Candid & Fishy

Frilled Shark foetus at Aquamarine Fukushima

A young Tadpole Madtom (Noturus gyrinus) catfish found in Lake Erie, MI, during a scientific survey. (The fish was later released)

Hello humans! Wait, please don’t let my looks put you off – I am a nice guy once you get to know me. I know, I might not seem as cuddly as some of the other critters asking for your attention but just give me a chance. I think we can help each other! I am literally “stuck” at home right now, and like you, I need certain elements in my environment to help me thrive. If you learn about and help protect my home, I might be able to teach you a thing or two about going with the flow during challenging times – I outlasted the dinosaurs after all!

Allow me to tell you a bit about myself and my often-misunderstood species (Entosphenus tridentatus):

- We are important! Not to brag but we Pacific Lamprey are native to this region and play a vital ecological and cultural role.

- We are legendary! Dinosaurs get a lot of credit in the ancient world but we are even older. Lampreys first appeared in the fossil record over 400 million years ago. Dinosaurs were around between 250-65 million years ago while salmon are 6 million years old. You humans are a mere 100,000 years old. Did I mention that lampreys have survived at least four and possibly five mass extinction events. How is that for iconic?

- We are survivors! You don’t get this old without skills. We are a very adaptable species. Though our physical form has remained largely unchanged since the oldest fossil record, Pacific Lamprey have co-evolved with our host species. We are parasitic and rely on a wide range of host species. But don’t worry, we don’t kill our hosts while we feed. Like I said, I am a nice guy once you get to know me :)

Female Whalefish (Cetomimidae sp.)

Whalefishes are a rare deep-sea fish named for their resemblance to baleen whales. They are characterized by their flabby, scaleless skin and their reduced or vestigial eyes. They exhibit extreme developmental changes and males, females, and juveniles all have drastically different forms, once thought to all be entirely separate species.

it’s officially slime o’ clock here at bunjywunjy dot tumblr dot com, and I’m about to introduce you to the ooiest, gooiest little bastards around. buckle up and please keep your limbs and face inside the ride at all times, because things are about to get weird and super gross.

this is Weird Biology, and today’s special guest is: 

seriously, buckle up! I’m not responsible if you don’t watch your hands and lose a couple fingers.

there’s a lot of really fucking weird fish out there, but none quite so weird as the Hagfish. they may resemble the unfortunate offspring of an eel and a sock puppet, but these wriggly scavengers are indeed true fish! and there are around 76 species of them, squirming around on the ocean floor and also in your nightmares.

Hagfish species range from just a few inches to over a meter long, but most of these writhing flop bags only reach about half a meter in length. their body plan is utterly bizarre and completely unique among fish! or almost unique, anyway. 

DRUMROLL PLEASE.

it’s found in exactly one other place in nature: the fossils of the very first fish to evolve some 300 million years ago, when seas were warm and predators were giant nightmare shrimp. 

that’s right, Hagfish ignored the last 300 million years worth of vertebrate evolution so hard that they might as well be aliens. 

man, the ancient ocean was a real trip.

in fact, they’re so incredibly alien that it’ll be quicker to just make a list of things the Hagfish LACKS and then go from there.

so here in rough order are traits that other vertebrates fought evolution tooth and nail for that the Hagfish decided they could do without:

complex eyes

skin that is completely attached to their body 

a jaw 

external gills

a fucking spine

belief in a just and loving god

as you can see, it’s quite a list. I’ll cover most of these points, (it’s a short article, c’mon.) but I just wanted to give you all perspective on what an evolutionary nightmare these squirmy bastards are.

if you’ve wondered if there’s a creature that gives evolution nightmares, this is it.

as I mentioned, the Hagfish is completely jawless. instead, they’ve opted to just kind of wedge a couple of sharp keratin plates in their face like a mockery of teeth. but that’s okay, you don’t really need much in the way of offensive weaponry if your main food source is corpses! (some of you might want to skip this next bit. I’D like to skip this next bit.)

once the Hagfish locates a dead or dying animal on the seafloor, they use their sharp keratin mouthplates to… um. I’m not going to go into detail because I want to be able to finish this article without a barf break, but it involves burrowing. aaand eating it from the inside out.

