mc

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

the weather determines if I’m going to be evil

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

knowing how it tends to go with male authors and their wives it was probably marge who wrote the odyssey

playing stupid games but im really bad at them so im not even winning the stupid prizes

thinking bout 2019 and how i took her for granted