Self-Righteous Suicide

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Pepper was nearly done her ice cream, a spoonful of strawberry with some remnants of chocolate sauce nearly in her mouth, when she found herself shoved backwards, spoon and self headed toward the floor, and then righted in quick succession. Well, Pepper was righted. The spoon was not so lucky. “No worries!” she said once she realized it was Knox. She’d been hoping to see her before the Arena. Knox was one of the only allies Pepper and Hazel had that she’d actually had a conversation with - they’d had a whole adventure together, even. “I’m good, yeah. Are you?”

Knox was glad that she hadn’t knocked the younger girl completely over, especially with the ice cream in her hand. She noticed the spoon hit the floor but luckily it wasn’t that much of a mess. “I’m fine.” Knox quickly answered. “You’re up pretty late. Craving an ice cream?” She asked her. Silently, she wondered if the girl had been struggling to sleep also. Even if so, she was doing better than Knox was. If she had even tried to eat an ice cream, it would’ve came right back up. 

“I am so sorry.” Knox quickly apologized to the person. “I didn’t even see you, I dont know where my head is.” Well, she knew where her head is, it was lost in the stress of the arena but she wouldn’t just admit that. “Are you okay?”

“He can be,” Hazel offered, an almost timid smile on her lips. “I’ll have Pepper too – if that’s like, chill or whatever,” She added, “Totally no pressure though, I like get it, it’s a fucking Game about killing each other, it’s not the best time to be making new besties.”

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Knox’s reasoning made sense. A high score might put a target on her back, make the other tributes want her out of the game as soon as possible. That could also work to her advantage, though. “I see what you’re saying, but consider this; the other tributes are probably scared shitless of you now. Maybe they’ll leave you alone out there.” And maybe they would leave him alone, too, if he stuck with her. But how long could that possibly last? The last thing he wanted was to be useless and slow her down.

Konner let out an airy laugh at her question, shaking off the fear that was just beginning to creep in again. “The stupidest little lab experiments. All that I could do with zero preparation and minimal materials. I won’t pretend to understand their grading curve, but six seems awfully mediocre, so, no, no special privileges for me.” It was probably fair. He had always been average, had always chosen to live on the safe side. Now, he was going to die having done nothing remarkable with his life. “You should tell me about your ten instead,” he chirped, trying not to drown in his own dismay.

. Knox thought about what Konner was saying and she didn’t know what felt worse. The fact that people wanted to kill or that they were scared of her. Really, she didn’t want anyone to be scared of her.. not innocent tributes at least. She also didn’t want to come off as a monster like she heard sometimes the Careers could come of as so. “I guess we won’t know until the arena, huh?” Knox asked him, shrugging her shoulders a bit. “What are you doing about the blood.. blood..” What was it called again? She let out a groan before speaking again. “Whatever the beginning is called where all the supplies are? Are you running or hiding?” She asked him curiously. 

“We were set up for failure.” Knox tried to remind Konner. “I think a six sounds great. It puts you in the middle which isn’t a bad place to be at all. I think, anyway.” Hell, what did she know. “Besides, all of the scores seemed to be pretty low. I’d say you’re definitely in the higher end of things. I think you did great. And I would love to hear about those lab experiment, though. Sounds interesting to me.” And the Gamemakers had to find it interesting too since Konner didn’t get a crazy low score like all of the other tributes. “Uh.. well.. I just used a bow and arrow and used some of my soldier skills..” Knox started. “And I blindfolded myself and hit the targets based on sound.” She explained.

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Cecil sat up on the edge of the pool, worried something might happen if he got caught in deeper water. Hearing her laugh and joke surprised Cecil, to say the least. For some reason, he thought people from Thirteen were the stoic type that lacked any real sense of humour. You’d have to be a robot to adhere to a daily, scheduled routine. But the girl from Thirteen seemed normal, like he could have gone to school with her back in Twelve. “No, not water. The Gamemakers are getting creative,” he answered. “The past few arenas have been torture. If they’re not trying to fuck with the tributes then they’re trying to send a message. What are the odds that they’re going to try sending one to Thorne with ours?”

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“Creative?” Knox asked him curiously. What was the point in getting creative? Why worry about the arena being so advanced when the tributes would just worry about the killing? “So not only do you have to worry about twenty-seven other people killing you, the arena could kill you, too?” She asked him, shocked. She figured someone had probably already warned her of this but it was really now hitting her. “A message? What do you suppose the message could be?” Knox asked him, not fully understanding what the message to Thorn could be or mean. “Let’s just hope we aren’t apart of a message.”

“What if we did?” Hazel asked a little too hopefully. “I’m not saying we like, fucking stick it out for the whole thing but - you’re cool and you seem smart, I’ll watch your back for the beginning if you watch mine. Bloodbath - bare minimum.” She suggested giving a weak smile.

Slowly, he nodded, empathetically humming. “I know that many people, here and in the Districts, can relate to what you’ve just said, don’t we?” A noise of confirmation roamed through the crowd, suddenly all gone silent, gripped by the emotions Knox was drawing forth. “Do you have anyone at home you’d like to send a message to? Now’s your chance, dear Knox. The stage is all yours.” 

Knox thought about a message home and really, she didn’t know what to say and definitely didn’t want to get upset in front of all of Panem. With slight hesitation, the girl took in a deep breath but kept her eyes down. “I’d just like to tell my parents. They may not understand why I did what I did, and maybe a lot of people don’t... But I just want them to trust that I know what I am doing.. And if I make it out of this alive, I will be stronger than ever.”

