occasionally witty textposts

"I wish someone would see through it when I tell people I'm fine-" Well, but have YOU considered not lying when people ask you how you're doing?

"I am so resentful of my friend because they keep doing this thing that really bothers me-" Well, but have YOU directly communicated that the thing is bothering you?

"I am burning out because my friend keeps expecting me to help them with serious struggles-" Well, but have YOU tried to establish the boundaries you need to feel okay?

"No one ever asks me about this thing I really care about-" Well, but have YOU brought it up yourself?

"I miss my friend but they haven't texted me-" Well, but have YOU been reaching out to them?

Being cared for is not a fantasy. But you have to let people know you need it. And you have to understand that sometimes they will let you down. Just like you totally could live in a cute farm, but you still have to shovel shit, and the crops sometimes die anyway. Or maybe you win the lottery, but you still have to manage your money and learn real estate law.

I’m starting a goddamn tradition here

Every year on January 1st I’ll write something here

Whether it be a meme, resolutions, hopes, dreams-today it’ll be a letter to future me. It’s cheesy, it’s cliche, and dumb, but I’m gonna do it.

Dear Future Me,

Whether you call yourself Seoyeon, May, or Sam, I hope you have what you want-I hope you’ve worked hard enough to not settle for a decent life, but to chase after a life that you’re happy with. I hope you’ve been on Broadway, or you’re working on it, or you’re in a show now. I hope you’ve joined the Coast Guard, and become a photographer. I hope you’ve gone on a road trip around the U.S, to all the small places. I hope you’ve gone to somewhere in New York, and it’s not a bad idea to visit Austin. I hope you’ve decided to live in either New York, or Alaska. You don’t have any romantic views about New York, you know what it is. You actually prefer the natural world to the city. But you have to try it, right?

I hope you’re able to chase after freedom, and if not for your own freedom than the freedom of others.

I hope your motto still applies.

“If not for you, for others.”

I hope you’re still in touch with Sydney. Austrailia Smith, yeah. I hope you still want to foster kids, dogs and cats, change lives, change the world, become a part of a history textbook. I hope you’re wishing for another tomorrow, still in love with Hamilton (An American Musical) and just working hard to get where you want.

I hope you’re not in an abusive relationship, I hope you’re not getting married, because that ties someone down. I hope you still know that you’re demiromantic/sexual. Right now you’re straight (bicurious to be honest)

I hope you’ve been doing everything you know how to.

It’s not easy. Maybe you’re crushed with debt from collage, or working a job as a waitress. Maybe you’re barely scraping by, just dreaming.

Keep working hon. You’ll get there someday, but you’re never going to if you stop trying.

Change the world.

Change lives.

Change a life.

Change.

Love,

we about to get this bread

To the Girl with 15 Names,

Last year, you wrote about changing the world, and honestly, you forgot about it. Things took over, couldn’t make you see that the world is so much bigger than you are. You got embarrassed, stopped being so out there, because it caused you shame when it was over. But in the moment? It felt right. It’s 2019 now, one step closer to the rest of your life. So you forgot your motto, what you wanted to do. 

Change the world.

Because the world is changing. It is always going to change, and it won’t ever stop. But how it changes? That’s up to us. That’s up to you. You, being the age you are, are the future. So take steps. Start making changes, because you forgot how important that is. You know how to.

Changing the world. It’s a common theme in these letters, so far, and it’ll keep being like that until something actually happens.

This year, you’re in musical theatre at school, and it’s the best class you have all day. You identify as bisexual. Career Goals: Be on Broadway. In 2018 you sent an email to Mr. Swain, the principal, to start a GSA. There isn’t any word on that yet. Maybe there never will be, but the fact is? You tried. And hey, maybe, just maybe? That’s enough.

You love musicals. Oceanborn, Hamilton, Waitress, Dear Evan Hansen, and you’re planning on listening to so many more.

Maybe it’s 2020 now, and you’re in need of something to hold onto. Maybe it’s been the worst year of your life, and you’re wondering if 2020 is worth looking into-and it will be. That’ll be hard, coming from someone who doesn’t know what’s gonna hit them at any second, but life is always going to get better. You just have to be there to see it.

Ask questions. Don’t take things as they are, don’t look and just accept things. Eric told you that. 

The world is your oyster, so get up, get ready, and win! (that was dumb, but also a lilsimsie reference, so it’s aight)

I don’t know what else to add on. There’s more I need to say, right?

Oh yeah.

