Jude

I like getting fucked Ratatouille style, pull my hair and tell me what to do.

Saucy Linguine.

walking up to random doors and tugging on them and saying "i can't. it's locked" out loud to no one to fulfill my dreams of being an adventure game protagonist

this is how I pack for trips

trying to do anything on edibles

WHAT THE FUCK, JEFF?

how to figure out which member of your family is an alien

envious of fictional characters who experience catharsis through public outbursts as i have internalized everything i will ever feel

people are absolutely EVIL about the boundaries of “picky eaters”. no, they do not have to try it. yes, they can know they don’t like it without having eaten it before. no, they probably have not suddenly grown a taste for the food they’ve said they hate. no, they probably are not going to like it in the Special Way This One Place Cooks It. yes, you are being a bad friend if you try to “trick” them into eating it anyway

how am i supposed to function under these conditions [sleepy]

there's a tortoise at work and he's 30 years old and I love that he's 30 years old because I can look at this animal that is 3 years older than me and go "does the man want his appy slices??" and he hustles over cause the man do want his appy slices

A problem w being on tumblr is I'm completely desensitised to the urls you get on here. I'll send someone a link to a completely innocuous post I think they'll like & not until they're like 'what the fuck is this' do I notice that I've linked them to shreksbiggreencockandballs dot Tumblr dot com or smth. :/

My absolute favourite variant on this is when people debate a Big Topic that's full of such incredible insight and expertise and then someone goes "I agree with analcrusher69" and you scroll back up and yep

Thank you for the input becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys, I agree