poems n shit

boys sit on a bench together

girls walk hand in hand

new prams pushed by glowing parents

in the early morning sun

 skirts swishing against blades of grass

businessmen's boots

sinking into shallow mud

 around the corner

the rush of a cold wind

snatching hats

stealing papers

dour men on following on its heels

 boys on benches

move apart

legs no longer touching

as the dour men go by

 girls who walk together

pull their hands away from the other

take a step apart

as the dour men go by

 fathers walk faster

cast their gaze to the floor

hands tightening on the pram

as the dour men go by

 skirts slap against boots

the businessman hurries on

crossing the field of shallow mud

as the dour men go by

 the dour men go by

with life pausing around them

muted in a moment

they chase the heels of the wind

gone before they're really there

I shall love him forever

and I shall love him never

I shall love him for all time

and I shall love him no longer

 slender fingers, wild eyes

smile brighter than my sun

ankles crowned by wings of gold

gleaming in the light

 smiling deception

snatching out from under me

that which I hold dear

quietly repentant

eyes softened by regret

 years and wars and centuries pass

the pull of trouble grows

and dusty roads and stony paths

have never seemed so welcoming

 all day, all night

I call him to me

a new message to deliver

poems to my lovers

songs to fill a long, cold night

he doesn’t know, why would he know?

