Tom’s Lipring

You moved into your closet, blowing the hair from your vision as you carded through the clothing hanging on the rod. You wanted to scream, all of the clothes you owned were simply too causal, too basic for what the evening would entail.

You were so withdrawn that you hadn't felt strong arms snake around your waist, a chin heavy on your shoulder. You sighed, arms still raised as you moved the clothes on the rack one by one.

"What's does one wear to this thing?" You asked, shivering when Tom's hair tickled your ear.

"What you have on is perfect to me" He hummed as he kissed at your neck, his touch tingling the bare skin of your torso.

You had been fresh out of the shower with wet hair and standing in just your bra and panties.

"Funny" You deadpanned, ignoring his comment as you flipped to another option.

"Why don't you wear this green one?" Tom suggested, moving his arm around you to touch the fabric that was peeking through.

You moved slightly, sliding the hangers until the green dress was fully visible to you. You examined it with a finger pressed to your lip, before putting it back, "Absolutely not"

"Why?" His breath fanned over your neck as he chuckled lightly, "You look so good in it"

"I can't wear a sundress to an award show Tom" You deadpanned, thumbing through a couple more options before throwing your hands in the air, exasperated, "Shit—this is hopeless"

His hands dropped to your waist, sending chills down your spine as he turned your body around to look at him. He took advantage of the new position, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips.

When you didn't kiss him back he pulled away, studying your features the way he always seemed to do, "I told you, I can call over Sara— she told me that they have plenty of options for you—"

"No" You interrupted, a little too quick. You hoped he wouldn't notice, busying yourself with straightening the collar of his shirt as you thought of something to say, "That's not necessary"

"Okay" He hummed, fingers moving softly up your body until he was touching your stiff arms, moving them to hang around his neck and bring you closer to him, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," You forced a smile, leaning in to kiss him just as he pulled away, denying you of his lips. He tilted his head waiting for an actual answer, "I just think that you and Bill should go tonight—have some brother bonding"

"I bond with him Bill everyday" He said simply, frowning at you, "I want you to go"

"I know" You whispered, looping your fingers through the belt loops of his pants, tugging him along as you backed up. The cold surface of the closet door pressed into your back and you were leaning into kiss him again.

This time he let you, his hands flat on either side of your head, caging you in as his lips moved over yours. You were glad to change the subject, distract him from the turmoil in your mind.

You let your nails drag along the skin on his neck and down his back, smiling when you felt him shiver under your touch. When you made it to the bottom of his back you gathered the material of his shirt and pulled at it.

He leaned back, lifting the shirt the rest of the way and pulling it over his head before it was discarded to the floor. He was back on your mouth in a flash, hand tilting your face so he could deepen the kiss.

Suddenly his hands were on the back of your thighs, lifting you up in an easy, swift motion. You hooked your legs around his waist, hands sliding across the expanse of his chest.

He was moving out of the closet as you kissed down his jaw, sucking at the sweet spot of his neck. A moan bubbled at the back of his throat and he made a beeline for your desk.

In a rush of need he carelessly pushed the mess of books and papers that adorned the surface to the floor before dropping you down. You’d been studying for a big final coming up the next week before you showered.

“Hey,” You laughed against his mouth as he moved to stand between your legs, finally feeling some of your stress melt away as a hand dipped to your core, fingers brushing against the lacy fabric, "Those textbooks are expensive"

He hummed into your mouth, calloused hands moving over your freshly exfoliated skin. They had cost you an arm and leg at the start of the semester but you were joking, not bothered by it. Especially, when Tom’s calloused fingers were moving the way they were. You dropped your head back as he pushed your panties to the side, his lips kissing at your neck as he spoke breathlessly, "I'll buy you new ones"

It was simple, no harm or bite to the words but still you froze, looking over his shoulder at your small room. Messy and unorganized, unimpressive decor and mismatched bed sheets. You thought of his home in the hills, big and clean with a stocked kitchen and more money put into his guitars than you had seen in your whole life.

You sighed, moving your head suddenly to get him off of your neck. Gently pushing at his lower stomach until he was no longer standing between your legs.

He let you, blinking as he watched you slide off of the desk and crouch at the floor, starting to pick up the mess of your things.

He immediately dropped down beside you, gathering up the loose papers before you could. And once you had the stack of textbooks in a pile he took those too, easily lifting them and putting them on the desk.

"I'm sorry," He said, as he straightened them and kneeled back down beside you, "I was just in the moment, I shouldn't have done that"

"Just forget it" You said sharply, standing up and moving around him, "It's fine"

He nodded, rubbing his hands together as he watched you move around the room, picking random clothes from the floor and throwing the into the hamper.

"Well it's clearly not fine” He said after a moment of complete silence.

"Yeah, well—" You stopped in your tracks, holding yesterday's jeans in your hand. You dropped them in the hamper before moving back to the desk and pointing to one of the textbooks, "This textbook was $800"

He nodded, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched you. You moved to the next book, smacking at the spine, "And this one? this one was $1,200"

He didn't say anything, taking his lip ring between his teeth as he watched you.

"And that's just this semester, I'll have to get a new ones in a couple of weeks" You moved to the middle of the room, grabbing a pillow from the carpet and throwing it into the bed, "I had to take a loan out to afford those books”

He said your name but you didn’t stop, turning to look at him again, "And this shitty little apartment, $1,500 a month"

"It's not shitty," He corrected, "Why are you saying all of this?"

