the thing i just don't get about the whole "buffy should be alone" thing is that her most consistent internal struggle throughout the show is a sense of perpetual loneliness due to her position as the slayer. like, her being 16 and forced into duty that she's not able to step away from. and when the show transitions from being about growing up to living in adulthood, the biggest thing that stays with her is this sense of perpetual loneliness.
and the way that "a woman should not be defined by the men she's involved with" associates to "women aren't deserving of support systems" is so,,, fucked up. that faux-feminist idea that women having independence is more important than women being involved in community (and the way the scoobies, including spike, initially form such a "it takes a village" approach to raising dawn) does such a disservice to what i feel the strengths of the show are.
and come ON! buffy holds her own both narratively and in the story of the show. she's never a character who's traits are changed or defined based on who surrounds her. while i certainly have criticisms of the writing of the show, buffy is such a consistently well-drawn character. but she is affected by the people in her life at any given moment. in the way any good character should be.
anyways let my girl be happy with a man who's able to see her in both her loneliness and her joy.