his sister is capable of and doesnât doubt for a single second that Lucy could have survived the Wasteland. He even says, âYou donât know my sister,â because in a way heâs saying that he grew up with her and knows sheâs the most stubborn, headstrong, annoying person in the universe and if she sets her mind on surviving the Wasteland and seven nuclear wars, she will do it, because thatâs who she is.
And in a moment of desperation, before he even tries to talk to his father over the radio, the first person Norm turns to is Lucy, because Lucy is his fucking older sister, and he doesnât see her as an innocent girl or daddyâs little girl. He sees her as a reference point, as someone who raised him in the absence of a mother, and as someone totally capable, not only of surviving every single danger in the Wasteland, but of coming to find him and saving his life. Everyone underestimates Lucy Maclean except her fucking little brother, because he doesnât see her as a kid, he sees her as a role model.
Every so often Fallout (the franchise) passes me by and the hounds of an ancient hyperfocus awaken, tearing at their chains, blood dripping of their mouth.
I release them everytime. Like, omg, have you *seen* the second season? I wanna play Fallout 1 again. Get me my Cowboy Hatâ˘, we're going to die a lotâ¨â¨
Tumblr keeps showing me more and more AI Slop, no matter how much I block the accounts.
The crazy thing is: Either people are paying bots to comment or some guys are legitimately convinced that the gardening women who do weird concrete stuff and shift mid scene are real.
Text of tweet under the cut because it is loooong.
But... Stochastic Parrots.
Timnit Gebru was fired from Google in December 2020 for refusing to retract a research paper, and every single warning that paper made about large language models has now happened at a scale the industry spent 4 years trying to make people forget about.
Her name is Timnit Gebru.
She co-led the Ethical AI team at Google. She co-wrote a paper called "On the Dangers of Stochastic Parrots" with Emily Bender at the University of Washington and two other researchers. The paper was 14 pages long. It was submitted to a top AI ethics conference. And it was the reason Google decided that one of the most senior Black women in AI research could no longer work there.
The story Google told publicly was that she resigned. The story she told, confirmed by 2,695 of her colleagues in an open letter, was that she was fired by email while on vacation because she refused to either retract the paper or remove her name from it.
The paper had not even been published yet.
Here is what she actually wrote, and why every prediction inside it has now come true.
The first warning was about scale itself. Bender and Gebru argued that training ever-larger models on ever-larger scrapes of the internet would produce systems that appeared fluent but had no actual understanding of language. They called these systems stochastic parrots because they would repeat patterns from training data with statistical confidence and zero comprehension. The paper predicted that this apparent intelligence would fool both users and developers into trusting outputs that were structurally incapable of being reliable.
This was 2020. GPT-3 had just come out. The paper predicted the hallucination problem before anyone had a word for it.
The second warning was about bias amplification. The paper documented in detail that internet-scale training data contains systematic overrepresentation of dominant viewpoints and underrepresentation of marginalized ones. The models would not just absorb this bias. They would amplify it, because the optimization process rewards confident outputs, and confidence in language patterns tracks frequency in the training set.
The prediction was that hiring tools built on these models would discriminate against women. That healthcare triage tools would underperform on Black patients. That loan approval systems would entrench inequality while presenting their decisions as neutral algorithmic judgment.
Every one of those things has now been documented in deployment.
Amazon's hiring algorithm penalized resumes that contained the word "women" in any context. Healthcare risk scoring algorithms used by major US hospitals were found to systematically underestimate the medical needs of Black patients. Apple Card's credit algorithm gave wives credit lines 10x lower than their husbands for the same financial profile.
The third warning was about environmental cost. The paper calculated that training a single large language model produced emissions equivalent to the lifetime output of 5 cars. The prediction was that the race to scale would create an environmental footprint that would eventually rival entire industries.
In 2024, Google's emissions were up 48% from 2019, and the company explicitly blamed AI infrastructure. Microsoft's were up 29%, same reason. Both companies have now quietly abandoned the climate commitments they were publicly celebrating the year Gebru was fired.
The fourth warning was about documentation. The paper argued that the training datasets being assembled were too large for anyone to actually audit. Nobody at Google, OpenAI, Meta, or any other lab could tell you with confidence what was in the data their models were trained on. This was not a temporary problem to be solved later. It was a permanent feature of the approach.
In 2023, researchers discovered that the LAION-5B dataset, used to train Stable Diffusion and other major image models, contained thousands of images of child sexual abuse material. The companies that had trained on the dataset had no way of knowing. The paper predicted that category of failure 3 years before it was found.
The fifth warning was the one Google cared about most.
