Maya Deren  -  April 29, 1917  -  d. Oct. 13, 1961

being 25 is like: im dying. im living my best life. im a failure. my life hasnt started. everything interesting has already happened to me. im achieving my dreams. im cutting my hair with kitchen scissors. im starting a skincare routine. im a corporate professional. im a sellout. im out of groceries. i have too many groceries. i am never going to be successful. i am going to win a hugo award before im 30. im crazy. im boring. i need to finish this essay. i need to finish this story. i need to start a newsletter. i need to start tweeting more. i need to stop tweeting. i need to ghost all my friends. i need to tell my friends i love them. i need to find a new apartment. i need to take out the trash. i am the trash that needs to be taken out. 

Sometimes I start thinking about gender and it’s like the expanding brain meme where I eventually get to “wow everyone in the world has their own specific gender” like infinite genders, a new gender for every person, no two people experience gender in the same exact way cause no one has the same exact life 😮

that Leslie Feinberg quote, “Gender is the poetry each of us makes out of the language we are taught.”  -- yeah, actually

gender can change but eldest daughter syndrome is forever

i think a society failed its youth if they feel old (derogatory) at 20

me, rewatching my favourite media for the hundredth time: it’s about the comfort. it’s about the nostalgia. it’s about lacking the necessary emotional bandwidth to take in and process new things in this year of our lord 2021