So I lost my original draft of this post (grr, Tumblr! No love!), but I wanted to get these things ādownā, so to speak. Because Iāll forget, ALL too soon! MIKVA (and immediately after) DEETS.
The night before, [sponsoring-rabbi] calls to see how Iām doing, and asks āso, wanna go out for one last cheeseburgerā? Hee. Iām good. And more of a meat loversā pizza girl anyway ;-)
Learning the prep run-down the night before with the kollel rebbetzin, who called me right after to make sure it had gone okay. She reminded me to actually DAVEN while in the water.
The ALMOST freak-out around my nose ring not coming out, and the one regular beit din rabbi who was there not feeling comfortable making a decision because it would have to be their policy; so they went to the top at the RCA to figure out if they could rule it wasnāt a chatzitzah. Which they did.
[Ima-extraordinaire] came with me. SO SPECIAL. If it were not for her and her family, I donāt know that Iād be here. They were my first exposure, my first standing Shabbat invitation, my safe space to learn and grow and figure it out without judgment or pressure, just pure unconditional support and love. Having her there was such a sweet recognition of the process coming full circle. The woman who taught me what it is to be a bat Yisrael, an Ima, who said āAmeinā to my first shaky brachot, was there to say Amein when I said āvātzivanu al haātevilahā. SO amazing.
So we had a final beit din meeting in the waiting room. One of them asked me āso whatās special about today?ā (it was also rosh chodesh Av). I started talking about spiritual rebirth, etc. etc., and he looks at me... and says āokay... and what about the rest of the world who DONāT know this is happening?!ā. HA. OKAY YES 9 DAYS I SEE WHERE YOU ARE GOING WITH THIS I PROMISE!
STILL being asked questions I didnāt immediately know the answer to. And then flipping it and talking about unpainted squares.
The sweet shomeret giving me a tour, showing me where the resevoir was, and explaining how the contraption that would ācoverā me while the beit din were in the room would work. The ācheckingā part was nowhere near as invasive as I thought it would be, and she was so nice and really put me at ease.
The 3 questions once I was in the water (SUCH a comfortable temperature) and the beit din were in place... 1) do you commit to all the mitsvot - the ones you know, donāt know, understand, donāt understand;Ā 2) do you commit to sending any children you may have to orthodox day school (!!!, okay, wow, thatās the ideal and I want to give them an education, absolutely, but this is a bigger conversation, can we maybe have that when Iām dressed?!), and 3) do you renounce all former philosophical beliefs/ideals etc.
Wait they want me to dunk now? THIS IS IT OH MY GOSH. (āKoisher!ā) - I was shaking while I said the bracha. The beit din, [sponsoring-rabbi] and [Ima-extraordinaire] all said Amein, then left. I dunked twice more and just kind of stood in the water to take it in for a second. The shomeret said to take all the time I needed.
Got out, felt like my face was on fire, but SO HAPPY and couldnāt stop grinning! [Sponsoring-rabbi] read the paragraph giving me m name, then the beit din had me say shema. I stumbled a litle because of being totally overwhelmed, and plus itās been a LONG time since Iāve *said* the words of vāahavta rather than sung it.
One of the stand-in rabbis commented about wishing me hatslacha but that he could tell by my personality that I wouldnāt need it, or something to that effect..!
Went next door to shul where people were hanging out cooking for an event on shabbat and got hugs, said a bracha that OTHER PEOPLE WERE YOTZEI ON, and got more hugs.
At shul that night (kabbalat shabbat), [sponsoring-rabbi] wished me mazal tov again and said that I was āglowingā and had been since getting out of the water. My response? Itās sunburn. :P
Iām sure thereās more and Iāll add to this/add a second post, but wanted to get this up before too much longer.
I am so, so priviliged, and blessed, and HAPPY to have made it through this process.