"Because," You groaned, throwing your hands up as you spun back around to look at him, "I live paycheck to paycheck, just praying that I can get myself through fucking school"

"I understand that and I've offered to help you—" He argued, broad shoulders tense as he stood across the room.

"—And that's the problem" You interrupted, pointing at him, "I don't want you to pay for my things. I don’t need you getting me a fancy dress for an award show that I shouldn’t even be going to or buying college textbooks”

"I'm sorry but I don't see how that's a problem—you're my girlfriend, and I want you to be comfortable"

"The textbooks, the dress—it's too much Tom"

"It's not," He sighed, dropping his arms and taking steps toward you, "You're not too much"

Your stomach twisted at his words. It was something you had admitted to him a couple of weeks into dating. You had always felt like you were too much. It was something your father had told you after your mother left. You were too much like her; too loud, too emotional.

And now you felt it tenfold with Tom. His expensive and public lifestyle. The first time you had been caught by paparazzi the fans of Tokio Hotel tore you apart. Too ugly for Tom, too pale, too fat, too poor.

You were too normal for Tom.

"I'm not worth it" You said simply, rubbing your face. The stress was causing a headache and you wanted to scream, "There's plenty of people in your world, models and singers; that's who you should be with—not someone who has to use credit cards to eat dinner”

Tom was closing the distance between the two of you in seconds, big steps until he was pulled you into his chest.

You stiffened in his hold, willing yourself to not cry, but then he was rubbing your back and burying his face into your neck, "I only want you, I don't care about anything else"

At his soft words you were melting, arms wrapping around him and hiding your face against his chest, "You should care, everyone else does"

He pulled back, hands on your shoulders. His gaze softened as he watched you wipe at stray tears. He was piecing it together in his mind, the reason why this all started, the tip of the ice berg.

"You're worried about tonight—about what people will say?"

You shrugged, shifting your weight on your bare feet. You chewed on the inside of your cheek. You could hear it now, the criticizing and backhanded comments. Wondering who the random girl that was on Tom Kaulitz arm.

"I want to go. I want to support you, but I don't want to ruin anything for you" You finally said, looking up at him with wet eyes.

He picked you up, bear hugging your frame. In a second you were flat on your back against the mattress, Tom hovering over you with a goofy smile.

"What are you smiling about?" You whined, catching his necklace as it hung above you and turning it in your fingers.

"I thought you might be second guessing going because you weren't sure about this, making it official official”

You rolled your eyes, a smile creeping onto your lips, "I would uproot my whole life if you told me to"

"Good," He leaned down, pecking your exposed skin along your collarbone, moving up your neck, jaw and cheeks, "Because that's exactly what I'm asking"

You giggled under him, fingers going over his sides, "Just don't try to pay for my things and we'll be golden"

"Fine," He kissed your lips once, then twice, "I'll agree to that for now"

Your hands found his biceps, squeezing them as he lowered himself, coming to rest between your open legs. His lips moved in sync with your own, a familiarity that never got old.

His hand palmed over your bra, pulling the fabric down so he could take your nipple in his mouth, sucking and tonguing over it while you squirmed under him.

He kissed down your stomach, tugging your panties down over your thighs and finally freeing you from them. They were tossed to the side as he positioned himself between your thighs, watching you move in anticipation.

"We don't have a lot of time" He whispered, his mouth dangerously close to your core, his breath fanning over the sensitive skin, driving you crazy, "But I want to make you feel good"

You nodded, hands searching for something to grip onto as his fingers moved along your folds, applying just enough pressure.

You were already slick with excitement, you had been ever since the closet and he knew it. He made a sound, kissing at your inner thighs.

"I love getting you all worked up" He hummed, moving closer before diving into your cunt. His tongue separated your lips, collecting your cum like it was licking an ice cream cone.

The sensation alone had you shaking, wanting to squeeze your thighs around his head, but he knew you too well and held them open.

He didn't tease you anymore than that, burying his face inside of you and going to town. His mouth was slurping and sucking all of your juices, his warm tongue sending you over the edge as you moaned his name.

"That's my girl" He spoke into you, knowing exactly what to do with his mouth to get you to that place of pure bliss.

"More" You whined, bucking your body against his face.

He didn't miss a beat, sliding his finger over your throbbing clit, letting it drop inside of you before adding another finger. His mouth latched onto your clit, sucking incessantly as he plunged his fingers inside of you, curling them just enough to get you screaming.

"I need you" You breathed, chest heaving as you clutched at the sheets under you.

He continued to suck, freeing up his hands so he could slid off the sweatpants he wore. His dick sprung out, the tip already glistening with pre cum. He wasted no time, lining it up with your cunt and thrusting into you.

He moved slow and deliberate at first, letting you prepare, but you were gripping at his hips, pulling him, begging him.

He dropped down into your chest, picking up his pace until you were in a rhythm, the creaky old bed frame smacking into the wall. He lifted your leg slightly, learning that was a position that sent you nearly every time.

The sound of his skin clapping against yours increased as he bit down on your shoulder, holding himself together.

And then you were clawing at his back, screaming as your body came undone. He rode out the high with you, moaning into your ear until you were both breathing heavy against each other.

He stayed inside of you, his cock twitching until he was fully spent. It was the first time he had came inside of you and the feeling alone had you getting all worked up again, feeling his seed drip out of you.