Stop and smell the roses. Be aware of the air you’re breathing, now and again. Revel in the wind, sing about the sun. The world around you has so much to offer, so don’t let it become one, continuous background. White noise. You might look out the window and see the same view, house, car, street, but the sky always changes. The birds are singing a different tune. Be aware of the air you’re breathing. 

Be yourself with no apologies, because the people around you don’t matter. You know the people who love you don’t care what you say, and there is nobody else that matters in that school. No apologies, no regrets.

Say goodbye, and hello. You’re high school this year-so hold your old friends tight, and let in new ones.  

My hope for this year is that you make an impact on the world, that you live your days so that you can remember them. To stop being afraid of looking too not-humble and just volunteering for everything you want to do. Being shy gives you no benefits. You can’t tap softly on the front door and expect the person upstairs to hear and let you in. 

Chase after freedom. Yours. Others. You might have to wait for it, but they can’t order you to stop dreaming. So look for it. Go after it.

Go. The year’s waiting for you.

With love, 

dear seoyeon,

the world fucking sucks! it’s true, but so many things happened in 2019. you performed in the little mermaid jr. you graduated middle school. you went to camp barnabas, cinnabunn died (may he rest in peace). you went to duke tip and met some of the best people, learned beyond what you could ever have known. you entered high school, kept some old friends and definitely made new ones. so while the world sucks with all its climate change and awful politics (trump is in a peach ahaha) and antisemitism, the world is still a good place. overall, this is the year you remember the most. 2019 has been truly something. you started off the new year getting called racial slurs, and now you have the best internet friends you could ask for. life is better.

you mentioned this year that if all the love in the world was in a ramen noodle bag, that the bag would be full. erin and kunhee said it’d be close to/empty, and jenny said that it can’t fit in a ramen noodle bag. hold onto that, will you?

i’m honestly feeling a little overwhelmed reading these letters to myself. like i’m about to float out of my own head.

the future is kind of overwhelming, and that’s alright. you’ve decided that you don’t need labels, as long as people know that you’re Not Straight. so you’re gay, and i think you’re gonna stay that way.

most of these letters have a sort of theme to them, don’t they? change, live, and i think this year could be to fight for the best things.

the decade is almost ending and you’ve turned 15, a proper teenage number. kind of. i think 16 is when you’re a proper teenager, even if you don’t feel like one.

you actually have a new years resolution this year :) you made a podcast called 52.14, and it’s where you’ll post once a week a songwriting process and the end product. the goal is to write 52 songs by this time next year :)

brian’s leaving the house. thats NOT FINE but it’s gonna be

the advice i’m giving you right now is to be angry, fight the good fight, and defy expectations. keep being, “too much to handle”, and “loud as fuck”, because they define you. stop caring about the people that’ll never give a fuck about you and push through that embarassment. be angry. alongside that, create, write, and give what you dont know you have. be happy and have emotions. you’re going to be something amazing, ok? don’t give up.

yes, you still like broadway. you still like hamilton and wicked and waitress and dear evan hansen and oceanborn, and you really do like beetlejuice and in the heights and six. you’re expanding, if slowly, and it’s brilliant.

yes, you still want to change the world. you don’t know how, because all this bad news tends to weigh you down, but there’s gotta be something, and you can’t give up. they can tell you to stop dreaming, but that doesn’t mean you will.

honestly, live your best life. give zero fucks. 2020 is going to be something.

you’re graduating in three years. class of 2023, whoo.

i really hope you make dragon pride this year. try your hardest.

everything feels like forever ago. it’s brilliant.

give the love you have, ok? use it and make it into something powerful.

love,

15

dear sexy beast,

i’m not going to read what i wrote before-i’ll do that after-because i want to write this letter with what genuinely comes to mind, not what inspires me to write

2020 was a big fat year. you lost. maybe less than others, but you lost simba in february and lemon in june and all you hope is that they’re better than they were before. you lost the end of freshman year and a lot of sophomore year. you lost friends to time and you lost experiences, your mom had cancer. it sucked, but that’s ok, because you won, too. a lot.

you won so many new friends, so much more experience, so much more knowledge. you wrote music and released some that made people laugh and love. you learned how to embroider and started a scrapbook you never finished. you honed the art of self-timer pics. you spent time with yourself, you wrote something and finished it, and better yet you’re genuinely proud of it. you actually got into the musical theatre class and you love love love it. you got into the musical this year, bright star. you learned new music, you gained a whole ass new rabbit-louisiana purchase, who is so so so happy. you realized how close you have to hold the people you love.

