Alice eats pant

Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.

So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.

But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.

It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?

So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:

Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.

And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.

So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".

So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.

My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.

Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.

Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.

Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).

Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues

According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.

Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.

For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.

Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life

Aaand a close-up:

HEY HI HELLO THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE

All the social norms. The standard of emotional detachment and performative machismo. The expectation that I treat men as competition and women as sex objects. The fact men tried to befriend me through boys club bullshit, endearing themselves to me by treating me as "one of the guys." The fact women were fully in their rights to feel threatened by me and avoid me, just because I was a man. The fact that there were privileges offered to me specifically because I was a man. I found it all deeply hollowing.

As I got older, my body disgusted me for all the reasons I was told men are supposed to like it. It was too large, too strong, too hairy. Too masculine. Which is frankly hilarious because in hindsight I was obviously like, a malnourished twink. Women in fact weren't afraid of me at all. I still vividly recall how my then-girlfriend from college approached me specifically because she thought I seemed "passive and non-threatening." And still it was too much. I was barely a man, and yet I was too much man. I could never like myself as a man. Could never lead a life worth living as a man.

The knowledge that I was a man felt like an immovable weight chained to my leg, something that kept me from ever becoming anyone I could be proud of being. Suffocating and meaningless. I turned to philosophy, learned all the reasons people choose to keep living, found none of them compelling. What meaning could I possibly construct in a life I had to live as a man? What god was worth worshipping if they had cursed me to live a life like this?... My options exhausted, I settled on repression. I'd just... bear with it. Work hard, raise a family, live vicariously through them. In a corner of my mind, a piece of me hoped desperately that reincarnation was real, so I could be a girl next time.

It's not that I didn't know transition exists. In fact I knew several trans people. But the concept had never been presented to me in a way I could see myself in. I didn't have some sense of absolute truth in my core that told me I was definitely 100% a girl, and the few trans women I knew were so confident in themselves, so accomplished and whole and liberated, that I could never in my life find them relatable. "That could never be me", I thought to myself.

I lost my virginity on my 20th birthday. I felt... numb, afterward. I didn't understand why it was such a hollow experience. Sex was supposed to feel good, right? It was supposed to. If I was going to be a man, I had to enjoy this. And I tried to seem like I did, but in our nakedness, all I could think about was how disgusting my body was, as I felt myself being sweaty and smelly and hairy and gross. And hers was so beautiful. So desirable. So... worthy of existing. Everything I wanted to be, but never could.

In the following months, the thought wouldn't leave. It felt like a raw, dull pain in my skull. I thought about my future. I thought about carrying this pain for the rest of my life. About being a man for the rest of my life. About growing old as a man. About dying as a man.

A year later, I came out as a trans woman. Two years after that, I started HRT. In march, that was six years ago.

happy yuri day to all sapphics 💕👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

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here, have some happy girls and their girlfriends/wives/significant others ♥

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