He caught your lips, in a sloppy slow kiss as he pulled out, moving carefully, knowing you would be overly sensitive after the activity.

He rolled onto the mattress beside you and you curled into him immediately, laughing to yourself when you realized what he had done.

"I really tried to hold it in" He kissed at your forehead.

"I know we just had a whole thing about you not buying me anything" You whispered, nudging his face with your nose until he was kissing you again, "But I’ll make an exception to my rule and let you buy me a plan B"

"Deal" He mumbled against your lips, pulling you on top of him. You sighed into his mouth. Everything about Tom after sex was sensual and gentle. Your hair fell around like a curtain and you rolled your hips against his dick, begging for a round 2.

"I really want you to go tonight" He whispered, stilling your body on his and looking up at you, "I want to show you off"

You watched him, his braids spread out on the pillow, his cheeks rosy and a sheen of sweat making him glow.

"I'll go" You smiled, dropping down and kissing his cheek, "But I still don't know what to wear"

He nodded, playfully tossing you off of him as he scurried his naked body into the closet. You sat up in bed, shaking your head and waiting for him to return, "There's nothing in there"

“You should wear this!” He beamed, holding out a hanger that held a satin black dress. It was short, with a slit in the thigh and thin shoulder straps.

It was the dress you wore on your second date with Tom. The first time you’d been to a fancy restaurant in LA. The first time you felt desired and cherished. Something you had saved up weeks of tips from waitressing for. And now kept at the back of your closet for safe keeping.

“I don’t know, what do you think?” You stood from the bed, moving to where he stood and touching the fabric of the dress, "Is it fancy enough?"

"Mhm," He dropped it onto the bed, scooping you up in his arms again, "I think it's perfect. It’s the dress that you wore when I thought I might love you for the first time"

"That was so cheesy" You teased, unable to hide the blush and smile that was spreading on your face.

And then you were kissing him again as he fell back onto your messy bed, taking you with him.

"In that case we should start getting ready"

You and Bill had erupted in laughter at a story Gustav was telling, as he stood dramatically acting out the scene. Georg was throwing popcorn as his character died in the racing game on the tv.

The feeling in the room was electric. The sense of nervousness and buzzing from adrenaline. You often wondered how they managed to always seem cool and collected, despite the thousands of fans expecting so much from them. 

It all seemed to come so easily to them. You gripped Bill's head on either side and made a show of facing him back toward the mirror, "Would you hold still?"

He did as he was told, leaning back slightly in the chair as he brought a handful of popcorn to his mouth, then spoke around the mouthful, "Are you finished yet?"

"Almost, but if you don't want to go out there lopsided then you have to hold still"

You laughed at your friend, starting on the last section that needed teased and sprayed before the show would start. He watched you in the mirror as you worked his dark locks. After a moment, he spoke over the shouting of the guys behind you, "Are you feeling okay?"

You nodded, pursing your lips. His eyes were boring into you through the mirror and you tried to ignore the gaze completely. Bill had known you too well after all the years of growing up together. Most days he and Tom could simply look at you and know something was wrong.

As you got older you became better at hiding your expressions from them, especially Tom. But Bill, there was nothing getting pass him.

"I told you already," You faked a smile, lowering your voice as if Gustav and Georg had been paying attention to what you saying over the sound of the game, "It's over with, he should be halfway across the country by now"

Bill still looked at you, eyes lined with dark liner and you finally met his gaze through the reflection. You felt guilty, involving Bill the way you had, but you appreciated being able to confide in someone about what you'd been going through; even if it met he had to lie to his twin.

His face seemed to be urging you to speak more but you ignored, back brushing the last strand of his hair, "Sold out show tonight, are you nervous?"

He gave you a sad smile, allowing you the change the subject for now as he handed you more hairspray from the counter.

"Nervous, but excited" He beamed, his eyes sparkling.

You smiled at his confidence, shielding his face with your hand as you spray.

"Alright," You turned him fully to the mirror, fixing the last piece before slinging your arms over his shoulders, chin resting on his shoulder, "Now you look like a rockstar"

He smiled at you, popping two pieces of popcorn into your mouth as you giggled.

"You need something?"

The voice was unmistakable, belonging to the only person who hadn't been in the room for the last 20 minutes.

You and Bill locked eyes through the reflection once more, ears training on the voices. There was something else said, a different voice just outside of the dressing room door.

"What the fuck is your problem?"

Georg and Gustav stopped the game, all sound falling flat as everyone listened, waited.

Then another voice dripping with anger, one that you hoped to not hear again was responding:

"You are motherfucker"

You were rushing to the door, Bill quick on your heels. Tom had just let out an amused chuckle as the door opened, "Oh yeah?"

The two guys stood just to the right of the door in the hallway. Tom and Kevin.

"Yeah, spending all of your time with my girlfriend"

"She's not your girlfriend anymore," Tom laughed, "What don't you get about that?"

Gustav and Bill came and stood behind you, their presence, along with Bill was making your nerves go wild. Why couldn't Kevin just leave? Why did he insist on embarrassing you after everything?

He was standing too close to Tom, cocky smirk on his lips. His chest puffed out as if trying to appear intimidating.

Tom had noticed you first, as you stared at Kevins back in the hallway. His eyes had just barely flicked to you before Kevin caught on and turned around to look at you.

His blonde hair was disheveled, eyes bloodshot and sweaty. You'd seen him like this many times before, he was high on something.

