I have big trousers and a new flat girls who wants me
cherry valley forever
The Bowery Presents
Today's Document
The Stonewall Inn
One Nice Bug Per Day
Fai_Ryy
Mike Driver

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Cosmic Funnies

ellievsbear
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
h

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noise dept.
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@joleneboquila
I have big trousers and a new flat girls who wants me

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For those who don't know: Ikumi Nakamura is the woman who was senior artist on Bayonetta, and designed the titular character along with Hideki Kamiya. Their greatest moment of bonding was over their insistence that Bayonetta keep her glasses on at all times. Nakamura cannot go to horny jail. She is the warden.
Happy pride month to her and her exclusively
she made a comic about the experience on twitter
happy pride
An Update from back in October I'm surprised wasn't added to this post. lol
maybe the world is worth it after all
a mama meeting
last night at the club i literally could not stop checking myself out in every mirror and window because i kept just seeing a dyke. i don't think i saw a guy even once. lately i feel like i found a billion dollars on the sidewalk
it feels like i finally became myself and also a completely different person

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'flat chested boob job' is always especially funny because boob jobs in the first place are logistical nightmares.
it must be understood that a boob job is first and foremost hot because it implies that both parties were so aroused by this frankly terrible porn idea that they actually did it.
hey why aren’t you groping me? do you hate me?
cant do the mutual first memory rb game because i genuinely cant remember anything. i dont know you were all my mutuals at birth. we were joined by the stars and by blogging
m,y first memory is that I Loved You and do still
*inserting new RAM into my 10 year old motherboard* "Shhh... hey, hey! It's okay girl. I didn't mean to startle you. I know it's been a little while. I've got a nice little treat for you here, okay? It's going to help you run smoother. There now, see? That wasn't so bad. I'm sorry girl. I didn't realize how much stress I've been putting you under, streaming Elden Ring with only 8 GB of memory... No wonder you're having trouble with Baldur's Gate 3. You've been doing so good though. I know you'll probably have to go soon, but we still got a few good years left. Hopefully this will help ease any pain you've been feeling. I'm going to put the cover back on the case now, okay? I love you."
Girls are you okay?
the delicate art of cracking someone's egg honestly has a lot of parallels to trying to help a friend who you think might be in an abusive relationship
often you will have to do both at once
OFTEN YOU WILL HAVE TO DO BOTH AT ONCE

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It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good
Highlights include:
For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.
Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.
Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.
I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.
I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.
Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.
Actually I've decided this is a poem
do u think ragatha fucks like a plushie or like a beanbag
two things which famously do not fuck
what you don't know could fill a library
many such cases
the existence of uncanny valley would suggest there is also a canny mountain
Canny Mountain, Charlie!

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"every mission to go back in time and assassinate infant hitler has failed. no time bureau agent can ever truly bring themself to murder a baby. to that end, we need a new breed of soldier."
"a baby soldier."
"a baby sold---god DAMN that is why i love working with you, man. how are we ALWAYS on the same page?"
“One day there was an anonymous present sitting on my doorstep—Volume One of Capital by Karl Marx, in a brown paper bag. A joke? Serious? And who had sent it? I never found out. Late that night, naked in bed, I leafed through it. The beginning was impenetrable, I couldn’t understand it, but when I came to the part about the lives of the workers—the coal miners, the child laborers—I could feel myself suddenly breathing more slowly. How angry he was. Page after page. Then I turned back to an earlier section, and I came to a phrase that I’d heard before, a strange, upsetting, sort of ugly phrase: this was the section on “commodity fetishism,” “the fetishism of commodities.” I wanted to understand that weird-sounding phrase, but I could tell that, to understand it, your whole life would probably have to change. His explanation was very elusive. He used the example that people say, “Twenty yards of linen are worth two pounds.” People say that about every thing that it has a certain value. This is worth that. This coat, this sweater, this cup of coffee: each thing worth some quantity of money, or some number of other things—one coat, worth three sweaters, or so much money—as if that coat, suddenly appearing on the earth, contained somewhere inside itself an amount of value, like an inner soul, as if the coat were a fetish, a physical object that contains a living spirit. But what really determines the value of a coat? The coat’s price comes from its history, the history of all the people involved in making it and selling it and all the particular relationships they had. And if we buy the coat, we, too, form relationships with all those people, and yet we hide those relationships from our own awareness by pretending we live in a world where coats have no history but just fall down from heaven with prices marked inside. “I like this coat,” we say, “It’s not expensive,” as if that were a fact about the coat and not the end of a story about all the people who made it and sold it, “I like the pictures in this magazine.”A naked woman leans over a fence. A man buys a magazine and stares at her picture. The destinies of these two are linked. The man has paid the woman to take off her clothes, to lean over the fence. The photograph contains its history—the moment the woman unbuttoned her shirt, how she felt, what the photographer said. The price of the magazine is a code that describes the relationships between all these people—the woman, the man, the publisher, the photographer—who commanded, who obeyed. The cup of coffee contains the history of the peasants who picked the beans, how some of them fainted in the heat of the sun, some were beaten, some were kicked.For two days I could see the fetishism of commodities everywhere around me. It was a strange feeling. Then on the third day I lost it, it was gone, I couldn’t see it anymore.”
—
Wallace Shawn, The Fever
(To understand it, your whole life would probably have to change.)
I saw Wallace Shawn at the end of this quote and thought surely it’s a different Wallace Shawn surely it’s not the fucking dinosaur from Toy Story this can’t be the fucking Sicilian from the Princess Bride but it is. It’s the same fucking guy I just read an explanation of commodity fetishism written by Mr. Incredible’s tiny boss at the insurance company
I’d completely forgotten that Wallace Shawn played the Grand Nagus, somehow. You’d think the voice would be unmistakable.
Anyway, everyone should still read the full piece this is from!
The Fever
[ID: tumblr tags read: the grand negus has a moment of enlightenment. / end ID]