Kalen Cook

Y’know what? Fuck you. *Plays an acoustic guitar version of your leitmotif to show you still have tenderness and care in your heart, and compassion for others*

yeah? well fuck YOU *plays a music box version of your leitmotif to show that this is your home and its comfortable and nostalgic here*

No, piss off! *plays your leitmotif with immense reverb and a toned-down synth sound to show that nostalgia can also be about loss of what never truly was, a reflection of a reflection and a false memory of a false memory*

ok, boomer. *plays your leitmotif using discordant synth bass to display your spiral into villainy after you discover that your memories were a fabricated illusion that were created just to keep you complacent, and how that information is destroying you*

How many times do I have to teach you this lesson, old man? *plays your leitmotif in harmony with my own, intensity of both changing as our climactic battle’s balance shifts back and forth, eventually leaving only one with long, low pauses to musically represent our mutual struggle to overtake the other, yet not being able to exist in full without them.*

oh, you’re going to regret that! *plays your leitmotif on piano in short, soft notes to show that you’re being worn down, and that your energy is at a low, but with a steadily rising bassline that foreshadows your upcoming second form*

Stop fighting my lieutenants, this is not how you get promoted to right-hand henchperson *incorporates both your leitmotifs into my theme to show that all this time you have merely been an extension of a greater unseen threat*

god i love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home

no more cold and calculating i want warm and calculating. i want characters who use deductive reasoning to figure out whether their friend would like a wool or cotton quilt based off of their lifestyle, career, hobbies, and habits. i want "your nails are often chipped because you work for a law firm as a typist for this company which notoriously underbudgets their IT department, so ive bought you a keyboard cover that will not only prevent manicure damage but is also sensory friendly because I know you dislike certain clicking noises". i want characters who figure out their friends entire schedules and social battery levels just by examining who only use that info to know when the best time is to hang out with them. i want characters who create elaborate, supervillain level schemes just to get their hands on some collectible they know their best friend wants. most of all i want characters who do not use intelligence and reasoning skills as a reason to be cruel but as a means to be kind

i'm not really a hater so much as a disliker. occasionally the fires of hate burn within me but mostly i just encounter things and go hm. don't like that.

it's so important for your health and well-being to get overly attached to a fictional man who is both deeply amoral and unbelievably, pathetically sad

Fun fact I never got to share on stream: Tucker Carlson's most recent book did not make the NYT bestseller list. Do you know what book beat it out? Baking Yesteryear by that tiktok cooking twink.

#earth is healing

Baking Yesteryear hasn't failed me yet! I've only tried three recipes so far, but each one has been exactly what was promised. (And delicious! Oh that peanut butter bread...) I have plans for future birthday cakes!

"the 'power of love' trope is such an overused and cliche gimmick" i do not care i will love it always and forever. love prevails and explodes the enemy

In slavic languages the word 'bear' literally comes from 'honey eater'

I promised Twitter that if my tweet about this gets 300 retweets I’ll post another fake page. 👀

Happiness for Miette!

You DRUG Miette? You lace her lizard with the HALLUCINOGEN??

Are we at the burning man??

Tripping balls for Miette. Tripping balls for Miette for 36 hours.

my brother started calling our cat "doobie brother" which he then lengthened to "dubious brother" and has since morphed into "brother dubious" like he's some sort of fucked up little monk