"Just the girl I wanted to see" He shot you a seething glance, but Tom moved deliberately in the narrow hall, managing to get in between the two of you.

"What are you doing here?" You wanted to slap yourself at the sound of your voice, high pitched and shaky. It gave you away the second you opened your mouth.

"What? Are we not friends anymore?" Kevin mused, wiping at his face as he looked at the 4 band members, "I'm still with the band huh?"

The phrase had become a part of Kevin's vocabulary since the first day of tour. Instead of keeping a low radar, he openly let people know he was with band. Even though he was your plus one. Typically, once the sentence left his lips he would get whatever he wanted.

The guys had been gracious, letting him come along on the tour, paying for whatever he asked, simply because he was boyfriend. They never liked him, but for Tom and Bill it was an easy decision: If they wanted you to come along on this adventure, then Kevin would be tagging along.

And it worked for the first few months of the tour. Kevin stayed to himself, staying out of the way and letting you hang out with the guys before and after the shows. You were happy. Your relationship was seemingly perfect, on the outside.

However, you soon realized that he had a drinking problem, and an even worse drug problem when in the world of traveling and luxury of the band. It was something that had only gotten worse with the access he had through simply knowing the guys.

You learned he also had a cheating problem. Sleeping with groupies who were naive enough to think it would get them to the actual band. Even members of the crew that traveled along side Tokio Hotel. It was clear he was taking advantage of you and the generosity of the band.

Against your better judgment, you'd decided to ignore the problem, spending more time with your friends, experiencing the world with them and trying to ignore Kevin when you could.

But things got bad on a night when he had thought all the guys were out at a party. Bill, who had stayed back due to a headache, heard you screaming from your hotel room down the hall. By the time he made it to your door, Kevin was pushing past him and disappearing down the hall.

He had hit you before. Slaps or punches that left bruises where the others couldn't see them. You had chalked it up to the drugs, stupidly forgiving him like you did with everything else. But this time, he had destroyed the room, leaving you in a heap on the floor. Bill was horrified, urging you to go to the hospital or let the security handle it.

But you begged Bill, made him swear, to not tell a soul what he had seen, not even Tom. You were embarrassed, broken and in denial. He only agreed, on the condition that you break things off with Kevin and kick him from the tour.

Bill did have to explain to the guys why Kevin was leaving, but instead he blamed the constant cheating, that unfortunately was becoming common knowledge. He had been told to leave by security as soon as you all arrived at the hotel for the venue that morning.

Clearly, he wasn't taking it well.

"You're not a part of anything" Tom answered for you, nodding his head toward the end of the hall, "We all know she already told you to leave"

"Why?" A evil smile grew on Kevin's lips before he turned back to Tom and shoved him hard in the chest, "Oh, I get it...you're screwing her huh? You all want me out of the picture so you can have her to yourself?"

Your throat tightened, the unmistakable feeling of tears stinging your eyes. Tom reacted to the shove, hitting him in the same spot, making him back up further away from you. He ignored the comment, hand cutting through the air, "Get the fuck out of here"

"I knew it" Kevin didn't seem to care as he let out another laugh, looking back at you. "You always were a dirty fucking whore—"

Before he managed to get the last word out Tom had sent a blow to the side of his jaw. The sound of fist hitting skin sickening. Kevin stumbled back against the wall and touched the spot on his face, with a darkness in his eyes. The energy in the hallway flipped instantly, goosebumps peppering your arms.

In a flash, he was pushing himself from the wall and going for retaliation. He attacked Tom, landing a hit near his eye and you felt sick. This time you moved, squeezing into the space between them before another hit could fall.

"Hey! Hey! That's enough," You shout, pushing Kevin hard in the chest to get him to back away. It was thoughtless, dangerous; Afterall you knew how quickly he flew off the handle when he was like this. But you couldn't stand to see him hit Tom. Kevin gave you a hard look as you put a firm hand on Tom's chest, pushing him back too, "Tom, knock it off"

"Yeah, that's right. Better get your boy, baby" Kevin spat blood onto the hallway carpet behind you as he attempted to get to Tom again.

"Shut the fuck up" You shouted at him, arm still outstretched in an effort to keep him back. Behind you Tom was breathing heavy, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, ready to brawl. His eyes were locked in on Kevin, like a heat seeking missile.

"Tom," You spoke, soft but firm. He glanced at you, eyes searching yours, "It's fine, he's not worth it"

Tom scoffed, "Did you hear what he just said about you?"

It earned another evil laugh from Kevin as he started to pace just behind you.

You nodded, swallowing hard. Your head was spinning from the anxiety and guilt. The show would be starting in 15 minutes, and they were dealing with your shit, "He's done worse"

The tension was back in Tom's face as he furrowed his brows. You didn't let it linger too long, instead turning back to your ex.

"Don't make a bigger fool of yourself than you already have. It's over, we are over." Your voice was still shaking but knowing Tom was at your back gave you a sense of confidence that was propelling you onward, "You were asked to leave, so fucking leave."

Kevin let out a short, vibrating chuckle that echoed around the hall as he watched you. The spot where Tom had connected was red, the corner of his mouth was leaking blood. He looked sickening, evil. The same way he looked before Bill had found you in the room, helping you clean yourself up and cover with makeup the next morning so the guys wouldn't notice. 

And even though he was standing 3 feet in front of you, you could practically feel the ghost of his grip on your arms, so hard it left bruising and the burning feeling that spread across your face when he slapped you.

