Okay so as someone who was fully no contact with his parents for a couple of years and is now in limited contact, I actually have something to say about this whole "Therapists encourage no contact" thing.
Because sure, anecdotal evidence. Data point of one. But my therapist, who I think is pretty excellent. Was SO determined to get me to try telling my parents how I was feeling. And she was CONVINCED that, if I just told them how they were hurting me, that they would come around and we could work on our relationship.
I have never seen someone more disappointed than she was on that fucking Zoom call when I read her my parent's response to my letter.
And this is, by the way. The story I have heard from all of my friends who either do not have a relationship with or have a strained relationship with their parents. Therapists are TRYING.
I think what people who do the whole "hurr durr estrangement is a trend!" thing miss is twofold.
One- that parents have been estranging themselves from their children for FUCKING forever and no one bats a fucking eye. It's not a trend. It's not a fad. It's just what you do when a child is "difficult" (or, let's be real here. When a child is gay or trans or does something a parent doesn't like).
And two- these people think the world revolves around them. So much so that, clearly, their child's estrangement is ALL about them. And about punishing them.
I didn't choose to cut my parents off to punish them. I did so- and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, those are my parents!- because I needed to make the best choice for my mental health. And the best choice. Was to remove myself from the presence of people who constantly made me feel awful. My estrangement was about ME.
Estrangement isn't a punishment. Estrangement is a child saying "I need to take care of and protect myself... Even if it is from my family." It is sad and difficult. And I think when people speak like this, especially people who have children who have decided to leave the family dynamic, well.
It paints a perfect picture as to WHY a child would feel the need to remove themselves from that family. It illustrates a complete lack of care for anyone but the person complaining that they are being "punished".