OKAYMOVINGON.

google it if you’re that curious, but I want to sleep tonight.

also like I mentioned, Hagfish are completely spineless! in fact, they’re the only vertebrate in existence to have a skull, but no spine. (if I had to pick a trait to be known for, it  would Not Be That.) you might think this would mean the Hagfish has trouble standing up for itself, but it actually makes them very slippery customers.

the lack of a spine gives the Hagfish a really stupid degree of flexibility. and if that weren’t enough, their skin is soft, stretchy, three sizes too big, and (like I mentioned) only attached at a couple spots. the result is like trying to grab an eel inside a wet paper bag- difficult.

but if that weren’t enough…

hang on, things are about to get gooey.

the Hagfish’s final line of defense is a biological supernuke that’s kept the species writhing along in relative comfort for 300 million years. in fact, it’s SUCH an overpowered superweapon nightmare that humans have started studying it for applications like body armor and stronger-than-steel cables. 

what could this super-scientific secret weapon be, you ask?

it’s an apocalyptic slimesplosion worthy of a Nickelodeon special.

yes, I was being literal.

specifically, it’s a special type of microfibrous slime that activates and expands on contact with water. a startled Hagfish can release enough slime to transform the water around it into 20 liters of solid, gel-like gunk that clogs the gills of any creatures unfortunate enough to be trapped in it.

the Hagfish then ties itself into an overhand knot (I couldn’t make this shit up if I wanted to) to escape the slime and wriggles away, scot-free and loving it. (once they figure out the bowline knot, that’ll be it. it’ll be the Hagfish’s world and we’ll just be living in it.)

someday.

with all these weird non-adaptations and that ultimate slime weapon, how are Hagfish actually doing? well, not great!

the problem is that while Hagfish can slime their way out of most sticky situations, there’s no way to disgust a drift net into releasing you. Hagfish were once caught only as bycatch, but now there are being deliberately fished for their leather (almost CERTAINLY cursed). and I guess they actually eat them in South Korea as a street food. (can we send someone to check if South Korea is okay? we probably should.)

but these ooey gooey slime sacks are an important part of nature, and deserve your respect and devotion. we hope protections are enacted for these ridiculous goo boys soon!

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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee or check out my Patreon to see extra content and support Weird Biology.

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IMAGE SOURCES

1. Red King Crab, Paralithodes camtschaticus 2. Japanese Warbonnet, Chirolophis japonicus 3. Sea Raven, Hemitripterus villosus 4. Starfish, Patiria pectinifera 5. Common Sunstar, Crossaster papposus 6. Banded Sea Urchin, Echinothrix calamaris 7. Nudibranchs, Flabellina verrucosa 8. Swift’s Scallop, Swiftopecten swiftii 9. Maldivian Crinoid, species unidentified 10. Shrimp, Lebbeus longimanus

Underwater Photography by Alexander Semenov

We’re feeling crabby about the invasive European green crab that has made its way into Greater Farallones National Marine Sanctuary! 🦀

This species first appeared along the Western U.S. in 1989, likely through the ballast water of cargo ships traveling across the ocean. These highly adaptable predators feast on shrimp, oysters, clams and small Dungeness crabs, taking away important food sources for local shorebirds and migratory seabirds. Since 2009 researchers from the Smithsonian Environmental Research Center, universities, and volunteers have been working to remove these crabs.

(Photo: Kate Bimrose/NOAA) 

This fish is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-YES! It’s a monkeyface prickleback! 

It’s almost Valentine’s Day, but don’t expect the monkeyface prickleback to catch eelings. After decades of putting up with being called an eel, the monkeyface prickleback is moving on. With its proud pectoral fins and lack of an eel-y leptocephalus larva, this elongated crevice dweller is ridding itself of the world’s eel intentions and focusing on being the best long fish it can be! 😤

1. Red King Crab, Paralithodes camtschaticus 2. Japanese Warbonnet, Chirolophis japonicus 3. Sea Raven, Hemitripterus villosus 4. Starfish, Patiria pectinifera 5. Common Sunstar, Crossaster papposus 6. Banded Sea Urchin, Echinothrix calamaris 7. Nudibranchs, Flabellina verrucosa 8. Swift’s Scallop, Swiftopecten swiftii 9. Maldivian Crinoid, species unidentified 10. Shrimp, Lebbeus longimanus

Underwater Photography by Alexander Semenov

Crevice kelpfish (Gibbonsia montereyensis)

The Crevice kelpfish is a species of clinid found along the Pacific coast of North America from British Columbia, Canada, to Baja California, Mexico where it prefers areas close to the shore amongst algae. This species can reach a maximum length of 11 cm.  This species feeds primarily on polychaete worms.