so yeah, thank you 2020. thanks for the lessons, the memories, the crying and the love it took to get through. but also, fuck you.

the world was having a bad time this year, but people came through, because humanity is kind like that. thousands showed up for the BLM rallies this summer. you weren’t there physcally, but you tried to sign petitions as much as possible. people struggled through covid. for a long time, the world was uncertain. it’s still uncertain. there were fucking murder hornets this year, it was wack.

gay identity update: fully identify as just queer. dunno what that means? i just like everybody, simple as that. im going to try out she/they pronouns soon. i think it’ll be interesting.

i think averno itself deserves a new category. you joined averno on july fourth, and you became a mod by the end of the month. by august, you were part of the team. it’s fantastic, all these people you’ve met and laughed and loved with. i mean, you regularly talk to morgan smith now. tell 2018 you THAT. you’re part of a press team for a universe that hit #7 on billboard. that’s crazy! i hope you’re still with them by next year. i get a feeling that you will. to name a few: ella, tessa, abigail, tyynneys system, wyland (not averno but whatever), leo kate, elodie, emi, robin, sophie-all of these and more are just fantastic people you’ve met this year

friend update: sophie mcallen and ashmita kalyanaraman are, unsurprisingly, still your best friends. you have erin, celine, crystal, joanne (though im 90% sure she hates me) are also some best friends heehoo!! you’ve gained new friends by meeting them online through sophie’s server, like jamie, major, and howl. i’m happy to say that sydney is out of my life, sorry 13 year old me. im 16 now! jesus christ! <3 you got max and new friends like alex, nick, you got closer with gabe and sophia, cassie (? i feel like im not cool enough lol), im literally just listing people from my musical theatre class but those are the only people i’ve met all year lol

this year was the year that steve rogers and bucky barnes unexpectedly took over your life. jesus fuckin christ girl, you haven’t even watched 80% of the mcu. get a grip. congrats on letting go of lams though-still love them to death, just not obsessively reading through the entire ao3 tag.

currently, you still want to be too many things. you want to be on broadway, you want to be an EMT, you want to be a tattoo artist, you want to be a writer, but overall you just want to go on a roadtrip and live in a cottage in the woods. also no school. agh.

you found out that chisholm has a GSA now. wack how your legacy can effect things after you’re gone. you’re on tiktok now! you’re running an ARG! you started doing cool shit to your instagram posts! didn’t make dragon pride but that’s ok! you might this year. this year has been sososososo full. you spent new years having a good day for once! you were with sophie and ashmita and it was great.

take more opportunities in 2021. things are already looking to be kind of special-you can release music on spotify soon, and supporting sophie on her streams will be fun. you’ll perform in bright star in april, i believe. your junior year is coming up soon. it’s going to be weird, it’s going to be wonderful. it might crush you, but everything is looking up.

the world was hurting this year. it’s time to love, and it’s time to give. it’s also time to get your license. and watch hamilton on disney+.

so do what you can to give more love, and have a fantastic 2021.

if anything, you are so, so loved by so many people.

some people that made this year better: alyssa hurtado, sophie, ashmita, camella, alex hunsaker, ms. whitcher, erin, crystal, porter, ella, and so many more people.

2021 was a year of healing. a rest, a reprieve from what happened in 2020. yes, there were horrible things that happened, like a goddamn insurrection, but bad things happen every year. it was just a year, and it was good for what it was.

junior year has been good to you. not as hard as people make it out to be, not as easy either. just goes to show that you are perfectly prepared for what’s coming for you.

the camera roll backslide section:

you rode a limo and went through the trail of lights for the first time ever at jewel pierson’s birthday party, of all things

european history is so much fun. you did emo thursday for finals and it was fantastic. none of us are going to pass the ap test

you went to thespian state!! at the gaylord hotel!! it was so much and it was so fun and AAAAAAA i can’t wait to go next year

went to boston! that was fun

halloween was great. sophie got a car this year. it’s a fuckin mini cooper.

you were in the fall play!! it’s called “almost, maine” and it was your largest role yet!! you did a duet scene and were on stage for ten consecutive minutes holy shit!!

went to hoco with sophie, which was not a sentence i ever thought i’d write. you have a dumb crush on them and you want to be with them forever because you’re a dumb romantic.

cut all your hair off again! also dyed it pink!!

it snowed like twice lol

bright star was a HUGE success and i don’t think we’ll ever recreate something so good. it was outdoors due to covid but the venue just made it magical in a way that indoors could never replicate.

