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“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

the cruel doctor pepper experimented on me and now im the first human soda hybrid

hi I’m the computer. You’re not getting that.

earthworms are out there sixty nining each other all the time and i have to perceive a world that they could never comprehend. fine

Do it scared but please don't do it hungry. Please don't do it dehydrated. It's gonna make it so much scarier. Please.

texting everyone in my friends list “see what happens when you disobey me?” when the eclipse starts

i am like the breadloser of the family

if you ever bouncing your leg or shaking your foot that bc you were borned without a tail to swish swish...

they should invent a disproportionate emotional response that goes away when you understand it's disproportionate. they should invent a way to logic yourself out of emotions