Amish People open a Dark Fountain
(a lyric restructuring)
(or extra/changed lyrics added to a Weird Al parody.)
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my knife and realize its very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I open fancy things like dark fountains
At 4:30 in the morning, I'm trying to open one near my cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, they don't know, fool
And I've been milkin' and plannin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into dark fountains
Got the Roaring on my mind and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine
Then tonight, we're gonna open dark fountains like it's 1699
We been spending most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
I churned butter once or twice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
I dislike hard work and sacrifice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
I want to open fountains at discount price
Livin' in an Amish paradise
A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when I kickstart the Roaring
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude?
You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even opened a dark fountain in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired
There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury (except for dark fountains.)
Like Robinson Crusoe
It's as primitive as can be
We been spending most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Livin' in an Amish paradise
There's always time to open Dark Fountains
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all kickstart the Roaring instead
Livin' in an Amish paradise
Hitchin' up the fountain, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a Titan on Monday, soon I'll raise another
Think you're really righteous?
Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Ralseis wanna be like
On my knees day and night, attempting to open dark fountains like I'm trying to get into the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get the Roaring Knight on your ass
We been spending most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Livin' in an Amish paradise
There's only dark fountains
Livin' in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it's nice
Livin' in an Amish paradise