I Exist I Guess

(Shitty doodle because why not)

My online family!

Original concepts

Unnamed game concept

(Official name: undisclosed) [[The blind player]]

(Official name: undisclosed) [[The deaf player]]

The porcelain twins ​

Shared story with my sis @lilithloves-you btw

Indra

Valdis

Nepenthe’s call

Nine lives

A Story of Pieces

No one mourns the cursed

Red Strings

Sona aus I’ve made

Cast lists

Fnaf Sona cast list

Random aus I made

List of aus

Mafia sona au REBOOT

Apparently I influenced a mafia

My ask blog: @mafia--kay

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Informant logs page

[ ​[ I n f o r m a n t l o g s ♦️ ♣️ ♥️ ♠️ ] ]

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(Links and inside jokes and jazz like that will be under the cut)

i love putting characters in Places they aren’t supposed to be sorry

YESSSS LOVE PUTTING CHARACTERS PLACES THEYRE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE

I like to sometimes half jokingly describe Enola as a house cat accidentally locked outside while the family is gone, because like yeah she COULD survive if she knew what she was doing but also she does not understand shit here

I love Enola because I get to put the perspective of ‘difficult’ kids/teens into a sort of perspective since personally I do experience some stuff that I just get called lazy for but actually some people have pointed out might be executive dysfunction… and like I love translating that to this, because this is a high stakes situation. No she’s not being lazy if she stays curled up in her stupid little sleep pod shit, no she doesn’t want to die if she’s taking longer to get a task done— this is a serious situation. And she cannot bring herself to do some things, for multiple reasons.

Her last name is Worth since this is essentially showing how others can affect someone, how they view themself, their worth. Enola’s been told again and again that she’s lazy, her grades are bad because she just doesn’t care, or that she doesn’t take good enough care of her body, and after being told the same thing over and over it starts to feel like you’re not making any progress- you’re going nowhere and there’s no point in continuing. I can already vividly imagine a scene where Enola just breaks down completely on the ship and is hysterically saying how “hey, doesn’t matter what I do, right? It’ll just even out anyways! I fix something today? I have to fix it again tomorrow! And then I do it again and again and again and my situation is still shit- so hey, maybe at this point it would be better if I just let everything break apart. Because I’m going nowhere, right??”

Because her story is really to show how some people grow up when treated certain ways. She’s 17, in the story she’s in space just a week before graduation (she’s a summer birthday), she’s around the point where suddenly you’re an ‘adult’ and everything needs to be a certain way. Yes she’s an adult, but will her habits and issues disappeared once the clock strikes midnight the night before her birthday? No, they won’t. Because they’ve been here. How parents treated her, how she’s been taught, everything she’s done— even literally as far away from humanity as possible, she is still affected by the impact people have left on her mind while growing up.

Or at least that’s supposed to be the symbolism of it lol

But yeah Enola has no clue what she’s doing and she’s stuck here with a ships ai that she accidentally slowly turns sentient and she literally just wants to go home and graduate and flop onto her bed but nooOooOoOo somehow she got dragged into this SPACE SHIT

Enola was not a good student, she could never focus on anything, she never felt motivated, she never felt like it was worth it to ask for help, she never really tried super hard at anything- so they are really different in that way lol. Enola just wants to get by… she never wanted to be social or ‘heroic’. You would have to drag her onto that ship kicking and screaming or simply sedated to even get her there on purpose. She is selfish, she doesn’t want to explore space or the sea because it’s terrifying, she likes reading fantasy to escape reality, she likes playing stupid games or being stupid with her friends and she likes that dumb joke her siblings and her share- and she sucks at this. She is terrible at maintaining this because she has no clue what to do, she is someone who barely can keep herself together and now she’s alone without any human contact for a good chunk of the story, and everything feels hopeless. She is human, she is selfish, she is rude, she screams when the gravity turns off, she makes crude comments, she insults the ship that saved her, and she’s unbelievably flawed.

I love that about her, because as much as I love my characters that are a mix of many things, Enola honestly has a lot of my aspects put into her, the only wanting to get by, the lack of motivation, the issues with school- as much as I love Eve and other characters of mine, I love making Enola extremely human. She’s extremely human and terrified. And in the end her death is still selfish in a way, because she did it knowing she could at least internally feel like she’s worth something, if she fixed the problem, if she took the blow. She cares about others, but deep down it was selfish, which is fine.

Let’s be so fr Enola thought she was dead in this potential crossover with project Hail Mary so like… also add the fact that she had (last she remembered) been blown up in space because some faulty thing went off and she went to fix it because at least if she dies doing good than she isn’t a failure yk?

And then an irl friend of mine who can like actually rock your shit like he’s managed to cut someone using a foam sword, he knows how to build a trebuchet, and he could do much much more, but he does not swear. He doesn’t swear, doesn’t say crude words or make crude gestures, at least in the whole time I’ve known him since middle school, so even if he does this stuff now while an adult, let me just say that in that case, he still went forever without swearing so like

Yeah, I say swears in every other sentence, just feels natural to me, I was raised by a sailor and all my older siblings tried to kill each other as kids and all, but if you treat someone like “aw littol baby who doesn’t say swears because they’re sensitive” no they just don’t want to and lowkey good for them

Also the second person is aro/ace (unless his identity changed over the last year) so I’d like to say I also HATE when people say shit like how since they don’t like or want romances sex other people are like “oh they’re just a baby and don’t know this stuff” okay yes unironically he did not know a ton of sexual references and stuff that most teenage boys would know, but that’s because he decided not to mingle in that, and he just didn’t care what other people did as long as they don’t bother him with it.

Whenever I see myself unintentionally treating someone unironically as a baby I want to bash my head into a wall

It was very easy to look at Zeno he’s like

My papa is the bestest fokin guy alive and yew can kill yurself if u think ur papa is the bestest when its clearly MINE

And then little past clover all

I do not understand… can explain how it works, question?

And then just mesh the childishness from one and then the confusion of getting used to words and speaking to people from the other

And Grace is just standing there because bro he did not say any of that, Lyrebird is just mad mad mad. Think everyone is mean to sibling and that’s make Lyrebird LOSE THEIR SHIT, STATEMENT!

pebble is next

Pebble who has no idea what the fuck we’re talking about be like:

You need to put her in a submarine right NOW/j

this is all a joke pls don’t shoot me-

So you’re telling me to put the demigod child of the night sky into a submarine in space on a moon in a world where the night sky is pretty much dead

Yeah that makes sense

/silly