Dog Enthusiast

my dumb? founded. my flabbers? gasted. my gob??? smacked

my ass???? tonished

I'm in my sisyphus era but I'm pretty sure I'm almost out of it

aw hell

they should invent a hobby that doesn't require potentially destroying your wrists

If you broaden your horizons just a little, there's a whole world of hobbies out there that destroy your knees instead

fireflies honestly make me cry a little. out of gratitude and wonder. thank goodness we live in a world with bioluminescence. thank goodness we live in a world where it can fly.

they need to make a pocket dimension you can hide in where time doesn't pass and everything is soft

*forgets to message back* *forgets to check notifications* *forgets to look through bookmarks* *forgets to check reminders* *forgets to check out [insert content] that i said i would* *forgets to take my phone off do not disturb* *forgets to

My coworker said he was having a bad day and I said 'it can't be that bad you haven't started howling like a sad dog yet' and he let out the saddest most pathetic little howl I've ever heard and I was like 'damn ok do you need to have a break?'

Banned from manager training for making my coworker bark.

magic is real you fools it happens when you make other people laugh

smoking both ends of a cigarette "lady and the tramp style" with a beautiful woman

these middle schoolers are touring campus and one of them walked by me and said “hey what’s college life like” and i told him “it sucks” and he said “well it can’t be any worse than middle school.” he’s right

Take these words through your darkest hour, for though we maybe tired and hungry, at least we’re not in fucking middle school

sick of it!!! im gonna start attacking and biting things now

ohhhh i see. (does not see)

my swarm of Spine-Tear-Out Drones is finally ready for deployment 

*me leaving my house* you know what honey? You’re right. I need to be more confident. I’m leaving the spine armor at home today