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“Please, please, call me Calix! If I’m going to be training you on the art of survival, we should be on a first name basis, don’t you think?” He was laughing still, but genuinely– Knox was fun, it wasn’t every day he got them to open up like this on the stage. “Now, I have to ask– what do you think it would mean back in Thirteen to win? The first Games Thirteen is represented, to come home a Victor?”

“Okay.. Calix.” Knox said with a small smile on her face. His name felt strange coming out of her mouth but she really did need to remain casual. Then, the next question hit her hard. She sat and thought about it for a moment. “Honestly, I think it would mean a lot to our people back home..” Knox started. “Whether it be myself or Konner that wins.. It would give them hope that everything is going to be okay. And it shows other Districts that Thirteen is not one to be messed with.” Knox looked down at her hands in her lap. “Everyone back home is a little shaken up by the recent news and the reaping, but in a whole, Thirteen will be okay. We are quite a strong District.” She said before looking back at Calix. 

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It had not been his intention to go to the roof. He was, for the most part, just wandering around aimlessly, overflown with anxious energy that had not dissipated since the training scores reveal. Or was it since the reaping? Everything that had happened the past few days felt like a flurry of chaos, and he might have enjoyed the change of pace, if only his life was not in immediate danger. Konner was so used to being a spectator, he had not yet decided how he felt about being part of the show.

The rooftop garden was well lit, but the surrounding area was dark enough that Knox’s presence was not immediately noticeable. Konner heard her before he saw her. “Clearly,” he laughed. “What’s up? Thought you’d be sleeping soundly knowing you’re the best of the best, not just back home but here, too. Certified by the gamemakers, right?” He knew the scores might not mean much to who Knox was as a person, but it meant something here. It meant Knox might have the best odds out of everyone else. “You alright?”

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Recognizing the voice that was speaking to her, Knox slowly uncovered her head and looked at him. She then made room for him in case he wanted to sit down as well since it seemed like he wasn’t going anywhere. She then let out a small, breathy laugh, shaking her head. “Konner, you really need to stop that.” Knox told him, never being able to take praise well. “Besides, I think it actually put more stress on me, so I couldn’t sleep.” She started to explain. “I think I screwed up, Konner. I shouldn’t have put my  skills out there. I should’ve just gotten a low number and stayed under the radar. I think I put an even bigger target on our backs. So, I’m sorry about that.” She let out a sigh, sitting back more in her seat.  “I’m fine, just feeling even more confused than before.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Did you know some of the tributes here think we have special privileges?” 

“Good job on your six, by the way.” Knox told him with a small smile. “You did  great. What did you show them?” She asked curiously.

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When the light seemed to fade, Pepper peered quietly around the corner. No one was there. She smiled and turned to Knox.

“All clear!” she whispered. She moved over ti the door and pushed on it gently. No alarm. She opened it fully and stepped out into the cool night air, beckoning back to her new friend. They’d done it. They’d made it out of the Tower.

Knox quickly followed the girl out of the tower and once outside, the girl immediately stopped in her tracks. “Whoa.” The girl let out as she looked at everything around her. “The Capitol is amazing.” She told Pepper, unsure of where to go next. “You think they will notice if we just hide out in the city and never go back to the tower?” Knox joked, still looking around.

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“And you did this for your job? At the expense of your life?” she was surprised, but her tone didn’t lean towards judging, rather than being in awe of the dedication. Truth be told, she hadn’t volunteered, but the stunt she’d pulled was even sadder, and for no reason, too.

“I guess so..  But I wanted to. I was brought on to protect Jeannie and I felt that didn’t stop at the reaping.” She told her honestly. “Besides, Jeannie deserves a chance at life and Thirteen deserves their future sovereign.” Knox explained even though she felt she really didn’t need to. “How do you feel about being here?” She asked even though she felt it was a dumb question.

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There was a ripple of laughter through the audience, echoed jovially by Calix. “Well, Knox, I believe you’re closing out our interviews so feel free to catch me backstage for a free mentoring session. How has it been working with our famous Quell Victors, Jeannie and Everett? Am I hearing that we need to add Calix Crystal to Thirteen’s esteemed team?”

“A free mentoring session? Wow, I’ll be sure to meet you back there.” Knox joked with a small smile, starting to loosen up a bit, though she still avoided looking at the crowd. The best thing to do was just pretend they weren’t even there. “Working with Jeannie has been great. She’s an amazing person and mentor. We’ve already worked so well together in other circumstances so I’m not too surprised that this isn’t any different.” Knox said as confidently as she could. “I’ve not seen too much of Everett but I am sure he is great, too. But I’m sure there is plenty of room, Mr. Crystal, Konner and I would love for you to work with us!”

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Cecil didn’t try to argue with her, letting the tribute believe whatever made-up fantasy she was told. They were special, the shiny new toys that the sponsors got to play with. First the Capitol tributes and now Thirteen. If Twelve was barely worth anything before, they were practically worth nothing now. Cecil didn’t think that was very fair. He placed a careful hand on her shoulder. Had it been anyone else, he would’ve tightened his grip and pushed her in the pool. A small prank, the likes he used to do in Twelve, but not here—not with the Capitol’s new playthings. Cecil let go of her shoulder and stripped off his shirt, leaving on the pants all the tributes were given as he dove head-first into the water. “Now or never,” he said as she floated around the pool.

Knox looked at his hand that was placed on her shoulder. She was unsure of what it had meant but she relaxed when he removed his hand.  The girl watched him dive into the pool and tried to protect herself from the droplets that flew at her. She let out a small laugh before carefully getting into the water. “Okay, I think I am going to stay here for the rest of our time in the Capitol.” The girl joked, really enjoying the water. Though she was sure to stay away from the deep end. “What do you think the is going to be?” She asked him curiously, not even knowing what the past themes have been. “Do you think the chances of a water arena are high?”