A clusterfuck of ideas.

Also you’re less likely to drop out if you go to community college first! Take some general ed classes, figure out what you want to major in, and then transfer to a university!

*levitating 6 inches off the ground* mom told me to tell you that dinner's ready

*turning my head around 180°* what’d she make

Hes a little confused, but hes got the spirit

I think the goose game is so successful because it captures a fundamental human desire to be absolutely but harmlessly bastardous

it's the same reason we gleefully smash pots in zelda games

sometimes you just need to be a moderate to severe nuisance

Video transcript: The McElroy brothers stand in front of a non-descript red building. Justin is on the left, Travis in the middle, and Griffin on the right. They are all looking in the same direction, presumably at the tour guide. Tour Guide: I ask you not spit, pee, puke, or anything else out of your bodies onto other people or their belongings while you’re with my tour. Griffin: Are we counting ghosts as people?
Travis: Good question. Tour guide: Yes. (Crosstalk) Justin: Unfortunate Travis: Oh, you’re one of those. A liberal. All laugh.

What if instead of editing – and hear me out on this one – I lay facedown on the floor and do nothing

I want to be like one of those authors from the 1900s who would get high on cocaine then write a book that barely made any fucking sense and just publish the first draft. Why did we stop doing that

this is why everyone on this website is a virgin

I’m not gonna fuck the telemarketer man

They aren’t animals and they aren’t plants! They can navigate mazes and chase their food! They glow in the dark and give us visions, they cure diseases and grow inside our lungs, they’re tiny little spots and entire forests! They’re tasty in spaghetti and on pizza! What are they?? We’re not entirely sure!!! Fungus!!!!!!

“How bad is it, doc? Give it to me straight.” “I… I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

reblog to forget your own and everyone else’s deadname

i have this unnerving fear that i’m gonna meet keanu reeves in some tight elevator and his eyes are going to burn into my soul as he tells me the secrets of this universe then bites me on the neck to give me immortality so he’s not alone anymore

Keanu if you’re listening I’m not a little bitch like OP come get a taste