isn’t it crazy, how you got everything you wanted? you wanted to be choir officer by at junior year, you got it. you wanted to be thespians officer by junior year, you got that too. you wanted to be in show choir, and hey, you got that too. if i could tell her, my younger self, that she did it? if i could hold her close and let her know how proud i was? she would lose her shit. i love her. and i hope that in three years from now i read this letter and think to myself that i love my seventeen year old self too.

don’t be so focused on the future that you forget to have fun.

the SAT’s are a constant, swinging guillotine over your neck. you haven’t gotten the scores you wanted yet to get into your dream schools, nor do you have the volunteer opportunities and extracurriculars to back it up. spring semester junior year is going to get busy, and you, like elle woods, can do it. i believe in you.

dream schools: brown or dartmouth

you’ve finally decided on what you’re going to study! anthropology. that could change, but for now it’s anthropology because you love humanity and you love history. you have a little bit of “i want to save the world” in you.

i believe in my ability to make that a lot. be bolder in your beliefs. it’s gonna be ok. you are not made of shame for having faith in your convictions.

you spent new years eve with ashmita and sophie, and most of new years day. it was nice, and it was fun, and it was easy. cherish it, hold onto it, keep it safe for when the world gets to be too much. high school’s almost over and the next time you write a letter to yourself, you’ll be eighteen. an adult. it’s gonna be ok—getting older isn’t so scary when you’re with the right people.

you lost sophie for a long time this year and it hurt. it hurt like a bitch. be brave. they’re not made of glass and you’re going to be fine, don’t waste the time you have left. love ardently, openly, without hesitation. you’re going to stumble but it’s nothing bandaids can’t fix.

you got into more witchcraft, specifically tarot. it’s alyssa’s fault to be honest, but it’s fun. it’s lovely. i hope i get to see more of it.

update! averno is no more. it was an internet cult and it crashed and burned in late july. thank god. you’re working with ella still on her project afterglow. i hope she gets everything she wants.

you’re comfortable in your identity now. hi, i’m seoyeon park and i use she/they pronouns. i identify as queer. the sky is blue, the moon affects the tides. congratulations, it took a long time to get here, and i don’t regret a single day of it.

you openly hate the church now! one day you’ll be brave enough to say it to their face.

you started driving this year!! you have a permit now and all you have to do is learn how to parallel park and you can try to take your drivers license test!

you are loved in how you love the world, but you’re trying to still find a way to connect back to it, to the artist in your heart.

some goals: release an EP, submit a short story and have it be published, be kinder. keep working on your novel.

current obsession: ace attorney

find some time to love out loud!

got really into taylor swift this year! you’re a swiftie now. what a good time.

go after your goals, chase them not in dashes, but with habit and practice. you change the world one step at a time, because rome wasn’t built in a day.

it’s scary because you feel like you’re losing that fire you had in your heart for changing the world, for leaving a legacy. it’s been part of you for so long, no wonder it feels like you’re losing steam. i promise you’ll find it again. somewhere, somehow.

who am i, to not be powerful?

it’s been a year. one where you loved and hated and felt so many things, learned so many lessons. 

you’re finally 18! it doesn’t feel different, but you didn’t expect it to. 17 was right, getting older isn’t scary when you’re with the right people. so many things happened that you wished for. maybe not in the way that you imagined, but they happened!

released a song! not on streaming platforms, but loverville was posted on the afterglow account <3

you got rejected from brown, but you didn’t really want to live in rhode island anyway! you’re sending in a dartmouth application soon.

you did end up getting a great SAT score, even if you didn’t work that hard.

oh my god you’re choir president and thespians VP :0

you have a drivers license!! you might be getting a car soon!! WOAH

went to boston and NY TWICE (spring break, thanksgiving break)

YOU BECAME SUCH A SWIFTIE THAT SHE WAS YOUR TOP ARTIST (top 0.5% of listeners) AND YOU’RE LITERALLY GOING TO SEE HER IN CONCERT IN APRIL WITH ASHMITA OSDKJFHSDJKFHSKD

you had the worst summer, and you lost your best friend. sophie mcallen, who has been a constant in all of these letters, is now officially no longer your friend.

it’s ok. you lost them before and you thought it was the end of the world, but you learned that they don’t define you. you’ve found people that you love that don’t take up your entire soul, and maybe you miss having that all-encompassing love but you are better without it. you miss them and it’s sad but it is going to be more than ok, so enough about them!

