likes goats

I spent several minutes just staring at them (and trying to convince them to bite my fingers.) When my sister’s violin lesson ended, her teacher came out to the yard and explained that these goldfish were the same small creatures that were often unfortunately sold in plastic bags at state fairs. They were only about two inches long apiece, when she bought them and put them in the new, empty pond. In essence, they were like every goldfish I had seen before, but they had been given a much larger, much richer environment in which to flourish. As a result, they had grown into some of the most remarkable, vibrant creatures my twelve-year-old self had ever met with. All because of a pond. 

and as i stood there processing the fact that this was what people meant when they repeatedly told me there would be food for me--that this was all that what was available despite there being at least two other celiacs in attendance--someone wandered over from the long table with a sandwich and started adding cold cuts to it. there was absolutely nothing stopping or even deterring people from contaminating the nominally gluten free food. sorry, "gluten friendly". god forbid we have to make a real safety claim instead of using a cutesy term that doesn't mean much.

i also became hyper-aware because my dad happens to also be allergic to corn, oats, legumes, and brown-rice, which are four of the most common ingredients in gluten-free substitutes. so he basically can't eat a lot of gluten-free substitute foods either

this all led to me talking a lot about allergies with other people, growing up, including many people with celiac. i became interested in the differences between celiac and my dad's allergies. i saw how difficult life was for my dad, especially surrounding food, and this made it easier to empathize with people with celiac, and i wanted to make sure i understood the specifics of their conditions, so i asked a lot of questions and listened a lot, which is unfortunately something that most people don't do.

one thing i didn't know initially was that Celiac, although less life-threatening in the moment than severe allergies that cause anaphylaxis, tends to cause a much more severe, debilitating, and long-term reaction than milder food allergies (which are, thankfully, much more common than the severe, life-threatening ones) AND these reactions can be triggered by smaller amounts of gluten.

so like, with my dad's not-severe wheat allergy, if he eats something contaminated with a trace of wheat, he's fine. if he eats wheat, he will have an unpleasant, but not dangerous reaction, that will usually last several hours and usually he'll be fine the next day. this contrasts with Celiac where the symptoms tend to last for days, usually not peaking until about 24 hours after exposure, and sometimes persisting as long as 8 days. (most people I know say they are bad for 2-3 days)

he also can eat wheat-adjacent foods. the protein he is allergic to arose somewhere in the history of modern wheat, so although he cannot eat modern bread wheat, durum wheat, or any of the modern Chinese wheat varieties, he CAN safely eat not only rye and barley, but also eat spelt, emmer, and khorasan all of which. this contrasts with Celiac where you cannot safely eat ANY of these things.

furthermore because he reacts to proteins that denature relatively easy with heat, he can eat some foods that have been cooked at a high temperature, so like, although he cannot eat pasta or bread, if there is a fried food that has been breaded with flour or cornmeal, he can eat that and won't react at all. this also contrasts with Celiac; people with Celiac also cannot safely eat ANY of these things.

lastly, Celiac, more so than food allergies, is more likely to cause long-term disruption of nutrient-absorption so it can cause systemic issues that seem unrelated, including anemia, osteoporosis, tooth decay, long-term skin rashes, fatigue, malaise, joint pain, reduced spleen function, liver damage, and nervous system damage which can lead to numbness, tingling, balance problems, cognitive impairment. although none of these will kill you immediately like anaphylaxis will, they are all much more serious and long-term than the reactions of milder food allergy sufferers.

because mild food allergies are a lot more common than Celiac disease, far more people will have had contact with someone with allergies like my dad, than with Celiac.

so they don't understand (a) how bad the contamination risk is even with trace amounts of exposure (b) how severe it can be (c) how the reaction can be long-term and take a long term to recover from (d) how chronic low-grade exposure can cause systemic declines in people's health and long-term health problems which can severely affect quality of life and even decrease people's lifespan.

but it gets worse.

nowadays there is a "fad" about self-diagnosed gluten intolerance and there can be a lot of misinformation surrounding it. now, there ARE people who have trouble with gluten for reasons other than Celiac. but there are also a lot of people out there who aren't actually sensitive to gluten but have come to believe that gluten-free foods are "healthier" (which is not true, because wheat is a high-protein grain and rye and barley are high-fiber grains that are good for digestion, when you eliminate gluten you eliminate three healthy options and gluten-free foods often replace those things with refined starches that are lower in protein and fiber)...but anyway because of all this shallow health hype there are lots of people out there who avoid eating gluten but they don't actually have a medical sensitivity, and there are also people who DO have a sensitivity to it but only in larger quantities. so none of these people need to care about contamination.

