Kalliope

game day superstition explicit, 4k, oneshot. part of a series. shane has an oral fixation and takes something of ilya's before the game. this was hot AND it made me laugh

vodka cranberry explicit, 5k, oneshot. shane drops the vodka glass and almost passes out getting out of the vegas penthouse. ilya takes care of him. very good emotional hurt/comfort, treading some ground on shane's eating stuff so keep an eye out if you're sensitive to that

telepathy explicit, 4k, oneshot. ilya bottoms for shane for the first time after he wins the cup. there's some fun toys too. slightly ooc, but by god is it hot

butter soft in the moonlight explicit, 2k, oneshot. cnc AND ilya wearing leather gloves. these guys are so hot for each other that they will start a scene at the drop of a hat.

guilty pleasure SERIES. three fics, 8k total. ilya likes shane in lingerie. shane likes wearing it, and he likes ilya's reaction even more. one fic per set.

(and i want these words to) make things right 38k, explicit, incomplete. 10/11 chapters. after the 2011-2013 MHL lockout, ilya finds himself in a situation- the russian team doesn't want him returning to america. clearly, the only solution shane and ilya see is to start a secret (fake? neither of them are sure) engagement. (one of them should've thought to consult a lawyer, maybe, but what's logic in the face of two dumbasses?)

the cadence of a secret 38k, explicit, complete. soulmate au, with some magic in the background. their bond means that they can't speak out loud with or of one another, or the pain they feel while they're apart increases. they fight against it for longer than anyone else would, but they fall in love nonetheless. this sounds out of character for me and my non-soulmate hollanov agenda, BUT it's very good and i adore the thought put into it as well as their dynamics. communication is their curse and their solution, and they choose each other in a way that i LOVE to see in a soulmate au.

was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night? explicit, 19k, complete. a remix of the tuna melt, but in different circumstances- ilya and shane get snowed in inside of shane's apartment in montreal. without the possibility of running away, the intimacy of cohabitation goes a little differently.

j'n'ai qu'une envie (c'est toi) explicit, 5k, oneshot. part of a series. omegaverse, alpha/alpha knotting fic (who cheered!!). shane's in rut, ilya gives him what he wants.

collapsed in the act of just being here explicit, 18k, oneshot. hollanov get vegas married in secret, try to annul it, torment hayden pike, and cohabitate.

hold me like your cards (close to your chest) explicit, 2k, oneshot. ilya thinks about fucking shane's tits. it becomes a reality. these two match each other's freak to an almost cute degree.

also for today's non-explicit fic, one of each rating:

the acres of the walls, the prairies of the floors gen, 1k, oneshot. yuna meets rozanov in the hospital gift shop. she hates him a little less.

interlude: the gay hockey WAGs teen, 1k, oneshot. part of a series. textfic. kip doesn't know who jane is beyond dating ilya rozanov, but they get along well regardless, even as that involves sneaking 'jane' into the admirals' WAGs group chat for moral support against the straights.

Infinite baths

Cookie yelled at me for not tagging anyone on Twitter so I’m sharing it with y’all over here.

i’m fucking obsessed with this right now, so buckle in for a meta. a cool fun (horrible) thing about dean’s dialogue is that a good 90% of what comes out of his mouth is:

a pop culture reference (“you’re just gonna take some divine bong hit, and shazam, you’re roma downey?”)

references to real life phenomenon (“i don’t wanna wake up missing a kidney in a bathtub full of ice” “try new mexico, i hear he’s on a tortilla”)

these also often take the form of nicknames, and dean has a tendency to give people nicknames in general or call them something besides their given name, whether it’s affectionate or rude (“easy there, van damme” “so i’m girl interrupted” furthermore castiel = cas, ezekiel = zeke, etc, see also frequent use of “chucklehead” “asshat” and on the nicer/endearments end “buddy” “pal” “sunshine” etc)

an idiom (“a snowball’s chance” “if it smells like a duck…”)

slang (“drinking the koolaid” “jonesing for some hooch” not to mention the literal endless amount of words dean uses to refer to killing - gank, waste, juice, ice, etc)

a metaphor (“power up your batteries” “fly me back to my page on the calendar”)

a euphemism (“cloud seeding” “i’d have given you an hour alone with her first”)

sarcasm (his habit of replying “peachy” or “super” when asked how he is)

wordplay (see: the entire “vampirate” and “werepire” debacles)

completely nonsensical (guessing what happened to a magical artifact: “it was dug up by tomb raiders? it was seized by the king of the dead by warlords?”)

said at lightning speed - if you pay attention, dean actually talks a LOT, usually a mile a minute (this makes me feel a way when you recall him being nonverbal for a year at age 4 but that’s another post)

slang IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE (casual usage of “guano,” etc)

a lie, a deflection, a joke, etc

or worse, something dean’s NOT saying, deliberately, because he’s one of the most repressed people on earth

the end result of all this being:

dean winchester is utterly infuckingcomprehensible. 

think about this. there’s an ENTIRE SECTION on EVERY SINGLE EPISODE PAGE of the spn wiki devoted to JUST explaining dean’s pop culture references, because the average viewer won’t have seen everything he’s talking about either. they have a whole page for this called “hunter’s lingo,” but honestly, it’s not all hunters, just sam and dean’s fucking batshit communication style. even i don’t understand dean half the time. SAM gets it, sam speaks it back to dean a lot in the early seasons, but that’s because sam and dean are 1. practically two halves of the same person 2. FREAKS. every time we get an episode that involves outsider POV is devoted to them going “what the fuck is WRONG with them?”