You wanted him gone. Forever. 

But instead, he moved toward you with a heavy steps. He gripped your wrist that was still up, holding him back. He twisted, not enough to break but enough to make you cry out. Then, in front of everyone he was raising his hand.

You squeezed your eyes shut, your body flinching. You were back in a locked room, trapped and frozen in place. You waited for the impact, the way you always did.

But the blow never came, instead Tom was jumping in front of you, breaking the grip on your wrist and punching him again before he made contact. At some point Gustav and Georg had jumped into the commotion, all three guys slamming Kevin into the wall and shouting.

Behind you Bill was yelling for security, heavy footsteps down the hall. In a flash, 2 of the guards were moving past you, trying to separate the pile. Kevin only smiled, mouth bloody, presumably from the licks Tom had gotten in before the security was pulling him away.

Your eyes blurred with tears you didn't want to shed as you watched them. Shouting and pushing until they were hauling Kevin past you and down the hall. He had said something to you, but you were disassociating, eyes trained on the carpet and the sounds of receding steps.

A hand on your shoulder was snapping you out of it. You wheeled yourself around, pushing at the body that you didn't realize was Bill.

He stumbled back, raised his hands in defense. His sad eyes watching your shifty ones as you felt the room start to spin. Heat was rising to your face and the air seemed thick.

Tom said your name but you couldn't look at him, suddenly feeling like a caged animal with so many eyes on you. The color drained from their faces as they heaved breaths from the adrenaline of the moment. Bill had backed up, giving you space.

It was then that you really realized what had happened.

 What they had witnessed. 

"I-I'm sorry" You cried, shoving past where Gustav and Georg stood, rushing down the hall despite the calling of your name.

*

Hours later you were curled up on your hotel bed, the room dark and the tv playing a foreign movie. There had been multiple knocks at the door that you decided to ignore. All of Kevin's things were thrown into the hallway before you locked yourself away.

You had just managed to stop crying when yet another knock came at the door. The guys had sent room service for dinner 30 minutes ago and by the sounds of the poor worker, he was instructed to not leave until you took it.

You squeezed your eyes shut as the knocking came again, echoing through the room.

You groaned, rolling off the bed and stomping to the door and ripping it open without a second thought, "Look—I already told you to take it back and—"

Instead of being the poor room service girl, it was Tom, who stood with his hands shoved into his pockets. Hours had passed since you had been in the hallway with him. He looked tired, the show must have good. 

You made a sound, opening the door a little wider, feeling guilty for the way you answered, "I—uh thought you were room service again"

"You aren't going to eat dinner?"

"No–I don't, well I'm just going to go to bed" You shook your head, moving the door shut again, "Goodnight Tom"

His foot jutted out, stopping the door from closing further. You sighed, his name slipping from your lips before he spoke again, "Can you please let me in?"

You rested your forehead against the door for a moment before fully opening the door. He moved into the room quickly, before you changed your mind, pushing the door closed behind him as you moved back into the main part of the room.

"What do you want?" You asked, clearing your throat.

"What happened out there?" Tom answered with another question, watching you lean down to turn the bedside lamp on.

The orange glow rid the room of the darkness but there was a dark cloud that seemed to linger around you. When you turned back around, your heart dropped. His left eye was red, some of the spots shifting to purple already. 

"Oh, Tom...your eye" You gaped, crossing the room and reaching up to brush your thumb across it. You hadn't thought about how the punch he took or the fact that it was red while they played the concert. A sickening guilt settled in the pit of your stomach.

"I don't give a fuck about my eye," He tilted his head at you, the look of irritation clear on his features. He waited a minute before speaking again, "What are you not telling me?"

"Jesus Tom," You groaned, dropping your hand and taking several steps back. You crossed your arms over your chest, "What are you talking about?"

You watched his jaw clench as he crossed his arms, mirroring your defensive stance. He wasn't stupid. But he also wasn't used to you keeping things from him.

"What do you want me to say?" You said calmly, keeping your composure and hoping he didn't see right through you, "Kevin was being a drunk asshole, as per usual"

You were fidgeting now, biting at the skin around your thumb. Tom didn't move, his tall figure standing at the foot of the bed.

"No–," He said suddenly, then lowering his voice again, "He was going to hit you"

You shrugged, trying to keep a poker face as he spoke, "Okay?"

"Okay," He echoed you, moving closer to you, "You flinched like you expected it"

"Tom, I didn't." You rubbed at your temples, feeling the stress start to get to you again, "You're overreacting and I'm tired. I'm really sorry that he caused a scene before the show, I am-but I want to sleep so if you don't mind–"

He took another step and was grabbing for your wrist, the same one that Kevin had a hold of just hours before.

On instinct you were flinching again, ripping your hand away from him. But you didn't move, instead looking up to meet his gaze. Brown eyes soften as he starts to unravel the situation.

When he reaches for your wrist again, it's with gentle fingers, holding it in the space between your bodies. He makes a sound at the back of his throat as he turns it, examining the purple bruising on your pale skin.

The sound of the tv filled the silence in the room, the tension palpable in the air. You watched his lips, taking his piecing between his teeth as he ran a thumb over the skin.

"It's fine" You whispered, a chill running down your spine when you realized just how close he was.

He ignored you, saying your name as you looked away, "He's been hurting you"

It wasn't a question. More of a statement that he was waiting for you to confirm, but at the look on your face answered for you.

