Just a Poly Nerd

Okay okay, I'm not going all high and mighty on you. I, like a lot, have a pretty wild sex drive! And the potential to have multiple sexual partners is, for some of us, a great poly-perk.

But that's all it is, a perk. One that not even all polyamorous people seek. There's people in the polyam world that don't even much like sexual activity.

That's honestly one of the beautys of polyamory. I can choose to be with someone with a low sex drive, even some that may have none at all, and have it be intimate, healthy & long-lived relationship! And, with the right connection, I'd love that!

So, I know I've been rambling on about sex. But the main point is, from that last section, I can choose who I romantically involve myself with, regardless of sex.

It's about choice. It's about who you want to be with and accepting them as they are, a person that has their own values and personality. It's about making romantic intimate connections without limitations!

Polyamory can mean different things to different peoples, but sex was never it's main purpose nor goal. I mean sure, it may be a focal point at times for you. If you want to use this freedom to have wild orgies, get tied to the ceiling by a 2 doms at once, or just fuck a couple different people in a night, go for it! Slay it! As long as everyone is on board, go fucking wild if you must. I just request that you don't mistake your POLY-PERK with POLYAMORY'S PURPOSE!

For those of you practicing a polyam lifestyle, you know that learning a lot is just part of practicing polyamory, some expected and researchable, some just learning communication and love languages, some that just come with the experience. I'm here to share with you one of those things I learned through experience.

You see, at the beginning, when I orginally proposed polyamory to my wife (we opened from previously monogamous) wasn't the standard way. I had always believed in free love, and had noticed she had gained feelings for another guy. They weren't overwhelming feelings, nor threatening to our monogamous lifestyle, we had a lot of trust in one another, so I simply let her know my views and that I was willing TO TRY polyamory with him, but not sure about anyone else. This, although not right away, lead to them dating (they still are to this day).

You see, this is where my growth came. I have come to discover that, in my growth over what's been a relatively short time (only approaching a year). At the beginning, I was willing to try, like it was a test. I believed that it should be equal, and that I should also seek a partner so that "it was fair."

There was nothing fair about this approach. I know that now polyamory isn't about keeping score, it's not about giving her permission on who, and it's certainly not about testing a lifestyle with another person. They have real feelings. He's human, she's human, I'm human. It's about choice. Blissful freedom to decide where one's heart may drift, to accept the feelings you experience without being controlled by the others.

It's about letting go and letting their hearts flourish. It's accepting the only thing you should control is yourself. Their relationship was never a test. It was something real. Whom she had feelings for was never something for me to decide.

Humanity is accepting that you have one life, and that's the only thing you can ultimately control. Your one life. And you should be free to decide whom you experience that with, platonically or romantically. And that's what has dawned on me. That letting go, not controlling another person, doesn't rid me of security, it just offers another their right to freedom. That my partner is in control of whom she loves, whom she wants to share her life's journey with, and, in turn, realized I have that same right. I use this to choose to be with her, to love her and embrace her. To have her part of my life's journey, as long as she chooses to join me on hers.

And together, we'll drift. Through this chaotic world. And now she has another romantic relationship that flourishes. Him and I just had the choice of accepting one another or not, and I accepted him into my journey platonically, and he reciprocated. And I accept that, even if he hadn't, they still had the right to grow with one another.

Polyamory is freedom. It's letting go. It's embracing the chaotic world, riding its waves, and embracing those that ride it with you. You may find happiness in it, new joyful places to explore, people that you'd never expect to meet. You may find nasty waves, and scary experiences.

One thing, for me, that I have certainly found, is comfort. I have no intention of becoming monogamous again, but even if I do, I know that this lesson, understanding love and humanity, will never leave me. I know I'm free, and will never let go of that, and I'll work diligently to make sure I don't strip that freedom of those that cross my path.

What polyamory has taught me: