#bpd advice

So instead have some healing related things I learned & am working on improving!:

• if I feel myself spiraling or splitting, I try to remove myself from conversations. I had to learn the hard way that I just hurt my loved ones and act toxic during severe episodes, so I'm taking measures to ensure I can be a better friend, partner, sibling etc.

• looking more therapy and rehab options. Both clinics I was at were useless, so I had to look into other things. Being around people and needing to keep my reactions "under control" is helpful - especially because we do have a "quiet room" where we can go and rest if things get too much.

• I also have ADHD, and funnily enough my ADHD meds seem to help my bpd. Looked into it and apparently that's an actual thing for some of us who have both! -- my ADHD Meds & Anti Depressants together are a huge help :) but especially the ADHD meds!

• self reflection. Looking at my actions after and realizing it was bad, learning to apologize and acknowledge my flaws. -- I cant undo the hurt I caused during severe delusional, unmedicated episodes. And I do wish I had a way to erase some things I did. I realize the best i can do is take accountability, self reflect and remove myself from situations early if necessary.

• trying to focus on the here and now. Is hard. I'm still learning that, but I'm trying my best. I can't undo the things I have done in the past, and I can't change how others from then saw me if they cut contact already. The only thing I can do is work on improving myself and getting better *now* so that future me will be a better person

• telling myself off when I'm being mean to myself. If I catch me insulting myself or something, I try to tell myself off. It's hard, especially during self splits. My FP actually made me start doing this, because they expressed not liking me insulting myself. They didn't directly tell me to tell myself off, but it started with me going "No, FP wouldn't want me saying that about myself!" Subconsciously.

• trying to shift from "I'm doing this (taking care of my body) for FP!" & seeing my FPs as my reason to live to instead be like "I'm doing this for myself, and I can share it with my friends & FP so they can see that I'm getting better!" Its one thing to tell our loved ones we are trying to heal, and another one to show them. I'm trying to not see my FP as my reason to heal, but as someone important to me who is proud of me for healing. They are there to catch me if I fall, but they shouldn't need to carry me completely.

I think I wanted to add more but my brain zoned out uhhh.... I might do a pt2 at some point.

I do think that many BPDers may need some more positivity & healing info. Because often the tags online are clogged with vents, people enabling unhealthy coping techniques and delusions.

So I hope this helps someone out there. I don't blame anyone who isn't ready yet to get better, for whatever reason. I've been there for a long time and it took ages for that wall to break down. But I'm finally starting to work on it.

-🧪🦝

hey, even for the mods these things really mean a lot and I appreciate little pieces of advice so much!!!

i tell someone not to bring up my literal singular trigger? they do it anyway

i tell someone that something they did bothers me? they defend themselves//do it again//complain abt me to their other friends

It is really hard on your friends and/or loved ones when you accuse them of not loving and/or caring about you. I know those feelings are near impossible to control and that’s really valid. But so often, it can be hurtful to our loved ones to hear the accusations that they don’t care.

It took me a long time to work on correcting this harmful behaviour (and yes, it is harmful - but it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person) and while I haven’t changed the feelings, I have learned to challenge them and self soothe.

I keep a screenshot folder of messages that made me feel good and can affirm I am loved. If I feel like my partner doesn’t love me, I look at those screenshots and challenge my thoughts.

Example:

Q: Why do I think he doesn’t love me?

A: Because he hasn’t replied to me in a few hours.

Q: Is there an alternative explanation for why he hasn’t replied?

A: Yes. He could be having a really busy day at work.

Q: What is the evidence that he does love me?

A: This is where I look at screenshots. I also keep a list of things he’s done that show he loves me.

Sometimes this helps, and sometimes I need more. If I need more, I do message him but I do it in non-accusing way. My message might look something like this (this is a copy and paste from a text earlier this week) “I’m feeling insecure. My BPD is being rude. Could you please give me some reassurance?”

It’s okay to need reassurance. And it’s okay to ask for reassurance. But I think it’s important to find healthy ways to do this that work in your relationships.

There are also these things called “rage rooms,” where you pay to break a bunch of things. Glass, TVs, stuff like that. You get to use various tools (hammer, sledgehammer, etc.) to just go wild on this stuff. Not sure if it exists outside of the U.S., but I hope it does. Again though, wrap your hands and wrists.

That, or use my strategy, which involves my loud and obnoxious (and admittedly not great) guitar playing and something between singing and screaming.

- 🎸🐺

When should you distance yourself from your fp vs when should you discuss your disorder with them? Essentially you reach the crossroads of this relationship is going to get messy and toxic if one or the other doesn't happen.