"How long?"

You debated lying again, but there was no hiding from Tom in a moment like this. So instead, you swallowed hard, "A little while"

He dropped your wrist and was headed for the door in the blink of an eye.

You called after him, wiping at the strained tears that were sliding down your cheeks as you followed him. You beat him to the door, sliding between him and hit to prevent him from leaving. 

"You need to move" He spoke low, a tone you had never heard from him before. His hand was behind you on the door handle.

"He's leaving" You pleaded, "It's over with, I'm fine"

"Nothing about this is fine," Tom shouted, backing away from the door. He turned and took another step away. Opening his mouth and then closing it again, like he was working through something in his brain. He collected himself and faced you again, "In London, you were wearing more makeup than usual, there was purple mark on your cheek in certain lighting"

You opened your mouth to speak, but he added, "Then in Berlin, the black eye. You said you were drunk and fell into the side of a table"

You were drunk, that part was true. But so was Kevin and he had hit you after seeing you hanging around Tom at the club after the show.

"Tommy—"

"Fuck," He breathed under his breath as he ran a hard hand over his face, "You've been hiding it this whole time and we didn't know? I didn't know? Why would you keep that to yourself?"

His voice was rough, raising higher and higher as he spoke, the frustration clear in his tone. You still stood in front of the door, your back against it, hands slack at your sides.

"I—," You blinked, trying to will away the tears stinging your eyes again, "The last thing I wanted to was involve any of you, especially you"

"Especially me?" He scoffed, facing away from you. His shoulders were tense and the shirt he wore was still wet in some places from the show, "So what was your plan?"

"I had it under control—"

"Bullshit," He spun on his heel, a couple of feet down the hall you could practically see the steam coming from his ears, "You were just going to let him keep doing it. We could have had him gone like that—"He snapped his fingers in front of him. Then continued, "Fuck—You've been like this ever since I've known you. Making yourself small, not causing a fuss, taking all this shit and not standing up for yourself— or asking for help"

You stood completely still. Absorbing each word, watching the way he threw his hands as he spoke. You'd seen him angry, of course. After growing up with him and Bill it was normal to see them raise their voice or argue, but it was never directed at you. They knew you had a rough childhood, that being part of the reason you were so close with them at a young age.

But now you could see that Tom wasn't holding back. You wanted to argue with him back but when you opened your mouth you could barely get words out, "I—I just..."

"Don't you understand—what the fuck is wrong with you? How could you be so goddamn stupid?"

Tom hadn't meant it to come out as cruel as it did, or maybe he did, but the second it left his lips his mouth fell open and his eyebrows pinched in regret.

The words cut like a knife. Especially after all the nights you blamed yourself for the way Kevin was acting. Lying in bed next to him and wondering how you always managed to live like this even after you promised yourself you wouldn't end up like your mother. But there you were: making up excuses for him while covering yourself with makeup to hide the worst ones and pretending like everything was fine.

Tom's words were something you asked yourself daily: What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I do the right thing?

You dropped your head, an attempt to hide the tears that were no longer able to be held back. The familiar anxious guilt crawling up your throat. The room was quiet, even the tv in the corner seemed to go silent in the moments after the words were dropped into the space between the two of you.

"Wait—," Tom was speaking again, the tone in his voice completely different now. He sounded almost nervous, "That's not what I meant—"

You moved from the door, grabbing the handle and pulling it open. The draft from the hall filled the room that felt like there was no oxygen left.

"Leave"

Why was it so easy to tell Tom to leave? Why had Kevin been something so hard to get rid of?

Maybe it was because you were used to Kevin hurting you. Again and again.

But Tom was different. He had never hurt you. You didn't think it was possible, so when he finally did, it stung worse than any blow Kevin had given you.

You raised your head, not bothering to wipe the tears away and opened the door even further, "You need to leave right now"

He said your name again, softer than ever. He was moving toward you with slow steps, "I didn't—"

"You said everything you needed to say, so go," You spoke again, this time you were the one raising your voice, despite the heartbeat pounding in your ears, "Get out"

He came closer, standing at the opening of the door. You refused to look him in the eye now, instead staring at your hand on the door knob and waiting from him to pass by so you could lock him out.

But he didn't move.

"I said get the fuck out," You repeated, again. Your voice was trembling, and you were chewing at your bottom lip in an effort to keep yourself calm, "I want you to leave me alone"

There was a beat of silence. You felt his hand on yours over the door handle. His calloused hands were warm, they always were. And so big that it basically engulfed your own. Then he was pushing the door until it sealed with a soft click.

The two of you stayed like that for a moment, until you finally looked up at him. His big brown eyes were staring at you, face twisted in something you couldn't quite place. He had taken his lip ring between his teeth, a nervous habit that he could never kick.

He moved his hand from yours on the doorknob to push the hair out of your face, but you smacked it away with a hard slap.

"Don't fucking touch me" You spat, hand moving on the door knob again, but you didn't open it again, "I hate you"

His features were soft, eyes searching your face. He waited a moment before reaching out again, this time you let him tuck the strand behind your ear.

"Don't touch me" You cry, but there was no ferocity behind your voice anymore. You didn't push him away again, even when his had didn't move from the side of your head. Instead, your hand was leaving the door knob and touching his forearm, "Why don't you just leave me alone?"

