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march 26 2024

i think i could be waterboarded… i think i could take it

First day on the job at this haunted house I get there and they ask me if I can hose down English Willy. I ask what they’re talking about and they take me to a hallway where this 7ft fucking rabbit fursuit looking thing covered in blood is standing around staring at the wall. When I was like “what the fuck is that” they said they found him in a backroom. Apparently they call him English Willy bc the ouija board told them his name was William and sometimes he’ll say ominous shit in a british accent. And he just walks around occasionally screaming in pain. Why the fuck did I move to Utah

He is surviving and thriving. Good for him.

Ok so when this man does it it’s considered normal and fine but when I mention my cockroach girlfriend I’m a ‘disruption to the workplace’ and ‘need to get help’

I bet if a mushroom could lap water out of your hand with a tongue that a gently drinking mushroom tongue on your hand would be the softest and gentlest thing.

not enough secret gardens and hidden passageways and bookshelves that open to a mysterious library these days. get working on that girls.