anajia, on a silver steed

bolts of moonlight

arcing through the air

ruling from her throne

made from the brightest stars

 deep below the wave

pallae watches, and waits

among her court of monsters

only found in the deepest seas

 there came a winter

deep and cold and dark

and the younger sister

rose out of the ocean

flanked by creatures of the deep

to wage war on the elder

 fighting on the battlements

arrow after arrow finding its mark

anajia knew

deep within her heart

they would not win

 the elder sister flees

upon a horse cool as night

while a queen is crowned

and an era ushered in

 firm earth is unlike deep sea

the kingdom suffered for it

and the queen unrepentant

ruling from a distant throne

revelling in it all

 in distant forests

a mysterious rider upon a pale horse

leaving behind a trail of hope

 tiny seeds

in among the common plants

rare and hard to find

but always there

 a quiet defiance

of the coral-crowned queen

clutching a kingdom in bony fingers

bloody ankles, late at night

razor tossed aside

a tiny hill of tissues

all of the blood-stained kind

 drips of red

decorating tiled floors

hurriedly wiped away

fingers crossed

that no one saw

 band-aids in strange places

covering awkward spots

long, thin scabs

picked away

time, time again

 red dust under nails

bloody crescent moons

bright against a sterile sink

 an itch

a burn

to feel the slip

the slice

the ache

again, again

early morning sun

shining through the clouds

painting streaks of molten gold

all through your hair

 flopped on plastic grass

hand thrown up to protect your eyes

tossing a cricket ball with tanned fingers

 long fingers fumbling with the chin strap

laughing at yourself

quiet breaths as I do it for you

head inclined close to yours

 cheers from across the field

I know they’re from you

every time the bat hits home

 adjacent seats on the bus

our legs tangled together in the aisle

seatbelts abandoned

giggling together when we slip at sudden stops

 catching your eye in the hallway

and giving a little wave

smiling like a fool

for hours after

 every time you seek me out

and smile just for me

the weight in my chest grows a little less

 I wait and long for the early mornings

bus rides and sunny afternoons

the snatched smiles in the hallway

 every time I see you

or hear your name in passing

I remember the occasion

I didn’t mean to kill her

I swear by all the stars

I loved her more than anything

I didn’t mean to kill her

 a spar or two

that’s all it was

a measure of our skill

that’s all it was

 the only mortal who offered a challenge

her blades flashing in the sun

bright hair swirling around her

 we used to bathe together

away from the noise and bustle

in the cool depths of a woodland pool

splashing one another

and drifting in the water

 late at night

the lanterns casting strange shadows

we whispered secrets

told our deepest fears

shared our first kiss

 she was more to me than anything on this earth

an irreplaceable warmth in my heart

and I didn’t mean to kill her

 on the banks of the pool

where we once bathed together

I place this statue in her honour

although it has not a fraction of her beauty

nor of her spirit

 so that I will never forget

I take her name as my own

a burden I would once have embraced

and let it be known

I will take no lover

give no man my hand

henceforth, I will be the virgin goddess

patroclus waits

on the fringes of elysium

staring into the mist

gathering on the river banks

 charon rows the river styx

taking hero after hero

across the shadowy water

and still he waits

 shades of former friends

spirits of enemy men

all familiar

none familiar enough

 the lethe bubbles over obsidian stones

a chance to forget

one pearly drop

no need to wait anymore

 sometimes he is joined

and they stand vigil together

a steadfast stare forward

and a pitying glance

 mostly he waits alone

in the cold and dark

paradise at his back

but paradise is not paradise without him

 those who see him

are reminded of loyal penelope

she, turning away a hundred suitors

he, refusing elysium

 at last, a figure

striding through the mist

and patroclus waits no more

elegant

crisp white shirts, sweeping lacy trains

candlelight on polished marble floors

dark wine, swirling in firelight

long fingers drifting across a piano

autumn leaves floating on a glassy lake

laughter hidden behind a gloved hand

sunlight in late afternoon, glowing amber

footsteps echoing in a silent hall

a thousand shades of blue

 decadent

champagne overflowing, running down crystal stems

red lips, kissing cheeks

dark wood panels, draped in velvet

gold twining down the balustrade

bright candles crowning chandeliers

the flowing song of a fountain

long staircases, sweeping through a broom

old paintings, with hooded eyes and quiet smiles

a clock chiming midnight

 outrageous

bright eyes, sparkling skin

vibrant little drinks

overflowing rooms already crammed full

a band to play all night

wild cries and raucous laughs

bodies twisting, twining, twirling

fireworks over the water

petals trodden into the carpet

glitters, powders, tumbling through the air

loud, brash, brutal

with a current of elegant disdain

a wicked glint in dark eyes

tearing books with glee

 rash, clever, outrageous

quick fingers tapping a tabletop

ink-splattered sonnets

a telephone call from god

 untamed, bold, beautiful

merry twisting lips in a pale face

raucous cries at midnight

brass notes of a saxophone

 wild, secretive, inspiring

and ageless leader of men

smoky fires in night dark caves

snowy treks at midnight

 thoughtful, knowing, understanding

dark eyes that see all

clap uncertain shoulders

nudge unsure feet forward

 longing, chasing, yearning

for a life just out of reach

and stretching for it all the while

unwilling to bide the time away

 burdened, closed-off, repressed

hiding away the ugly parts

red curls and steel-rimmed glasses

soft eyes and latin textbooks (and english and trig)

 unhappy, aimless, unrestrained

dark flashes of anger

old men with canes and paddles

knuckles decorated with blood

 self-destructive, force-of-nature

finally free to live a life now unwanted

drifting from bar to bed to back again

drowning in it all

 alone, helpless, lost

visions of a long-dead poet

crowns of berries, bottles of pills

slick fingers on a trigger

 older, wiser, changed

dark eyes still flashing, mouth still merry

but no part is ugly

hi ho, lady moon

where do your hunters ride?

with silver bows and glinting eyes

dogs chasing at their heels

 do they race through wild woods

chasing the mild buck

or do they stalk a lioness

on wide, sunny plains

 mayhap they do not hunt tonight

instead lounging beneath the stars

bathing in night cool water

 or have the maenads lured them in

with promises of revelry

even now they might run unrestrained

free of any mental bonds

 even you, my lady moon

may know not where they are

no matter, for if they be beneath this sky

you shine down upon them

watching over them

oh, to be a heroine

in a house by the sea

spending all day on the waves

nothing but wind and emptiness

air filled with excitement

 oh, to be a heroine

racing through the woods

on a horse of deepest midnight

pursued by all the vile things

who live amongst the trees

 oh, to be a heroine

free beneath the sky

fields and grass for miles around

birds wheeling in the sun filled sky

wandering for hours

 oh, to be a heroine

exploring the stony ruin

that has stood for a thousand years

shaped by rain and long dead feet

secrets hidden deep within

 oh, to be a heroine

ending each day victorious

returning home to the ever-loving wife

knowing when tomorrow comes

there was a boy

and there was a girl

and I didn’t like either of them

although I once thought I did

 the boy came first

and I moved first

but he moved fast

texting, texting, all the time

a date, the promise of another

so much attention

and I got bored

and let him go

 after the boy

I ruled them all out

he was the evidence I needed

 but then came the girl

and she was sweet

she was nice

and I thought it was real

but it happened again

annoyed by little things

texts ignored for days

because I was bored

 it happened again

and now I doubt it all

can I rule them all out?

