Dedicated To Gay Fictional Assholes

Oh wait…never mind…

Yes, the fics where Ilya goes to Shane's game in his jersey are cute and romantic. But why has no one even considered:

shane and ilya definitely caused some divorces; "I need someone who looks at me like shane and ilya look at eachother" "idk I get annoyed by my husband but shane and ilya spend 24 hours together A DAY and still want more" "ilya showed me the car shane bought for him and how he had to bid for it and restore it and drive 4 hours to get it and I dont remember the last time my husband bought me anything" "my wife just gets annoyed when I talk about hockey and yes i know it's my job but it's my life! hollander and rozanov watch tape together literally holding hands and she won't even come to games" "he never knows what I'm talking about or want and I have to spell out EVERYTHING and once I saw shane and ilya talk telepathically!!!! they didn't even say anything but they knew and I really want that"

a hollanov video goes viral and it’s filmed by a pedestrian where shane was carrying two grocery bags while ilya walked behind him trying to grab one of the bags but shane kept moving it out of his grasp and they appeared to have a very heated argument. and then suddenly shane moved one bag to the other hand and grabbed ilya’s hand and dragged him along. they appeared to still be arguing but ilya had stopped trying to steal one of the grocery bags.

imagining shane hanging out with his parents and while he's away from his phone doing something with his dad a call comes in. yuna sees this and goes, "shane, someone's calling you!"

myshane is finding the most skrunkly looking kitten behind the cens arena and No Ilya We Aren’t Keeping It he’s just going to take it to a vet to get checked out and then drop it at the shelter. until they get to the vet and the tiny kitten won’t let him put her down so they have to do the whole appointment with her in the palm of his hand. then he’s Only Taking It for The Night because The Shelter is Closed Ilya. of course the next morning comes and he can’t bring himself to give her up and that’s how Ottie Hollander-Rozanova joins their family.