You sniffled, wiping at your already wet face, trying to stop crying. It didn't work. Especially when Tom was pulling you against his chest.

"I hate you" You sob, fisting his shirt and burying your face into his chest. His arms wrapped around your frame, keeping you tight to him as your body shook. You broke against him, months of pain and embarrassment vomiting out of you.

He held you tighter, resting his chin on the crown of your head, his voice as soft as ever, "Okay"

You breathed him in, the sweat from the show mixing with the cologne he always wore.

At some point, Tom had lifted you off your feet in a bear hug, moving you to the edge of the hotel bed where he had sat you both down. Eventually, the sobs that racked your body dissipated and you were a blubbering mess of wetness with your face still hiding in his shirt.

But he didn't loosen his hold on you, and you didn't plan on letting go of him just yet either. One of his hands rubbed soothing circles across your back until you had completely relaxed against him.

"I wanted to tell you" You mumbled, lips moving on the wet fabric as you spoke, "—but I thought I could handle it on my own"

His chest vibrated under your cheek when he spoke, "It's okay"

"Bill found me the other night when you were all out at the club," You continued, your fingers absentmindedly playing with the hem of his shirt on his back, "I begged him not to tell you. I made him promise because I was going to finally end it"

He didn't say anything, but you could hear the heart beat in his chest, steady thumping against your ear.

"But you were the only person I wanted to tell" You sniffled again, wiggling slightly in his hold as he began to loosen his arms from around you.

"Why didn't you?"

You shrugged, sitting up straight and looking at him for the first time in what like forever. He was sat next to you, his feet hanging off the side of the bed.

"I didn't want you to have to take care of me, again"

It was something you hated to admit, but it was true.

Tom had always been some sort of a protector for you, taking you in when your parents would argue and convincing their mom to let you stay for weeks at a time. Whether in the school halls before they sky rocketed into fame or in the tabloids when they made you out to be some random groupie.

"Sometimes, you need someone to take care of you" He says, lifting his finger to your face and swiping stray tears away.

"No, I don't" You mumbled, turning your face away from him and glancing at the window. The dark sky was lit up from below with streetlights and tall buildings.

"Everybody does"

And there it was again. The quiet. The palpable tension in the room that made sent a shiver down your spine.

And he noticed, because he was running at the goosebumps that formed on your arms. You shivered again, this time at his calloused fingers brushing your skin.

You stood up abruptly and he followed suit, watching you closely. He was always trying to figure you out, especially in moments like this where he got too close.

He blinked, watching you closing the blinds of the room and walking back to the bed.

"You're sure you don't want to eat dinner?"

"I really just want to sleep," You nodded, pulling your hair back into a bun before wiping at your face, "It's been a long day"

He nodded once, already walking toward the door when you called out to him, "Actually, Tom...Uh- would you mind staying until I fall asleep or something?"

He turned, the look on his face unreadable. Then as simply as you had asked, he nodded, turning back around and kicking his shoes off by the wall.

You crawled on top of the covers, pulling two pillows out and the small throw blanket that came with each room.

"I stink" He says casually, dropping his phone on the nightstand as he watched you get comfortable on one of the pillows, "I came here right after the show"

You shrugged, patting the mattress with a goofy smile as you waited for him to lay down, "I like the way you smell"

You did. His natural scent was something that often times comforted you, even when you were kids. 

"Such a creep" He clicked his tongue, unable to hide the cheeky smile you brought out in him, "Now I know where my dirty laundry's going"

"Fuck off" You laughed, smacking at his arm. He rested the back of his head against the headboard, chuckling to himself and watching you spread out the blanket over both of your bodies. You appreciated the shift in the room, the jokes and smiles. If you thought anymore about Kevin and what he did, you would drive yourself crazy. 

You smiled. The first genuine one in what felt like weeks as you turned your head and caught him looking at you while he toyed with his lip ring.

"And I'm the creep?" You joked.

He reached over and pinched at your side, causing you to burst out in a fit of laughter. He took the opportunity to go for your other side, tickling and pinching until you were doubled over on his lap and heaving breaths between giggling. "Asshole" You whined, planting your hands on his thighs and pushing yourself up after you had caught your breath.

When you did, he was staring at you again, this time a look that you couldn't place.

You cleared your throat, taking your hands off of him and moving back to your pillow, "Remember when I'd be staying over on the couch and you and Bill would sneak me into your room? We'd watch American sit coms all night and eat junk food"

He hummed, moving on the bed until he was lying down, one arm tucked behind his head and the other tapping on his chest when he spoke, "We thought we were so cool"

"We were" You argued, bringing the blanket to your chin as you studied his profile in the dim room, "Although stealing the booze and smokes was actually cool"

Then the quiet came again.

"What do you want most in life?"

"I'm not sure," You swallowed, adjusting your head on the pillow as you continued to watch him, "I haven't really thought about it. What about you?"

He moistened his lips with his tongue before sighing, "Alot of things"

"Go on" You urged.

"I want the band to do well, I want to make lots of money, buy my mom a house," He turned on the bed so he was facing you, lying his head on the pillow. He studied your face in the dim light before continuing, "And I want you to be happy"

You sighed, reaching out and poking at his cheek, "Don't you worry about me"

"I do" He whispers, "I can't help it"

"Why not?" You whisper back, leaning up slightly from the pillow.

"I think you know why," He breathed, like a train losing steam as it goes uphill. He blinked once, "I think you've known for a while"

More silence. 