people that made this year wonderful: ashmita, gina, sam hoffman, chloe brown, leen, nick delis, alex hunsaker, ana clark, sophie mcallen

you got a bird for the first time?? and a girlfriend?? their names are tennis and marina respectively. i like marina a lot! i don’t know if we’ll last past the summer because i want to enter college a Free Bird (and long distance will suck) but who knows what will happen? she’s nice and lovely and gentle and funny and it doesn’t hurt to like her. you also got a rabbit! after a very long deliberation period you went back to one of the first names suggested, the Declaration of Independence. Indie, for short.

select ensemble is a thing!! i didn’t think it would happen but it’s so fun!! these people are literally so lovely and fun <3 it’s hard work but it’s so very worth it. allie, chloe, and christian are The Besties so far, as well as sarah collier. but everyone is nice! also you’re working at target? and you’re in Anastasia the musical! you didn’t get a lead role like you wanted, but it’s ok, because the experience is incredible regardless. how crazy is it, that you watched a warrior cats animatic and it changed your life? 

the point is that you’re a busy motherfucker and i don’t know how i’m going to survive, but i will! isn’t it funny how at the beginning of the school year, i thought i’d be bored with my two off periods and 2 AP’s? yeah. you were a dumb motherfucker. i would literally melt without those off periods i love them so bad.

show choir has been so fun this year. these people are literally incredible. i can’t wait for big show. YOU WON MIDNIGHT MADNESS FOR THE 2ND YEAR IN A ROW WOOHOO!

wow did bnha ruin your brainwaves this year. but you had more variety than normal! you also liked… steddie froms stranger things? and daredevil was fun!! and ace attorney!! was also fun!!

i have absolutely no idea what i want to do with my life after college, but we’re figuring it out. the (pipe)dream is to become a famous artist and live off of streaming royalites lol. i hope you love life. take the moment and taste it (taylor swift). next year i’ll be 19 (oh my god) and i’ll be the age of the art chicks i was obsessed with. hari jeung was super cool to me when she was 19. she’s still nice but we don’t talk as much lol. you’re not the only gay at church this year!! this year with jisung (wow! imagine telling 5 year old us that we’ll be having normal convos with THAT BITCH) and eli (and also crystal) you had winter retreat WITH OTHER GAYS WOO

i’m scared that this letter feels empty. i no longer have a burning urge to change the world, but know that it’s ok. it’s going to be. you no longer have the fears you used to have either.

you’ve been writing in a notebook you got during spring break all year. it’s filled with lyrics, emotional moments, everything. it’s a good notebook, and i love it a lot. nobody else has seen its contents. 

i think you’ve written the most words this year out of all the years, but i don’t want to underestimate 8th grade me’s 18,000 words of hamilton fanfic. i love you, by the way! you’re 14 and cringe as fuck but i love you, and i love all the past versions of myself. i’m learning to let go of the cringe and embarassing feeling i get. it’s ok. i was learning how to be somebody. i’m hot now.

(i’ll be embarassing to myself in 5 years, but i’ll still love 18.)

goals: 

release an EP on streaming platforms!

get some writing published! even if it’s just fanfic!

make tons of new friends at college!

decorate your dorm Really Cute Or Else.

kiss somebody. maybe many somebodies! especially at the new years countdown. 

hold on to people that you love, and let go of those who don’t love you. 

you’re graduating in five months. it’s going to be fucking amazing. this is all you’ve been working towards for literally 13 years!!

you’re going to college in 8 months!! you haven’t gotten accepted to anywhere except your safeties, but you’re going to the northeast!! you’re finally making it out of texas I WISH YOU THE BEST I LOVE YOU. i hope you read this having had so much fun and met new people and had new experiences. i hope it snowed right on your doorstep for a week straight and you watched the leaves fall in the most vibrant colors you’ve ever seen.

(i’m almost scared to do it? i don’t know what i’ll be without this longing, this hunger to get out of here. it’s been with me so long that i don’t know who i’ll be when i finally get it.)

and hey, if it didn’t end up happening, i love you anyway. we’ll get there eventually, i promise.

breathe in, breathe out, let it go.

love,

FINALLY ADDING A READMORE LOL

it’s okay to use your turn signal when you’re changing lanes

it’s okay to use your turn signal when you’re taking an exit

it’s okay to use your turn signal when you plan on turning (can even be done sooner than 2 seconds before you’re about to turn)

you have a turn signal. in your vehicle. two of them in fact.