so for every person who someone has come into contact with who has Celiac, people probably have come into contact with many more people who avoid gluten but don't have to care about contamination.

and add to all of this the unfortunate part of our culture where some people simply WILL NOT BELIEVE you when you say you have a certain health condition. so there are people out there where you can say: "i will face such-and-such severe consequences if you do X" and the people will say "okay, yeah" but they don't actually believe you. and then they go and do X and then you face severe consequences and they just throw up their hands and say "whatever". and yes this is an unfortunately large portion of the population. even if it's only like 1% of people (and in some cultures it is a lot more than that), it only takes ONE person to contaminate food. and there are so many steps where it could get contaminated: in the kitchen, on the table if people are sharing a communal dish (or even if someone just lets something drip down onto another plate or bowl), or in the factory, or even earlier, at the point of harvest...like...an example is, all cool-season grasses have similar life-cycles so wheat, barley and rye are all likely to contaminate crops of oat, which is gluten-free, and it is also an unfortunate fact that there are MANY weedy species of barley some of which are aggressive weeds in cropland, so keeping all gluten out of the harvesting and production process, even if you are trying, is genuinely tough to do.

like people don't realize it but wheat and barley are such parts of human civilization, they're pretty much everywhere. i see wheat and/or barley plants come up occasionally in people's gardens, where it can get there from bird seed, or escapes from nearby cropland. there are even native, wild species of barley in North America, as well as "wildryes" (Elymus sp.) which are not cultivated for food, but can also contain gluten and are all over in the environment and can seed into cropland and contaminate harvests of any cool-season crop. and these grasses are all awned (long, narrow tips on the seeds) so the awns can ride on clothing on animals (which is how these are distributed in the wild) so they can show up just about anywhere.

and yes this is why gluten-free certified flours are a lot more expensive than ones that don't have that certification.

all of these lead people to underestimate the seriousness of this stuff

Part of socializing and having friends is being a good listener even when you don't actually give a shit about the subject.

Your are hurting other people's feelings when you bluntly respond with "Anyway..." and then change the topic.

It can not always be about your preferred topic.

If you are a socially anxious person, you have to socialize. Your panic/anxiety attacks will only get worse and trigger more frequently if you constantly avoid contact with The Public. Not saying that you need to be a social butterfly- but there is a genuine problem with not being able to order your own meal at a restaurant. And it cannot be solved by always having someone else do it for you.

You get the whole walk cycle and the little sprint at the end.

Sometimes her sprints last for like 4 or 5 seconds and she can shoot herself off the couch or into a wall if she gets a grip with her back claws. If she does it next to a wall, her head smacking into it sounds like someone is trying to break into the house. She doesn't wake up.

Shasta-Trinity National Forest, California

Clarence Tillenius (Canadian, 1913-2012) Kodiak Grizzly. Pen and ink, litho. crayon on card.

1) LAST NAMES: 

I’ve pasted the Top 100 common last names in alphabetical order, and bolded the ones that appear in CQL:   

B: 白 Bai C: 蔡 Cai ; 曹 Cao ;  常 Chang ; 曾 Ceng ;  陈 Chen ;  程 Cheng ;  崔 Cui ; D: 戴 Dai ; 邓 Deng ; 丁 Ding ; 董 Dong ; 杜 Du ; F: 范 Fan ; 方 Fang ; 冯 Feng ; 付 Fu ; G: 高 Gao ;  葛 Ge  ; 龚 Gong ; 顾 Gu ; 郭 Guo ; H: 韩 Han ; 何 He ; 贺 He 洪 Hong ; 侯 Hou ; 黄 Hua ; 胡 Hu ; J: 贾 Jia ; 蒋 Jiang ; 姜 Jiang ; 江 Jiang ; 金 Jin ; K: 康 Kang ; L:  赖 Lai ; 李 Li ;  黎 Li ; 廖 Liao ; 梁 Liang ; 林 Lin ; 刘 Liu ; 陆 Lu ; 卢 Lu ; 路 Lu ; 吕 Lü ; 罗 Luo ; M: 马 Ma ; 麦 Mai ; 毛 Mao ; 孟 Meng ; N:  倪 Ni  ;  牛 Niu ; P: 潘 Pan ; 彭 Peng ; Q: 钱 Qian ; 秦 Qin ; 邱 Qiu ; R:任 Ren ; S: 邵 Shao ; 沈 Sheng ; 史 Shi ; 石 Shi ; 施 Shi ; 宋 Song ; 苏 Su ; 孙 Sun ; T: 陶 Tao ; 谭 Tan ; 唐 Tang ; 田 Tian ; W: 万 Wan ; 王 Wang ;  汪 Wang ; 魏 Wei ; 吴 Wu ; X: 邢 Xing ; 夏 Xia ;  蕭 Xiao ; 谢 Xie ; 徐 Xu ; 许 Xu ; 薛 Xue ; Y: 阎 Yan ; 严 Yan ; 杨 Yang ; 姚 Yao ; 叶 Ye ;  余 Yu ; 于 Yu ; 袁 Yuan ; Z: 张 Zhang ;  赵 Zhao ; 郑 Zheng ; 钟 Zhong ; 周 Zhou ;  朱 Zhu ;  庄 Zhuang ;  邹 Zou ;

