can i pet your cat

hey sorry for being so snappish earlier i was in a bad mood. and im still in a bad mood so can you fuck off

talking like point-and-click game narration to the bugs in my room

you can't get out that way!

that's not very helpful.

maybe the open window will help.

try the open window instead.

I feel like a horse with no name is probably the best song in the world. Not even my Favorite song just the best

well other than that mrs. kennedy how was the drive

How do I explain Plato's allegory of the cave to my cat?

gato’s allegory of the fishtank

Man no one even remembers laptop in bed. It was laptop in bed for years. Now it's just phone in bed. Maybe tablet. But usually phone. So much has changed

forget about touching grass, i need to touch THE SEA I NEED TO GO INTO THE WATER I NEED TO DIVE INTO THE SEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

when you get mad, take a deep breath and count to ten. throw a punch at eight. no one ever expects that.

she’s trying (i’m she)

i love the phrase "which could mean nothing" i think its my favorite thing to come out of the internet ever i love saying it. it could mean nothing but we all know better. we know the truth.