"The same reason why I wanted to run to you the first time Kevin hit me," You whispered, fingers picking at the loose threads in the blanket, "Why you went after Kevin the way you did"

He didn't say anything. He didn't have to. It was the same thing the two of you had been dancing around since you were kids.

Kevin's words popped into your head: 

"...You're screwing her huh? You all want me out of the picture so you can have her to yourself?"

The two of you were friends. Best friends. You'd always been. There had only been once, when you were both 11, that you acted on the crush that bloomed for him.

As if reading your mind Tom whispered, "Do you remember that summer at the lake?"

You nodded, watching his lip ring move as he continued, "I dared you to jump from the rope swing, and you thought you were going to die"

You laughed as he plucked the scene right from your memory. Two skinny little kids, standing on top of a rock.

"And you told me 'I can't die without having my first kiss'"

You blushed, thankful that the room was so dim. A smile started to spread from the corners of your mouth as you watched the sparkle in his eye.

You could smell the lake air again, see him standing in front of you with crazy hair and purple swim trunks. You could feel the scratchy rope on your palms. Little Tom had peered over the edge of the of the rock and sighed, stressed out. As children everything was so much more dramatic and scarier. In hindsight, the jump was only 10 foot high, and no one had ever died there.

But still, Tom had leaned forward all knees and elbows and kissed you. It was a peck, lasting less than a second before you were both jumping back and wiping at your mouths.

"Promise me we never have to do that again" Tom had whined, pleading with you as he spit on the grass.

Once you regained your composure and wiped your lips raw you held out a pinky to him, "Promise."

And you kept the promise through years of being around each other, tension filled moments and drunken nights. So many times where you thought you should but didn't. 

You were back in the room with Tom. He was staring at you again just as he finished retelling the memory.

The way he was looking at you had your heart thumping in your chest again. And before he could say anything else you were leaning closer to him.

"What if we break the promise, just once?" You whispered, lips dangerously close to him in the low light.

He nodded, closing the distance and pressing his lips to yours. It was brief, almost mirroring the time at the lake as he pulled back. Testing the waters, maybe waiting for you to wipe your lips and make vomiting sounds but you didn't. This time you were leaning back in.

He was a much better kisser now, after all of the years of practice. He didn't rush, only leaned up so you could lay your head back on to the pillow, instead of craning your neck.

His lips moved over yours, slow and delicate as if you would break under any pressure. Your hand slid to the back of his neck just as he was pulling away.

It was a simple gesture, pulling back just enough to search your eyes. Looking for any sign that you wanted him to stop.

You reassured him by catching his lips with yours and kissing him again. His lip ring was cold against your mouth, sending a charge through your body. This time you were taking charge, pushing up from the pillow and moving him until he was lying on his back again.

You moved quick, straddling him in your pajama shorts as you kissed him harder. He ran his tongue along the seam of your lips and you granted him access, immediately massaging your own against his.

You held yourself above him with a hand on either side of his pillow, as you bared down on him. Tilting your head to get better access to his mouth. Years of pent of sexual tension was coming to the surface and you had no need to feel shy about him any longer.

"This is much better than the lake" He breathed heavy against your mouth, hands coming up to either side of your waist.

"We should've broken the promise years ago" You hummed in agreement, kissing at his neck and tasting the saltiness of his sweat from the show.

A guttural moan vibrated in his throat as you nibbled at the sensitive skin. The sound alone nearly sent you into orbit.

The two of you were out of breath within minutes, too busy trying to swallow each other whole and you were getting more and more worked up with each press of his lips.

Before you had realized what you were doing, you were reaching down and fumbling with his belt. Just as you were able to slip the loop, his hands came down on top of yours, halting your movements.

"What's wrong?" You peered up at him through your eyelashes, and he threw his head back in against the headboard.

"Nothing's wrong" He whined, pulling your hands from his lap until they were planted on his chest. He was breathing just as heavy as you were. "I—I think we should slow down"

You made a whining noise, leaning down and kissing him again, swirling your tongue around his to prove a point.

When you broke the kiss he was looking up at you with glazed over eyes, a goofy smile plastered on his swollen lips.

You let out a giggle, dropping your forehead to his shoulder. His laugh accompanied yours, echoing in the room.

You rolled off of him, kissing him on the cheek as you landed on the pillow next to him.

"Holy fucking shit" You breathed through another fit of laughter, rolling into his side and snuggling into chest.

"Yeah" He sighed, slinging his arm around you, still staring up at the ceiling as you wiggled closer to him. The silence in the room was different now, the tv still played casting lights onto the headboard above where you both lie. But the tension, the thing that you had both gotten so used to being around was gone.

"I can't believe you talked me into kissing you again" He joked, turning his head so he could look at you on him.

"I can't believe you fell for it again" You giggled, looking up at him. Confirming all of the wonders he had about you. The little crush that never went away.

He nudged your nose with his own before kissing you again. He exhaled, a relief of everything he'd been thinking.

And despite the excitement minutes ago your eyes were growing heavy, the rhythm of his heartbeat lulling you into a deep sleep. His fingers brushing up and down your arm as he drew little shapes and lines.

He shifted under you slightly, and you reached for his hand that was resting on your arm. With eyes still closed you slid your fingers between his and sighed into his shirt, "Can you stay even after I fall asleep?"

He answered with a kiss to your forehead as he let his body sink into the mattress beside you again.