What does a BPD relationship look like? I'm newly self-diagnosed & I just feel like every guy hates me after a while. Even though I'm not sure that they do? I just feel like I have nothing unique to offer & someone else does. I feel like a burden & I don't want to open up & make them think I'm crazy (because I already feel crazy). I get into these emotional retreats and will spend days silently crying myself to sleep beside them so they don't know I'm hurting. If anyone can help, please.
I definitely know how you feel. In several past romantic encounters I've felt like I was too complex and crazy for the people I had feelings for, and sometimes I was, which is alright. Not everyone is mentally equipped to love someone with bpd. It can take patience and understanding.
More importantly, it's okay to be a complicated person. It's okay to have bpd. Not everyone will understand, and some of those people won't be willing to try. That isn't because you suck or because you aren't good enough, because those things aren't true! Having a mental illness isn't something that you can control, and it's hard to manage, especially when you don't have professional help. That can have an impact on relationships, even more so if the mental illness is bpd. It's hard for us to process and comprehend feelings of insecurity and paranoia, and that can cause internal and external damage.
While those feelings are valid, they are usually irrational, which can be hard for you to identify, analyze, and unpack. The solution to this is to communicate. Your partner should know how you're feeling so they can try to help you work through those emotions, specifically when they're worries about your bond with them. For example, last week was my six month anniversary with my girlfriend, and I wrote her an essay about how much she means to me, and then read it to her aloud. It made me feel particularly vulnerable, and then through the rest of the day, she seemed more quiet and distracted than usual. It bothered me and had me anxious for several hours before I very calmly asked if she was out of it because of something I said, and she said that it wasn't, she was just h1gh (lol)
Your significant other is there to support you emotionally and to make sure you're okay. It's alright to ask for comfort when you're feeling bad, whether it be a discussion, an agreement, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a date night, or just some snuggles. Not only is it fine to ask for, but you deserve that solace and care.
To answer the question "what does a bpd relationship look like" would be pointless, because they don't all look the same. They have similar patterns of behavior, but the other party is a variable that has a large effect on the dynamic of the relationship. What a healthy bpd relationship looks like, though, is open honesty, trust, care, understanding, communication, patience, clear boundaries, and thoughtfulness.
I would offer more sage relationship advice but this is very long as is and has taken awhile to write. However, i have the privilege of having been in therapy for a long time, and I recently became much more enlightened about mental health and relationships. If you ever have any other questions I gotchu π€π€