Above are all single character last names, but there are some double character Chinese last names, seen below (list not exhaustive): 

独孤 Du’Gu ;  公孙 Gong’Sun ; 南宫 Nan’Gong    欧阳 Ou’Yang ;  司马 Si’Ma ; 上官 Shang’Guan ; 宇文 Yu’Wen ; 长孙 Zhang’Sun ; 诸葛 Zhu’GE ; 

2) GIVEN NAMES/COURTESY NAMES

《Elements》: 

Light*： 光 (guāng) - light，  亮 liàng - bright / shine， 明 (míng) - bright， 曦 (xī) - early dawn， 昀 (yún) - daylight， 昭 (zhāo) - light, clear，照 (zhào) - to shine upon，

Fire: 焰 (yàn) - flames， 烟 (yān) - smoke，炎 (yán) - heat/burn， 烨 (yè) - dazzling light，  

Water: also see “weather” OR “bodies of water” under nature; note the words below while are related to water have meanings that mean some kind of virtue: 清 (qīng) - clarity / purity， 澄 (chéng) - clarity/quiet， 澈 (chè) - clear/penetrating， 涟 (lián) - ripple， 漪 (yī) - ripple， 泓 (hóng) - vast water， 湛 (zhàn) - clear/crystal， 露 (lù) - dew， 泠 (líng) - cool, cold, 涛 (tāo) - big wave，泽 (zé)，浩 hào - grand/vast (water)，涵 (han) - deep submergence / tolerance / educated

Weather: 雨 (yǔ) - rain， 霖 (lín) - downpouring rain， 冰 (bīng) - ice， 雪 (xuě) - snow，  霜 (shuāng) - frost 

Wind: 风 (fēng) - wind

* some “Light” words overlap in meaning with words that mean “sun/day”

《Nature》:

Season: 春 (chūn) - spring， 夏 (xià) - summer， 秋 (qíu) - aumtum， 冬 (dōng) - winter

Time of Day: 朝 (zhāo) - early morning / toward， 晨 (chén) - morning / dawn， 晓 (xiǎo) - morning， 旭 (xù) - dawn/rising sun，昼 (zhòu) - day，皖 (wǎn) - late evening，夜 (yè) - night 

Star/Sky/Space: 云 (yún) - cloud，天 (tiān) - sky/ heaven，霞 (xiá) - afterglow of a rising or setting sun，月 (yuè) - moon，日 (ri) - day / sun，阳 (yáng) - sun，宇 (yǔ) - space，星 (xīng) - star

Birds: 燕 (yàn) - sparrow， 雁 (yàn) - loon， 莺 (yīng) - oriole， 鸢 (yuān) - kite bird (family Accipitridae)，羽 (yǔ) - feather

Creatures: 龙 (lóng) - dragon/imperial

Plants/Flowers:* 兰 (lán) - orchids，  竹 (zhú) - bamboo， 筠 (yún) - tough exterior of bamboos， 萱 (xuān) - day-lily， 松 (sōng) - pine， 叶 (yè) - leaf， 枫 (fēng) - maple， 柏 bó/bǎi - cedar/cypress， 梅 (méi) - plum， 丹 (dān) - peony

Mountains: 山 (shān)， 峰 (fēng) - summit， 峥 (zhēng)，

Bodies of water: 江 (jiāng) - large river/straits， 河 (hé) - river， 湖 (hú) - lake， 海 (hǎi) - sea， 溪 (xī) - stream， 池 (chí) - pond， 潭 (tán) - larger pond， 洋 (yáng) - ocean

* I didn’t include a lot of flower names because it’s very easy to name a character with flowers that heavily implies she’s a prostitute. 

