Kim Jung Fun

"I'm looking for something musky. Something that says, 'Back off Yankee pig dog imperialist.' Also, I was told there'd be cake."

A pleased Kim Jung Un drools with anticipation as he arrives at the Pyongyang All You Can Eat Pulled Pork Emporium.

"I understand it's shampoo. All I'm saying is we could make it smell like a grilled cheese sandwich. People like the smell of grilled cheese sandwiches."

"An Arthur Treacher's Fish & Chips on the other side of the bay? Quick, to the Presidential dinghy," says an excited Kim Fatty the Third.

"This is where we were planning a Jimmy John's Gourmet Sandwiches but they don't toast their bread or do any substitutions."

"I like this one. The insulated lining will keep my Monte Cristo sandwich warm. And it even has a side pocket for my Kit Kat bars."

"I understand these are for water but is there any reason we couldn't fill them with melted cheese, or chocolate, or pureed Tater Tots?"

"I think you didn't hear me. Because I see lots of apples. What I don't see are any AppleBee's Loaded Brisket Cheesy Enchiladas."

Scienticians at Pyongyang Institute of Good Yankee Understanding present Kim Jung Un with life size replica of Donald Trump's brain.

Emerging from the Happy Time Dispensary, Dear Leader is looking forward to getting baked and grinding on Taco Bell's new cheesy Steak Doubledillas.

"When Angelina Jolie sees how much nitrous oxide I have, she will surely come to Pyongyang and join me for an AppleBees's BBQ Riblets Platter."

"I've never see that done before. Wait, why is she holding an eggplant? Oh...."

"The Louisiana Hot Rub Wings, with veggie sticks and extra blue cheese dressing. Last time they gave me ranch. Someone dies if they do that again."

"Couches," says a laughing Kim Jung Un while watching the latest test missile launch, "we don't need no stinking couches."

Kim Jung Un skips state dinner with Chinese diplomats so that he can give a warm Pyongyang welcome to its newest factory -- Totinos Pizza Rolls.

At the Speech of Seven Microphones, Dear Leader issues WSA398/k: No Wing Stop order shall leave the premises until the bag is checked for Blue Cheese and Veggie Sticks.

"Scott Baio."