enter castiel. technically speaking, the show implies that angels are omnilingual. castiel should understand every language known to man, but knowing the meaning of words doesn’t help him understand the following:

pop culture references

references to real life phenomenon

nicknames

idioms

slang

metaphors

euphemisms

sarcasm

wordplay

you get the idea.

listen to me. look me in the eyes. castiel cannot understand a single fucking word that comes out of dean’s mouth. my guy laid a hand on dean winchester in hell and immediately fell in love with him and has no fucking idea what he’s talking about ever. because not only is dean winchester’s way of speaking CLINICALLY insane, and sometimes incomprehensible even to other human beings who are not sam, castiel is an angel, and someone prone to taking things even more literally than other angels do

go back and watch and watch seasons 4-5 especially. the reason cas does so much squinting and head tilting is because every time dean opens his mouth castiel has to open up his mental “dean winchester dictionary” and translate entire paragraphs on the fly, because again, dean never shuts up!

what makes this extra hilarious to me is this gem:

this line is from 5.13. at this point cas has known dean for AN ENTIRE YEAR AND A HALF. what you see here is my guy SNAPPING. cas made an EFFORT in this scene. he asked who glenn close was. he’s telling dean that he can’t understand him. he is doing his level best to have a normal conversation with this guy he has a crush on and for the life of him he cannot do it (equal but opposite energy to cas blowing up the gas station and motel room in 4.01, tbh)

yes, cas can understand dean’s tone. he can use context clues, and he usually gets the general idea. and when cas DOES understand dean’s jokes, he laughs at them. the first time we ever see him smile is during their 4.07 heart-to-heart when dean says “it was a witch, not the tet offensive.” since cas has knowledge of human history, he knows what the tet offensive is; he got the joke, and he laughed.

but as far as actual dialogue goes, he consistently struggles to keep up. even after metatron gives castiel the pop culture knowledge in season 9, cas struggles to put it to put it to proper use (dean: “you wanna just walk right into the death star?” cas: “what does a fictional battle station have to do with this?”). whenever he asks dean to clarify it’s always when he’s most annoyed, like most of the time he knows it would be futile but he’s too annoyed to care. (dean: “i don’t know who’s on first, what’s on second!” cas: “what IS second???”) i’m pretty sure he spends seasons 4-6 wanting to shake dean by the shoulders and ask him why he is LIKE THIS. 

it takes cas - who, again, is omnilingual - YEARS to begin to acclimate to dean’s speech and start speaking that language back to him. it’s season 8 before we start really hearing him use slang, season 9 before he begins to understand wordplay, season 10 before he starts using pop culture references (to other angels, who immediately fail to understand him, which disappoints him immensely), and season 11 before he really gets into metaphors. i don’t remember what season he started using “yeah” instead of “yes” but i do know it took a really damn long time. 

and honestly, i don’t think cas truly got the hang of it until at least season 11-12. that’s something like 7 or 8 YEARS. it’s more than half the time they’ve known each other at the point of the series finale. 

I’ve managed to save some into a Google Drive folder. So, if you’re looking for With Understanding (both parts) and/or Hesitation, send me a message and I’ll get you a link.

“With Understanding” over on Ao3.

Long, well written, “serial killer” Dean, Human agent Castiel.

Dark. DARK. REALLY DARK.

I respect the hell out of Misha. And I understand where he's coming from, and I think it was important for him to clarify what he knows re: 15x18 and the Spanish dub.

But Misha, despite being in the show himself, is essentially GA. He doesn't watch the show obsessively like us. He isn't analyzing set decor or even really tracing the arcs of the characters besides Cas'.

So, I don't think he really understands what we dislike about the finale. For me, the biggest crime of the finale is what they did to Dean (and by extension, Sam and everyone else). I won't rehash it all here, but the finale nukes 15 years of character development and the core message of the show that evolved over its run, and abandons the emotional arcs of the season that were running mostly smoothly until then. In so many ways, "Chuck" wins in the finale. The finale is unsatisfying because in its attempts to make us nostalgic, it regresses. There are ways to do callbacks while still being true to where your story and characters are now, but the show didn't do that.

Misha also doesn't get that a lot of our issues with 15x18 aren't necessarily about the episode itself. The issues are that what happens in 15x18 isn't resolved in 15x19 or 15x20. That's partly why we're latching onto the Spanish dub so much - we're desperate for anything to resolve the glaring holes in 15x20.

I’m blown away and baffled by this entire thing, and it’s freaking amazing to now be able to go and re-watch the series with the knowledge that Dean is bi in canon. But the reason we’re trending on twitter is not because of a ship, and feeling vindication does not make you a bad person. 

This is about queerbaiting, queer rep, and possibly queer censorship, and whether or not that reciprocation was part of a conspiracy theory or the result of some seriously creative translation, we’re left with a clusterfuck of epic proportions that implies either further queerbaiting or full-on censorship.

That’s what this is about. That’s why it’s so important. That’s why it’s serious.