should I rule them all out?

arches of trees

closing over head

drooping branches brushing shoulders and cheeks

not a patch of sky to be seen

only green

 a trail of flowers

soft velvet purple and sweet summer pink

winding through the grasses

tiny yellow stars, scattered amongst roots

orange bells, chiming on the bank

 babble of a brook

tumbling over stones

clear and clean as winter air

tiny fish flickering through

 golden pillars of sunlight

butterflies dancing through

a sunny spotlight

wings glowing like embers

slumbering in an abandoned fire

flirting with one flower

flitting to another

 a ring of stones

moss layered on thick

greener than grass

softer than the leaves

with you in the centre

 a glowing woman

with wings like a butterfly

offering her hand

you take it

and you’re whisked away

to dance all night

I wish I could be brave

brave like you

then I could say the things I want to say

tell the things I want to tell

class discussions

watching to see your face change

sharing an opinion

glancing quickly

to see if you agree

early morning classes

light shining around the edges of your face

edging it in gold

looking at you

looking looking looking

looking until I get caught

then quickly glance away

but sometimes I’m brave

I’ll keep looking

and sometimes you’ll smile

make a face

mouth something quick

and I’ll fall even further

one day

I hope to look over and see

that you’re the one staring

at me

you move like no one else

a walk that’s all your own

loose and slow

unhurried

unworried

long steps

arms swing by your sides

hearing your name

triggers a reaction within

sets off something nice

something pleasant and warm

starting in my stomach

spreading to my toes

one day

one day I’m going to be brave

and I’m going to say what’s on my mind

and because I was brave

by its very nature

the ocean is wild

the ocean is rough

the ocean is ruthless

the ocean does not care who it kills

and neither do its gods

poseidon with his trident

stirring up the deep

sirens and their songs

leading sailors into the mist

where rocks lie in wait

oceanus in his slumber

deep breaths stirring the currents

Nereus with his nets

pulling uncertain ships in

and sinking them for sport

there is a gentle current

threading through the chaos

one which guides lost ships home

returns shipwrecked sailors to the shore

palaemon, the outsider

a single helping hand

the lone warm stream in an arctic sea

the swell which knocks icebergs away

the winds which mask the siren call

he hears the pain

he knows the fear

the hopelessness

the desperation

and he helps

not out of spite

he holds no grudge against the others

but because if he doesn’t help the humans

words hang in the air

long after they are spoken

blood stains the streets

long after it is washed away

the ghost of hate remains

no matter how many years pass

on that street corner

they hurled rocks

over there, under that tree

the weapons they chose were words

there were so many to use

a hundred different insults, slurs, and threats

they used them all

didn’t hold back

now when we pass the corner

are mindful of past rocks

under the tree

we remember those words

the insults, slurs, and threats

and we close ourselves off

draw in a little more

to protect from the ghost of hate

that haunts those places still

they killed a man on the bridge right there

hurled them over the edge

a bar was burned, not far from here

and on that fence you see 

they left a boy to die

all of these

they’re in the past

but still, we do not walk at night

we see the phantom flames

and we hear the cries

of the boys they killed

many years later

much time has passed

but still

we remember

and I don’t think we will ever forget

your actions spoke a thousand words

your opinions oh so clear

and because of what you’ve done

we will never be able to forget

the ghost of your hate

will haunt us forever

because we know

I was a girl

and so was she

the greatest pilot I’ve ever seen

she had the head for it

flying calmly into danger

and coming right back out of it

I think I would have loved her from the start

if I had been allowed

but I was scared

I think so was she

because what else can you be

when there’s no one on your side

and you spend every day 

hiding who you are

and knowing you don’t belong

back then

there was no one to tell us

don’t be afraid

don’t hate who you are

embrace yourself, and one day

the world will embrace you too

instead, we struggled on alone

hiding away as those who didn’t

were dealt with

coldly

clinically

without mercy

but none of that

none of it

changed who I was

who I still am

who we are

and today we are together