Dedicated To Gay Fictional Assholes

Why isn’t there a female version of Grindr? An app for lesbians to meet solely to hookup?

living in the world where ilya and svetlana go on a zaney abortion road trip across the usa. and yes obviously she is pregnant by ilya. they discussed ilya throwing her down the stairs and also the effects of party drugs vis a vis abortion success before packing up his jag (with 21 miles of gas in it) and heading down the highway

it is CRUCIAL to me that svetlana is also an idiot. like they’re both incredibly smart and have stunning people skills and have drive and talent and shine like precious rare beetles to me obviously. but ilya is stupid as bricks and, as his lifelong best friend, i MUST conclude that svetlana is stupid in an identical way. All this to say i think they’re trying insane abortion home remedies they get from etsy witches ilya finds online when it’s svetlana’s turn to drive. and also from maureen the diner waitress who swears her aunt drank from a specific well and had a barren womb for the rest of her life.

they reminisce fondly about their route 66 abortion roadtrip in front of shane years later and he gets so jealous he has to leave to pace in the yard. it should have been HIM that got teenage pregnant and had to abort for his career while ilya supportively held his hand down a scenic highway at sunset! fuck!

Ilya making Shane wear his glasses during a blowjob so he can pull out of Shane’s hot, wet, perfect mouth at just the right moment to cum all over them…

huh. so i just found out "Torment Nexus" was invented for that one specific meme. i genuinely thought it was from an Orson Scott Welles novel. my ignorance is an unending source of surprise and delight

um. Orson Wells. H.G. Scott Welles. H. George Orson Orwell. Philip Bradbury. stop making me keep track of white men names

the names of classic sci-fi authors appear to have amalgamated into a nexus of some kind. one that is tormenting you, perhaps.

shane definitely gets horrified when someone implies that ‘ha ha ilya’s sleeping on the couch tonight for sure’ - immediate shift in the atmosphere - they’ve never seen shane so mad off ice - “can I talk to you real quick” and this person gets the most stern scolding of their life, they’re terrified, they’re sleeping on the couch bc their wife gets mad on shane & ilya’s behalf - “shane what did you say to him” “nothing”