Did Paul really never told John he loved him?
I've recently received a few asks about this topic, about Paul always saying, right before singing Here Today, that he never told John he loved him, and looking genuinely upset about it. They also point out how, after John's death, Paul needed reassurance that he still loved him. So that makes them wonder what the dynamic between them was really like; how they actually expressed their love.
Well, it is true that Paul often says in interviews, and before performing Here Today, that he never said to John, "I love you, man", and always adds things like, âGuys didnât say that to each other back then.â But I think thatâs partly Paul softening the emotional impact for the public â and maybe even softening it for himself. We know he feels self-conscious and a bit exposed whenever he sings that song (he once said, "I realize I'm telling this man that I love him and it's like I'm publicly declaring this in front of all these people I don't know. I sometimes wonder what I'm doing"). Because merely saying, âGuys back then never said, "I love you, man", so I never did,â sounds a bit less heavy, more relatable (he always adds "man" to make it more casual), and more universal. But if he said in public, âI told him I loved him, but not enough, or not in the right way, and Iâll always regret that,â â that is far more painful, intimate, and vulnerable. And we do know they did say âI love you.â Paul said that in Key West, they "started [and] it all came out. ⌠On the way to that, there was a lot of soul-searching. We told each other a few truths. ⌠âWell, I love you. I love you, man. I love that you said that. I love you.â And added "Thatâs one of the few times it happened.â So Paul isnât saying it never happened â just that it wasnât said often, or casually. And he is even implying that it happened more than once.
And we all know the famous anecdote that Paul loves to tell, that whenever they had a fight, John would lowered his glasses and say "It's only me". But there was one single occasion where he said that John would lower his glasses and say "I love you." (Interestingly, in No Words, one of the final lines is, "I wish you'd see it's only me, I love you"). And Paul told that version of the story in a way that didnât sound like a shocking moment where John "confessed his love" â but something much more familiar. John felt comfortable saying "I love you" to him, and it's likely something that happened more than once. If that was the case, it might mean that, for them, saying "I love you" to each other wasn't such a taboo thing to do at that time. There are a couple of instances from 1970 where Paul says, "I love John." Of course, that was said in an interview and not to John directly, but Paul knew John would read it.
So why does Paul say publicly, âWe never said itâ? I think itâs because saying âwe never didâ is less emotionally exposing than âwe said it, but I wish I had said it more, more clearly, and more tenderly.â It makes it easier for him to perform the song publicly â a song where he literally imagines talking to John, saying âI love you,â singing it directly into the mic, sometimes with his eyes closed, and sometimes even repeating the "I love you" part four times in a row .It allows him to turn an intensely personal, almost private love letter into something more universal â something he can share with an audience without feeling naked. And deeper than that âit seems that Paul, in some way, believes John can still hear him. He once said he believed Linda communicated with him through animals. In 2001, he said:
"One day, after she died, I saw this white squirrel in the woods. I mean, this one was looking right at me, didn't move. My mind just went, 'That's probably Linda. Somehow her spirit's got into that'," And I think it's very comforting."
Let's remember that time when a blue light appeared in the camera during the recording of an interview, and Paul quickly said "that was John. He's around again. Leave it in, it was John." And Carl Perkins said after hearing "My Old Friend", Paul believed John "visited" Carl's mind and spoke through him to Paul. We also know that Paul talks about John in present tense and says he still is in denial of John's dead, because "that's the only way he could deal with it". So when he sings Here Today, he isnât singing about John â he is singing to John, and hoping that in some way, John is listening. Singing âI love youâ is both emotionally raw and therapeutic. It's his way of still showing John his love.
And thereâs another layer: guilt often clouds your memories. After Linda died, Paul said he had to get counseling from a psychiatrist, because that in the first few weeks all he remembered were their arguments â and he felt guilty, wishing he had been perfect all the time, wishing he had been nicer. That happens when you lose someone you loved deeply, and that same emotional pattern exists with John. When two people have a turbulent, up-and-down relationship, full of love but also conflict, and one of them dies, the mind magnifies every missed opportunity, every unsaid word, even if you did love them deeply and did say it. So I donât think Paulâs sadness and regret come from never having said âI love you.â It comes from feeling like he didnât say it enough, clearly enough, or at certain moments he now feels he should have said it. And that up and down relationship they had in the 70s likely made him question that John still loved him until the very end. It's completely normal to have doubts that the other person loves you, especially after you two have had a long-term, underlying conflict. So that's why he felt the need to be reassured that John still loved him (even though I'm pretty sure he already knew that, deep down).
Loss and grief often make love feel unfinished. And so, when he pubilcly expresses his love for John todayâ through songs, performances, paintings, interviews, etc. âit isn't just remembrance. It's communication and also therapy. It's him still talking to John, and hoping that John, in some way, is listening.
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