lets be honest

I hate it when you’re reading smut and you can’t figure out what position they’re in.

ITS BACK

lord 

Y’ALL NEED JESUS

Please stop reblogging this post

This post made my water break

In honor of my daughter’s first birthday next week, I’m sharing the post that made me laugh so hard that it broke my water.

WHAT

God, I love this accursed website.

Hey internet, the girl that was born from this post is 4 years old today (July 2 2021) also, the gif still makes me laugh. Happy Birthday, Marceline!!

i just think if i have to decide what to have for dinner one more fucking time im gonna start throwing things

The worst part of human adulthood is being your own zookeeper

I want to stuff a pumpkin full of raw meat and roll it around my enclosure, but I also know that I’ll have to be the one to clean up afterwards :-(

Take steps to minimize the mess! Put a cheap, disposable plastic tarp down in the area you'll be rolling it around. And.. Maybe recognize your species-specific needs and cook the meat first

Aliens trying to cure the Clinical Depression of Humans aboard their ships by theorising Earth-Specific enrichment activites...

I feel like it might work tho

when i was in elementary school, i thought that the reason we were supposed to capitalize the first letter of people's names was as a sign of respect, so i always refused to capitalize the name of my fourth grade teacher or george bush, because i did not respect them

lower case (derogatory)

those superhero movies that try to be like gritty and dark are so funny to me im sorry….. like that dude is wearing an outfit lol

walked in on my friend watching one of the avengers films during a funeral scene and he got really mad at me because i laughed upon seeing a fucking raccoon at a funeral. like how is that not the height of comedy

Seth out here acting like he can't remember the name Kevin like it ain't his dog's name

Seth is just an optimistic psychopath at this point, and I have never loved this dork more

I swear, people who aren’t wearing their masks need to be escorted out. They are going to be the reason we have no crowds in the future.

Man... they got Joe in a poncho. THAT MAN USED TO BE A KILLER AND NOW HE IN A PONCHO.