kookoo

every time i write i think about that maya angelou quote where she talks about her editor asking her why she uses semicolons instead of colons and says she has often responded by threatening to never speak to him again

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

stop worrying about protein and start worrying about fiber

an ice cold beer topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. lying on top of the ice cream foam is a salted peanut. this is the angel. around him are sprinkles (his tears). this is "the angel's lament", my new cocktail

marriage before thirties is so insane because you're barely a person yet

divorce before thirties however is chic beyond comprehension

#famously few birds in space#probably the safest place to take him

hate it when pets learn words, my dog flips out when he hears "greenie" so we had to start saying "G word" but now he knows G word so we have to say shit like "are we out of emerald indulgences"

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things