《Virtues》: 

Astuteness: 睿 ruì - astute / foresight， 智 (zhi)， 慧 (hui)， 哲 (zhé) - wise/philosophy, 

Educated:  博 (bó) - extensively educated， 墨 (mo) - ink， 诗 (shi) - poetry / literature， 文 (wén) - language / gentle / literary， 学 (xue) - study， 彦 (yàn) - accomplished / knowledgeable, 知 (zhi) - to know， 斌 (bīn) - refined， 赋 (fù) - to be endowed with knowledge

Loyalty: 忠 (zhōng) - loyal， 真 (zhēn) - true 

Bravery: 勇 (yǒng) - brave， 杰 (jié) - outstanding, hero

Determination/Perseverance: 毅 (yì) - resolute / brave， 恒 (héng) - everlasting， 衡 (héng) - across, to judge/evaluate，成 (chéng) - to succeed， 志 (zhì) - aspiration / the will

Goodness/Kindness: 嘉 (jiā) - excellent / auspicious，磊 (lěi) - rock / open & honest， 正 (zhèng) - straight / upright / principle，

Elegance: 雅 (yǎ) - elegant， 庄 (zhuāng) - respectful/formal/solemn， 彬 (bīn) - refined / polite， 

Handsome: 俊 jùn - handsome/talented 

Peace: 宁 (níng) - quietness/to pacify, 安 （ān) - peace, safety

Grandness/Excellence：宏 (hóng) - grand，豪 (háo) - grand, heroic，昊 (hào) - limitless / the vast sky，华 (huá) - magnificent， 赫 (hè) - red/famous/great， 隆 (lóng) - magnificent， 伟 (wěi) - greatness / large，轩 (xuān) - pavilion with a view/high，卓 (zhuó) - outstanding

Female Descriptor/Virtues/Beauty: 婉 (wǎn)，惠 (huì)， 妮 (nī)， 娇 (jiāo)， 娥 (é)， 婵 (chán) (I didn’t include specific translations for these because they’re all adjectives for women meaning beauty or virtue) 

《Descriptors》:

Adverbs: 如 (rú) - as，若 (ruò) - as, alike，宛 (wǎn) - like / as though，

Verbs: 飞 (fēi) - to fly，  顾 （gù) - to think/consider， 怀 (huái) - to miss, to possess， 落(luò) - to fall, to leave behind，梦 (mèng) - to dream， 思 (sī) - to consider / to miss (someone)，忆 (yì) - memory， 希 (xī) - yearn / admire

Colours: 红 (hóng) - red， 赤 (chì) - crimson， 黄 (huàng) - yellow， 碧 (bì) - green，青(qīng) - azure，蓝 (lán) - blue， 紫 (zǐ) - violet ，玄 (xuán) - black， 白 (baí) - white

Number：一 (yī), 二 (er) - two, 三 (san) - three,  四 (si) - four,  五 (wu) - five, 六 (liu) - six, 七(qi) - seven, 八 (ba) - eight,  九 (jiu) - nine, 十 (shi) - ten

Direction: 东 (dōng) - east， 西 (xi) - west， 南 (nan) - south， 北 (bei) - north，

Other: 子 (zǐ) - child, 然 (rán) - correct / thusly

《Jade》: *there are SO MANY words that generally mean some kind of jade, bc when ppl put jade in their children’s name they don’t literally mean the rock, it’s used to symbolize purity, goodness, kindness, beauty, virtue etc*  琛 (chen), 瑶 (yao),  玥 (yue),  琪 (qi),  琳 (lin)

《Spirituality》

凡 (fan) - mortality 

色 (se) - colour, beauty. In buddhism, “se” symbolizes everything secular

了 (liao) - finished, done, letting go 

尘 (chen) - dust, I’m not… versed in buddhism enough to explain “chen”, it’s similar to “se”

悟 (wu) - knowing? Cognition? To understand a higher meaning

无 (wu) - nothing, the void, also part of like “letting go” 

戒 (jie) - to “quit”, but not in a bad way. In buddhism, monks are supposed to “quit” their earthly desires.

You, you there! Remember it for the next time!