Jul 15
Feeling pretty meh /negative rn…
The word is slipping my mind but it’s the feeling where I would really just rather sleep and pray it’s better later
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Feeling pretty meh /negative rn…
The word is slipping my mind but it’s the feeling where I would really just rather sleep and pray it’s better later
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Had a dream that my sexy coworker with a porn stache grabbed me by my hair and made a makeshift ponytail with his fist gently but sternly and took me to a corner and made out with me… He was dominant but being sweet at the same time like someone who’s not mad, just disappointed.
So I had an assessment today, a friend suggested, well, I could have ADHD? I do have autism, I got diagnosed when I was ten. Aspergers Syndrome to be exact(I think these have changed since then, ASD is more commonly reffered now).
By what I told the Doctor... She seems to think yeah, I have ADHD too. Combined ADHD, whatever that means.
I'm not sure how to feel. Like, it hasent sunk it?It doesent feel bad but, also like "Do I? I'm unsure. What if there misdagnosisng, what if turns out why some things are hard for me, arent cuzza that after all?" And Autism and ADHD do have overlapping symptoms, they share a lot of the same things. But it is also possible to have both.
I'm used to having my autism, I was a mixed feeling as a kid when I found out. "Oh there is summin wrong, theres a reason I dont fit in, and it cant be fixed". On the other hand also "There IS a reason, I can learn, and work with it". Which even with dark days which I think is normal, I have over the years? Before people dident get help, they were just treated stupid, broken, and worst, put in special hospitals? Just locked away from society. I like to think as a whole things are better these days, lots of people are ND and in general there is more help, acceptance and understanding. Maybe if this IS summin I have, with further help, my life can make a bit more sense too.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????????????
Is there a Xianxia story that has never left you?
For me it's Eternal Love 三生三世十里桃花. For what they understood about love and time.
Sharing the ending track from the Eternal Love cdrama here to relive the moments.
入夜漸微涼 繁花落地成霜 你在遠方眺望 耗盡所有暮光 不思量 自難相忘
Writing about why the story never left me here.
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the most evil thing in the world is that love doesn't actually fix it. it can make things better and it can change you and it can save you and it can matter so so much but so often it doesn't fix it. you can't make it fix it.
and you know logically that's not because it doesn't matter or because it's not enough it's because there are just things it won't fix. but you can't help feeling like god. maybe it'd be enough if i was enough. maybe if i was enough then my love could fix it. maybe if i wasn't broken then love would fix me.
anyway this is also why we need more media where the love doesn't just fix it. but it still matters. because it does.
莊周夢蝶 Did a butterfly dream of me? 🦋
What if we are not humans dreaming of immortality,
but immortals briefly experiencing what it means to be human?
This question has intrigued me for a while.
The full piece is up here on Wandering Limerence if you want to sit with it too.