Bender and Gebru argued that the deployment of these systems would centralize linguistic and cultural power in the hands of the small number of companies that could afford to train them. The internet would become a place where the dominant voice was a statistical average of dominant voices, presented as a neutral assistant. Languages underrepresented in the training data would degrade over time as more web content was generated by these systems and fed back into the next training run.
This is now happening in real time. A 2024 study found that 57% of new web content in English is AI-generated or AI-assisted. Researchers studying low-resource languages have documented active degradation in translation quality, because the synthetic content fed back into training is itself worse in those languages.
The paper Google fired her for predicted the model collapse problem before model collapse had a name.
The mechanism behind why this all happened is the part of her work that nobody quotes.
Gebru's argument was not that AI is dangerous in some abstract sci-fi sense. Her argument was that AI is dangerous in a very specific structural sense. The technology was being built by a small group of researchers who shared similar backgrounds, worked at similar companies, and were rewarded for shipping products faster than competitors. The incentive structure made it impossible for safety, ethics, and bias concerns to slow anything down. Anyone inside the system who raised those concerns was either ignored, sidelined, or removed.
She was making that argument from inside Google.
Then Google proved her right by removing her.
The team Google had built to make sure their AI was safe was dismantled in 90 days because they did the job they had been hired to do. Margaret Mitchell, the other co-lead of the Ethical AI team, was fired two months after Gebru for searching through her own emails for evidence of how Gebru had been treated.
Gebru did not stop. She founded DAIR, the Distributed AI Research Institute, in 2021. The mission is to do AI research outside the control of the companies that have a financial interest in not hearing the answers.
Every prediction in the Stochastic Parrots paper has now been validated by deployment. Hallucinations are an industry-wide problem the largest labs cannot solve. Bias amplification has been documented in hiring, healthcare, lending, and criminal justice. Environmental costs are larger than entire small countries. Training data audits remain impossible. Model collapse is an active research crisis at every major lab.
The question worth sitting with is the one almost no one in the industry will say out loud.
Every researcher with the technical credibility to call out these problems watched what happened to her in December 2020 and made a calculation about their own career. The number of people willing to speak publicly about safety and ethics issues inside the major AI labs collapsed after that firing and has not recovered.
The researcher Google fired for warning about exactly what is now happening was right.
The company that fired her is now the second-largest deployer of the technology she warned about.
And the people inside that company who agree with her are not allowed to say so.
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i know it sounds woefully self-centered and ungrateful but i do think a lot of ao3 commenters could benefit from a quick how-to-talk-to-strangers-on-the-internet course
I hope you don't mind my adding onto this, because I totally agree, but one thing I've noticed more often lately is people commenting on a work who just say what the work is.
Examples: (not verbatim quotes because I don't want to put anyone on blast but the gist of real comments I've gotten)
"Wow, A/B smut!"
"This is the first story for this pairing!"
"Huh, never seen this [kink/trope] before."
And like, this isn't rude exactly, but it does always give me a sense of, ok, but why are you telling me this? I know it's A/B smut, I wrote it. I knew it was the first work for this ship, I had to create the tag. I know it's a rare kink - I enjoy it, I can't find enough of it, that's why I wrote this in the first place.
I've taken to replying to these type of comments with "I hope you liked it!" because it feels like the most generous way to interpret them - the person probably did like it, if they read it and left a comment, but they forgot to actually say so. Often they reply with "Yes, it was great!" or similar actual commentary about what they thought of the story. So maybe consider just saying that in the first place!
Better example: "Wow, I've never seen a fic for this ship before. I was really excited to find it, because it's so rare. Thank you very much for writing it, it was awesome!"
I realize this takes slightly longer, but it is much, much nicer to receive than a comment that just tells me that I wrote a fic. I know I wrote a fic. Let me know that you read it.
If you are someone who doesn't know what to say, a very simple "Thanks for sharing!" goes a LONG way for most authors. Adding this to any other comment is also a great idea, but in this case look at what it does to the above:
"Wow, A/B smut, thanks for sharing!"
"This is the first story for this pairing! Thanks for sharing!"
"Huh, never seen this [kink/trope] before. Thanks for sharing!"
It completely changes the tone of even the above comments from making an obvious statement to someone who already knows it to gratitude for sharing smut, venturing into this pairing first, introducing someone to a new kink/trope/etc.
If you want to take it a step further, you can simply make it personal.
"Wow, I loved this A/B smut, thanks for sharing!"
"This is the first story I've read for this pairing, and I liked it! Thanks for sharing!"
"Huh, I've never seen this kink/trope before, I'm glad I found your story. Thanks for sharing!"
You don't have to be a fancy wordsmith. You can take the obvious statement, make it personal, and thank them for sharing, and it will have a lot more weight.