One Man's Treasure

It's nice that loud noises don't stick to clothes like smells do. That would be really bad if they did.

If I was drinking with the girls and someone threw a dog-bitten rock near me, I would ask the caster what's up. Why we throwing dog rocks?

Domming a guy i hate and convincing him good puppies like to be named Hubert then getting his name legally changed to Hubert then ghosting him

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

and yet they keep making movies with the hopes that one day humanity will discover a way to watch them. it's so inspiring

i will send feet pics to the highest bidder. bidding starts at five cents USD

my feet are #worthless. this is fucked

notice that no one on MTV Cribs has an emergency eyewash station

thinking "everyone can tell im bad at this" as i stand completely motionless doing nothing in public

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

“Am I the only one who—” yes. You’re all alone. And nobody shares your experiences or loves you. And you’re floating on a raft in a dark ocean and there’s sharks and squids trying to get you and lightning is crashing and the water is choppy and black