Wandering Limerence

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Years after finishing a good Xianxia drama, I can find myself thinking about it.

I may love the epic battles and attaining new ranks.

But it’s the waiting, the devotion and the undying love that grabs me every time. Wrings my heart.

Writing about why we cannot let go.

Some says it takes 21 days to form a new habit.

How long does it take to hone a new skill?

In a world obsessed with speed and instant proof, Xianxia (仙侠) gives a completely different magnitude to time.

You can be the most powerful cultivator in all the realms. You can cheat death and outlive dynasties.

But you cannot choose who you love. And you cannot guarantee that love will last as long as you do.

he likes his bros and loud laughter and pulling people into orbit around him.

you like sitting alone in your studio making music at 2am.

and yet somehow, every single time, he still turns to you first and says:

“you’re coming too, right?” 🩵

something about that line quietly destroyed me.

not because it was dramatic.

because someone loved you enough that wandering stopped feeling necessary.

is it a hold? or is it hole that fileld?

wrote more about 防空洞 (air-raid shelter) as a metaphor for love on wandering limerence.

some loves expand you.

some loves are the cave.

My new music essay 防空洞 is now on Substack.

防 = protect

空洞 = emptiness. hollow.

to protect the hollow.

isn't that what a lot of love really is?

not fixing you.

just sitting beside the emptiness so it doesn't swallow you whole.

空的你，空的我。空空洞洞。 we are all emptied out.

Yet, we 相依为命。 Depending on each other to live.

no logic. no plans. just two people, slightly crazed, clinging to each other in the dark.

a disaster, probably. forever spring, definitely.

🎵 防空洞 essay about two Chinese songs, one shelter, one question about love. Read on Substack.

extroverts continuing to invite their introverted person everywhere without resentment.

just quietly making space for them in every future plan. 🩵

two Chinese songs with completely different vibes used the same word to describe love.

I have been thinking about that for longer than I'd like to admit.

because what if love isn't what expands you?

what if sometimes, love is just the cave you crawl into. when it's snowing outside.

new essay on Substack.

wrote this about the love that doesn't announce itself. quiet. certain. already all the way in.

🎵 走向前 (Move Forward). original C-pop lyrics by me, melody generated with AI. full song and essay on Substack.

there's a specific kind of love this song is about.

not the falling. not the longing from across the room.

the already. the settled. the person who pulls you in front of them, so you block the sun. not because they planned to. just because that's who they are around you.

最好的風景是你我 the best scenery is you and me

new original C-pop on Substack. lyrics mine. melody AI-generated on Suno.

that's the whole song. that's the whole thing.

🎵 走向前 — now on Substack

~ Kael / Wandering Limerence

two songs from different decades using the same word for love. a Tang dynasty poet saying something that sounds exactly like last Tuesday. a BL scene and an ancient poem quietly tugging the same heartstring in different costumes.

Wandering Limerence exists because of that.

for the ones who linger after the show ends. who feel everything but may not show much.

hello, new digital magazine on Substack. first post is up.