How to write kids, if you donât remember being one or havenât lived with any
1. Kids never feel as small as you see them. A three year old thinks a one year old is a baby and a six year old is grown up. A six year old thinks a three year old is a baby and a twelve year old is an adult. Age is about perspective. One year is a huge age difference to a little kid.
2. Little kids might not be conscious of their physical limitations, but they can still be frustrated by them. A seven year old might see an adult do something relatively simple, like draw a straight line or perfectly crack an egg, and try to do the same thing, only to be frustrated when it doesnât work.
Imagine suddenly having an injury that makes a skill you use every day become difficult- you feel you should be able to do the thing, and you understand the thing should be easy for you, but it isnât. It can be immensely frustrating to have a brain that grasps a concept that language or fine motor skills havenât caught up to.
3. You know when you forget a word, and have to make something up on the fly to describe the word? Thatâs pretty much exactly what learning your first language is like.
You know what you intend, but you donât have a way to express it, and it can move you to tears with frustration when everyone around you is suggesting the wrong thing, or seems completely certain they understand what you mean, and they donât.
You donât have a word for âLaterâ? You might try saying ânext timeâ, or, âafterâ, or, âbefore tomorrowâ.
This might result in saying, âAre we going to the park next time?â, âAre we going to the park before tomorrow?â, or, âAre we going to the park after?â, all of which can result in different answers.
4. Kids feel like adults are a different species. They donât get why we do certain things, and they donât understand why we donât want to run around with them all the time.
If sitting still is boring, coffee tastes bitter, and long conversations only happen with weird-smelling strangers who talk to them like theyâre stupid, then they truly will not understand why anyone would *want* to be left to have coffee with a friend without welcome distractions to make it bearable.
Arenât you bored? You arenât doing anything. How could you possibly be stimulated without any food or toys or music or anything? Why donât you just leave? Do you *have* to be there, the way you had to go to work? Adults are weird.
5. Children have complex social relationships that are just as varied as yours.
A room full of third graders might look like indiscriminate chaos to an adult, but pick a well connected kid, and theyâll tell you that Megan is the fashion icon who can do hair really well, Thomas is the athlete, Gray gets mean when he has to share so nobody wants to play with him, Paisley canât read and the boys make fun of her for it so donât make her work in a group with Anthony, Dillon put a bug in their food once so theyâll never trust him again, and Matthewâs parents let him watch family guy so he says bad words and makes grown-up jokes that make other kids uncomfortable.
You donât see this stuff because you arenât inside the society. They are, and they do.
6. Time. Moves. So. Slow. Five minutes really does feel like half an hour. Sit still for five minutes? Thatâs like you sitting in a waiting room at the DMV for an hour. Wouldnât you get annoyed and impatient? They havenât learned to hide their irritation yet. Thatâs really the only difference.
7. âReading in your headâ requires understanding that you have a Voice, which people can hear, and Thoughts, which are audible only to yourself. This can be a difficult concept to grasp. If a kid is reading out loud, and you tell them to read quietly, thereâs a good chance theyâre going to whisper or mouth the words instead of going totally silent the way you might. Splitting the self into multiples like âInternal monologue VS public perceptionâ or âWhat I look like VS how I think I lookâ is alien and bizarre. If a kid thinks they look like a Dragon and you laugh at them? Ouch. They might be mad for a while.
8. Repetitive chores make no sense when your awareness of time doesnât extend beyond a week or so. Why should I wash my blankets? They donât look dirty and I donât smell anything bad. Blankets donât get dirty unless you put dirt on them. If you put a blanket in a washer, you canât use that blanket AT ALL the ENTIRE TIME itâs being cleaned. That might be an hour, but it will *feel* like a week. And you have to do that every two weeks?? Thatâs overkill. Why even bother?
9. Kids have opinions about adults. They will have a sense about whether an adult is âreal-kindâ or âfake-kindâ. An adult who listens respectfully to what they have to say, asks thoughtful questions, and takes their concerns seriously? Thatâs a good adult. An adult that oversimplifies their struggles, ignores their complex social rules, and gives bullshit advice like âjust walk away from bulliesâ and âturn your chores into a fun gameâ? Thatâs not a trustworthy adult. Thatâs an Adultâ˘. An Adult⢠doesnât consider them to be a real human being with thoughts and emotions. An Adult⢠sees them as an inferior, amusing pet. And they will actively sabotage An Adult⢠like that.
10. Emotions are physical at a young age. Joy might make their body buzz until they canât help but wiggle or jump around. Sadness might be a huge physical pain in their throat and heart. Everything they experience is still relatively new to them, so there is very little frame of reference to decide if this is a âbig hurt that will last forever and ever and never go awayâ, or a âsmall hurt, that can be fixed easily and wonât matter in five minutesâ. If someone lies to them about getting a cookie, that very well might be all the betrayal of your best friend sleeping with your husband.
Fortunately, a child probably wonât be able to burn all your clothes in the yard without your notice.
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