Chaos

For my bachelorette/bachelor party, my friends and I are going to windex the bean

I want to look about halfway between a grieving Victorian widow and that handsome bachelor across the street who's clearly gay but can't say it

As stated by my friend "I don't believe in the death penalty because every person has a right to live, unfortunately fascists aren't people"

God forbid a little gay boy has a Reece's

My whole family got minor superpowers except me. There they are with night vision and near photographic memory, and all I got was an obsession with fire, a love for musical theater, and a cat who decided she only tolerates me.

My friend said her biggest hear me out is Stalin. Young Stalin for his looks, but also for his personality.

Depression is a symptom of foxglove poisoning. I must have been poisoned.

Does breathing ever just become really difficult?

My dad decided to take our dogs for a walk at 11:30 last night. He was drunk