Lady Pearl

Yes I do.

I wrote a few. One is called “The Birds and the Bees” a story about Kakashi teaching Naruto and Sasuke about the facts of life when they were 13.

The Female lead:

Chapter 18 snippet:

“Um. Ino… Your clothes…” Itachi began to question her appearance, with as much of an indifferent tone as he could muster.

“What about them?” she sensually retorted.

“Well… much of them appear to be missing…” he stated the obvious.

“A lighter attire enhances mobility” she said matter-of-factly while she slowly approached him, then placed a tracing finger on his chest when her body stood a mere inch away from his own. If he was flustered by her approach, she couldn’t tell. His ability to control his expressions was impressive. It had her doubting for a moment if her tactics were to succeed, but she was going to try this anyway now that her other methods have failed. Therefore, coquetry was her current and only option.

“Very well, I shall match your attire then.” Itachi responded, taking Ino’s seduction attempts as an all too serious matter of training. He stripped off his shirt first, but Ino’s jaw dropped when all that was left to cover Itachi’s chiselled physique were his tight-fitting black boxer shorts. Itachi’s body looked like a masterpiece sculpted to perfection, as if every muscle had been meticulously carved by an artist's hand. Her gaze was lost in wander to each contour and sinew that would leave an indelible impression on any who beheld it.

Noticing her facial expression, Itachi smirked as he inquired, “Is something the matter, Ino?” bringing her back to her senses, and pulling her gaze away from his beautiful body. Ino thought it was incredibly unfair for someone to look this good. She knew what Itachi was doing by playing along with her obvious excuse, but she wasn’t going to let him play the role of an ignorant fool. Ino approached him again and responded, “Not at all.” Feeling emboldened, she smacked a palm onto his plump ass cheeks as she continued walking past him to take up her fighting position.

Her love interests:

Sasuke was on his way to Naruto’s place to find Sakura. He needed to process what Kakashi presented to him and his usual method of processing his thoughts, walking, amounted to nothing helpful.

“Here!” Naruto appeared from nowhere and forcefully shoved a bouquet of a dozen pink roses in his arms.

“…” Sasuke deadpanned.

Naruto responded to his blank expression with a pout. Sasuke eyed the bouquet then raised an eyebrow at Naruto as he proclaimed emphatically, “I don’t know if your wife finally came to her senses and left you, but you must be out of your mind if you think I’m a plausible candidate to warm your nights.”

“I’m not giving you those to seduce you, jerk! I’m giving you those to help you with Sakura!” Naruto barked back.

From: The Second Life of Itachi Uchiha

Chapter 18

Summary:

Ino and Shisui fell in love. Then he went missing only to resurface 5 years later, but she was already dating his best friend.What is she to do?

Art by:

Left: @seoz-seoz

Right: @mayskalih

Snippet:

Obito and Itachi were speechless with dumbfounded expressions evident on their faces. “Why are you two looking at me like that?” Shisui asked in a doubting tone, uncomprehending as to why his cousins looked at him as they had, but Obito soon let him know the thought behind their confusion, “What are you asking us for?” to which he retorted, “What do you mean? I always come to my cousins for advice” matter-of-factly.

“Not with this, dating is more your forte” Itachi stated, and Obito interjected with a scoff and, “Yeah, we couldn’t even help you if we wanted to! I mean between the both of us; I still hadn’t figured out how to ask out the one woman I’ve been in love with for the past 30 years, and Itachi has never, well… he’s never even liked a woman let alone dated one!” to which upon hearing, Itachi swallowed a lump in his throat, and Shisui gave him a knowing look.

Obito noticed the exchange and asked with an inquisitive brow, “What was that?” causing Shisui to hastily meet his gaze and retort cheekily, “What was what?”, “That look you gave Itachi, what was that?” Obito repeated his question again more assertively. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, anyway, are you going to help me figure out what to do on this first date or not?” Shisui diverted the subject to avoid ratting out on Itachi’s one time affair. “Didn’t you hear what I said, we suck at that stuff, besides, haven’t you gone out with several women before Ino?” Obito responded, and Shisui retorted smugly, “Yeah… but those dates are different than this one” a self-assured smirk was beaming on his face, “And how is this different, exactly? Just recreate a date that you or one of your dates had enjoyed in the past” Obito said as if he was stating the obvious.

Itachi arched his own eyebrow too, but for a different reason. He knew Shisui had been infatuated with Ino for a while, but he had seen him infatuated over others before and would eventually always grow bored. Could it be that this Ino Yamanaka had succeeded in capturing his cousin’s heart?

