Found my old mechanics notes from two years ago. Can’t believe my notes used to look that neat. They do not look like that now:’)

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@junimist
Found my old mechanics notes from two years ago. Can’t believe my notes used to look that neat. They do not look like that now:’)

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having friends is important because otherwise you’ll stay convinced your parents are normal
the wisdom ive learnt is that becoming part of a friend group 1) takes a long time and 2) involves a lot of feeling awkward and left out at first. there’s nothing terrible about this but if you grew up chronically lonely or have any kind of trauma relating to social isolation this likely feels Really Wrong and activates danger signals. but both fortunately and unfortunately it’s just how becoming close to new people works most of the time
another thing that was not intuitive to me as someone who grew up an autistic loner: basically everyone on the planet is starved for connection all the time and almost everything people do is an attempt to reach out to another. most seemingly illogical interactions and behaviours can be explained by this. you have to take as many of these invitations as you can. even if you're wrong you still attempted to bring more warmth into the world
whenever I confess to people that i feel like I am just roleplaying as a normal person they're always like noooo you don't strike me as someone who's roleplaying as a normal person at all!!! :) and every time internally im like well yes that's because I am excellent at it
Unofficial Autism Post
Dreamy vibes 🦋🌸💫🩷

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Acceptance
I had a dream in which I drew something without a stabilizer, so I did. I suffer from essential tremor, which makes my entire body constantly tremble uncontrollably. I‘ve had this condition since my early teens and it‘s been getting much worse over the years. Especially my hands shake the most, which is making daily tasks quite difficult, and the shaking gets even worse when I‘m stressed or anxious.
Being at war with my own body, fighting dysphoria, disability, mental illness, chronic pain, and this tremor, had me burnt out and exhausted for a long time, giving up many of my hobbies for years and years. Most of all, though, I felt so very ashamed of all the things that made different. But slowly, I‘ve been working on accepting and embracing all those parts that make me me.
And today I felt like embracing my shaky hands. The picture you see above is what me drawing in a state of calm on an average day looks like. Perhaps I‘ll draw another when I‘m stressed out, just to see the difference myself. I kind of like how it turned out, actually.
oh how CUTE
it’s like you’re being ratatouilled but the rat is your shame

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We return to each other in waves. this is how water loves.
~ Nayyirah Waheed
studying for hours on an organized desk while sipping coffee,
slow paced productivity,
beauty&brains...𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆。˚♡𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ 𓈈
Bazen öylece rüzgarın ahengine dalar insan. silkeleyip dururken yemyeşil çimenleri..
A momentary breeze..

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by alexbeckett_
19.02.24// Long time since I last updated. On the last stretch of my master thesis, trying to write and failing. Battling with code I don’t like. How do people do this? I feel like my motivation is really low