“I want this to go well, and I doubt taking her back to my place immediately to get her down on all fours will give that impression!” Shisui jibed. “That’s what you do on first dates?!” The eldest Uchiha barked in amazement and then turned to Itachi to discern if he knew about this, but Itachi avoided meeting his gaze which had informed him that he did in fact know about Shisui’s conquests. A dumbfounded expression returned onto his face, as he realized Shisui wasn’t the traditional type as he and Itachi had been. He let out a sigh and asked, “Just out of curiosity, how many women had you been on these “first dates” with?”

Shisui started counting the women in his head and used his fingers as an abacus to keep track. When he had passed the tenth, lapping another finger count, Obito’s eyes widened in astonishment. Soon Shisui was done counting, and Obito’s look of astonishment morphed into vehement shock as he gasped, “forget Uchiha standards, even by the village’s standards, you’re practically a manwhore!”

Shisui’s smirk turned into a grin as he claimed, “Getting jealous, Obito? Bet you can’t wait to do that with Rin”, to which a flustered Obito started to incoherently mumble objections. “Hah! Thought so!” Shisui called him out. Obito’s face was turning red, and so he diverted the attention away from himself by asking, “Anyway, how do you end up moving so fast on a first date?” to which Shisui smugly replied, “wouldn’t you like to know” as a cheeky smirk evidently formed on his face. “Do you want our help or not!” Obito barked, and Shisui responded, “Yeah, yeah” with an eye roll.

“Perhaps a public setting would be in your favour, one where you could talk and get to know one another. That way you would be forced to behave.” Obito supplied. “Hah! You know, all my dates started out like that. I’m not the one who initiated the misbehaving” Shisui supplied, and Itachi’s lips slightly curled at the corners. He heard all about Shisui’s first dates. Obito was looking dumbfounded once more. “I got nothing” he gave up and raised his palms up to register his resignation.

“Why don’t you ask Ino what she would like to do on your date?” Itachi asked, and Shisui cupped his chin into the tub of his thumb and index finger, and replied pensively aloud “Huh, I never considered that. Thanks Itachi! At least one of my cousins is actually helpful” he snubbed Obito, who scowled at him in return. “You want some helpful advice? Put on a chastity belt fucker!” he howled at Shisui who had already left to make his way to see Ino. He then turned to Itachi, who met his gaze.

“So… are you going to tell me what that look between you two was about?” Obito asked, he had decided to relegate his prying to when Shisui had left, knowing that it would be easier to corner Itachi without his excessively quip-equipped counterpart. Itachi felt a lump forming in his throat, but his expressions remained indifferent as he responded, “To what do you refer?”

“So, you don’t want to tell me either?” Obito tried once more, but Itachi remained silent with the same indifferent expression. “Fine, you can choose to play dumb too, but I’m only letting this go because I’m getting the sense that I don’t really want to know the answer” Obito resigned, and Itachi was relieved that his cousin had the good sense not to pester him anymore about it.

Kakashi was given the very important mission order to teach two orphan boys, Naruto and Sasuke, about the facts of life. “You’re their sensei, so you have to do it”

Snippet:

Phase I: Excitement

"He revealed to her his engorged member…" Kakashi was reading a passage from the novel when Naruto interrupted…

"Uh, Kakashi Sensei?" Naruto called out.

"Yes, Naruto?" Kakashi responded.

"What's an engorged member?" Naruto asked with his eyes narrowed to a slit in confusion.

At least he's paying attention…

"… Uh, well, you see that's-" Kakashi attempted to explain, but Naruto interjected with, "And why is this guy waving whatever that is in her face?", too impatient to listen for an answer, but apparently had been reading ahead.

"Have a taste, I pro-promise you it's sw-sweet" Naruto read aloud from the novel, "Is he trying to get her to eat it? Is it food!?" he yelled in excitement.

Naruto was staring at his sensei with eyes as wide as saucers in anticipation for a confirmation but was only met with deadpanned faces from both Kakashi and Sasuke.

"…"

"…"

Kakashi's face was turning a little red.

"Can we go get some, Sensei?" Naruto urged. "Oh man, the lady says it's really big too! Hey Sasuke, do you want some?"

"…"

"…"

Sasuke was baffled by how this idiot mistook THAT for food!

"What?" Naruto asked innocently, mistaking Sasuke's expression as him questioning his honesty about how big the meal was, "you don't believe me?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him, and Naruto continued "She really said that, look 'I'm not sure I can fit all that in my mouth, it's really big' see! Oh man! I bet I can fit it in" Naruto chimed with excitement as he anticipated the huge meal.

"You seriously can't be that dense!" Sasuke remarked incredulously.

"What?!" Naruto yelled annoyed, "Oh, is it a dessert? I know you don't like sweet things" Naruto believed this was the reason behind Sasuke's objection.

"YOU'RE SUCH A LOSER!" Sasuke barked at him in response to his thickness, and almost popping a vein in the process.

Naruto has no idea why Sasuke was getting on his case, but he was triggered as usual, "SCREW YOU BASTARD, SUE ME FOR TRYING TO SHARE A TREAT WITH YOU! I'LL JUST EAT 'EM ALL MYSELF THEN!"

"…"

Jane Austen’s P&P meets Narutoverse!

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single shinobi of high calibre and last living member of a once powerful clan, must be in want of a wife.”

Mr. Darcy: Sasuke Uchiha

Elizabeth Bennet: Hinata Hyuuga

Mr. Bingly: Naruto Uzumaki

Jane Bennet: Sakura Haruno

Snippet:

Naruto approached Sasuke with a stupid satisfied grin on his face as he proclaimed, “Man, I’ve never had such a great time in my life!”, Sasuke arched an eyebrow at him and responded, “You’re the only one” Naruto gave him a knowing look and suggested, “You would be too if you mingled more.” Sasuke scoffed and said, “Ino is busy” but Naruto made himself clearer as he reiterated, “Mingle with someone you don’t know. Maybe spar with one or two ladies. There are so many pretty girls here!”

Sasuke maintained his stoic demeanour as he responded harshly, “You sparred with the only worthy opponent here, I will not reduce myself to waste my time taking it easy on a weakling” Naruto shook his head in disapproval then said, “That won’t do, I won’t have you be a grouch when all these people are being so kind and welcoming. Look, over there…” he gestured at Hinata who had been standing close enough to overhear their conversation. Hinata’s heart sank when she realized they had been talking about her.

“That’s Sakura-San’s sister, why don’t you ask her to spar with you?” Naruto continued, “I don’t think so” was Sasuke’s retort, “Why not, she’s just as pretty as Sakura, and perhaps she’s just as strong as well” Sasuke turned to glance at her, with one swift look he had registered that her figure was pleasing and her dress had emphasised her elegance, and for a fleeting moment even considered his idiot friend’s suggestion. However, in that moment Hinata felt his gaze upon her and the intensity of it could be felt as it sent chills down her spine. In a daring response she turned to meet his gaze. When their eyes connected briefly, he had quickly turned away and said, “She’s passable in looks, but nothing there to tempt me. Besides, I hadn’t seen anyone else offer to spar with her, no doubt she’s weak” he decided that Hinata was purposefully being avoided by other men for being too weak to be a worthwhile challenge and asking her would just be a waste of time.

What feelings of respect Hinata once had towards Sasuke Uchiha, had all instantly disappeared upon hearing him slight her as he had.

“You should return to the girl you were with. You’re only wasting your time here with me” Sasuke said so Naruto would stop pestering him and leave him alone to endure the remainder of this tiresome evening.

Ship: Female Tobirama and Madara

Snippet:

She looked up and muttered under her breath, “Whatever it is I did to piss you off, I promise I will do right by you. Just please, PLEASE, don’t let me turn and find him there” she begged the God who caused her current misery.

However, when she turned around, it was clear that her pleading prayer was futile.

Sitting in his car with his window rolled down and his head popping out of it to speak with her, was Madara Uchiha, her brother’s best friend and the man she dated in college.

“What are you doing here?” she asked in the most indifferent tone she could muster.

There it was… that sexy smirk of his. What an asshole!

“It’s Christmas, the season of family and joy…” He said in that infamous sardonic tone of his.

“Family and joy? I’m surprised those two words are in your vocabulary” she jeered back at him and turned away to continue shuffling her feet in the snow.

The storm had caused a couple more inches to pile on and her efforts were laboured.

“In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a blizzard” He called at her, and she yelled back, “Oh is that what this is?”

If she was to engage in this banter with him, then she might as well walk while doing it. If she stayed in place any longer, she would likely be buried in snow and would freeze to her death.

“Get in!” Madara called out to her through the roaring blizzard.

“No way in hell!” It was the last thing she wanted to do.

“You’ll freeze to death!” He tried to talk some sense into her, surely her tenacity ended when her life was threatened?

“I’d rather freeze out here, than in there with you!” Or perhaps not…

“Tobira, don’t be stupid. If your brother learns that I found you in the middle of a blizzard, and didn’t take you home myself, he’ll hunt me down and kill me”

Tobira…

The nickname irritated her. That was the name he called her by when they were together.

“All the more reason not to then” she spat back.

Link to fic: