Untitled

New Hollanov fic for the HR Kinkmeme on AO3!

T, NAWA, 15k, Canon divergence

The problem was that everyone who played for Boston, except for Ilya, was like a million years old and had forgotten what fun was, if they’d ever known. They were all, like, married with kids and their idea of a good time was a barbecue where they drank a few flat weak-ass beers and or went golfing. Ilya just wanted to have fun, okay? He just wanted to live.

or

Ilya gets traded to Montreal. Everything goes better than expected.

Excerpt:

“Yeah, uh, hi, is this Ilya Rozanov?” the person on the other hand asked in a polite Canadian accent.

“Yes,” Ilya said.

“Oh, ah, hi. This is Shane Hollander, of the Montreal Voyageurs.” As if Ilya might never had heard of Shane fucking Hollander. “Um, I am excited to meet you,” Hollander added in Russian in the worst accent Ilya had ever heard.

Ilya sighed. “Yes, thank you,” he said in English, giving in so Hollander wouldn’t attempt any more Russian. “I am looking forward to playing with you.”

“Me too!” Hollander said, suddenly far more excited. “I’ve been watching some tapes of your old games and I’m really jazzed to start working with you. I don’t know if we’re gonna want put you on the second line to just pummel our opponents or, well I’ve see some tape of you playing left wing with Dynamo and, fuck, I’d love to try that out at some point.”

Ilya blinked. It had been a while since someone had been excited to play with him. And this was Shane Fucking Hollander.

“Yeah,” Ilya said.

“Well, I’m just calling to welcome you to the team, and let you know I’m happy to help you if you need anything. And, oh yeah, look, I know you must be looking for a place and I own a building here, nothing much, just a few apartments, but they’re vacant and super convenient to the rink— we could even carpool?— and in a really nice neighborhood, so if you’re interested, you know you could even just stay for a little while, until you get settled?”

Ilya was nonplussed for a moment. Hollander wanted him to live with him? Or in his apartment building, whatever? And then he realized; management had must have asked Hollander to keep an eye on him. He opened his mouth to tell him where he could stuff it and then closed it again.

He already fucked it up once. Already fucked it up so hard that he’d been kicked out of Boston. He’d thought he’d been a sure thing, a player you built a franchise around. Thought he was going to be the fresh new face of Boston. And then he’d dicked around and gotten sacked.

If Boston could afford to lose him, Montreal sure could. They already had their fresh new face. If he didn’t play along what was to stop him from them trading him? And then he’d be branded a Problem and probably tossed from team to team like a hot potato until he ended up somewhere miserable with a contract for millions less than he was actually worth.

“Yes,” he heard himself say. “Thank you. That would be good.”

"zhenya, what does daddy's team need to do to win tomorrow?

*5 year old voice* "get pucks in the net."

"interesting analysis. anything to add as our official correspondent?"

Ilya Rozanov has been drafted by Boston, the number one pick overall, but his father doesn't want him moving to America and so takes steps to block his visa. He's going to have to go back to Russia and stay there forever and that, thinks Shane Hollander, is wrong.

It's so wrong that Shane can't stop himself from doing something about it. Even though that something is the most reckless, the only reckless thing he's ever done in his life. He marries Rozanov in secret, to keep him out of Russia and put him on a path to Canadian citizenship.

Shane's got a five-year plan to get him there and when you have a plan nothing can go wrong. Right? Right. When you have a solid plan and a marriage that's on paper only there's no risk of feelings getting involved. Not on Rozanov's part and certainly not on Shane's.

Right???

(or, the story of how Shane Hollander fell in love with his own husband)

LINK

“Look at all of these fucking assholes playing on my team now,” Rozanov crowed as he surveyed the room. “Some of them I really fucking hate.” 

“You’ll get over it,” Hollander said. 

“Somebody will,” Rozanov agreed. “They will also get over hating each other, since they all wanted so fucking badly to be here. They will not hold grudges. There will be no grudge-holding on my team, Hollander.” 

No one seemed quite certain how to respond to that, then a voice from the back of the room piped up. “Rozy, you prick, you plan to say that to our fucking faces or just whine to your husband behind our backs?” 

Rozanov turned a terrifying, delighted grin on the man who’d spoken. Borgen, Jace thought. Defenseman from Vancouver who bore more than a passing resemblance to the Mountain from Game of Thrones. 

“I would always rather speak to my husband than to your fucking face, Borgy,” Rozanov said. “But since you ask, yes.” He clapped his hands together. “Every asshole in this room listen up. And yes, that is all of you.” The grin was gone, in its place a look that every one of them had seen on Roz’s face before, on the ice right before he fucking demolished them. “This team you play for now will be unlike any you have ever been on, and not just because your captains sleep together.” 

Hollander rolled his eyes but he said nothing. Neither did anyone else. Jace glanced around but none of the other players were reacting to Rozanov’s words in any way.  

The scowl that formed on Rozanov's face encompassed them all. “That was a joke, dickheads,” he said sternly. “First rule of being on this team is you all fucking laugh at my jokes. Will not be hard, they are always very funny.” 

“If it helps you can laugh at him not with him,” Hollander said, and that startled genuine laughs from Jace and most of the rest of the team. Rozanov sighed dramatically, but Jace’s keen eye spotted fond amusement in the glance he shot at Hollander. 

She's trying to focus, reading the same words over and over on the page.

But the head bobbing under the covers between her thighs is trying even harder to get a reaction.

Lily is working rapid flicks of her tongue against Jane, followed by gentle suckles and kisses. The squeeze and shift of Jane trying not to start rutting against her mouth is only driving her hunger more.

When one of Lily’s hands grips Jane’s waist, effectively pinning her down to stop her from her micro shifts away from the pleasure offered to her, Jane knows she’s in trouble.

Lily’s other hand comes up to slide a finger in, and it’s welcomed easily, accompanied by a solidly flexed tongue. Jane drops the book to her side and pulls the sheet down to reveal the culprit of the choked breath stuck in her throat.

A grinning Lily with shiny drool and wetness down her chin looks up at her,

"I win."

Jane rolls her eyes and bites her bottom lip, still dangerously sensitive to the finger lazily hooking in and out of her.

"Whatever."

Hollanov Social Media Fics

This is an ongoing list that will be updated as I read more !!

🏒 Thirst Tweets: Centaurs Edition | 1.0k

centaurs read thirst tweets

🏒 you go down (while the world watches) | 1.4k

Or, the one where hockeytwt reacts to Shane Hollander’s injury during the Metros x Raiders game and Ilya Rozanov’s reaction to it.

🏒 It's Time to Tell the World (I've Loved You for 12 Summers Now, Honey) | 1.7k

Shane and Ilya make their relationship timeline public on twitter.

🏒 You’re Giving Me Gray Hairs | 1.8k

the young Centaurs players have made it a goal in life to stress Ilya and Shane out at all times.

🏒 Ilya Rozanov Exposé | 1.8k

Viral: Married "gay" hockey star Ilya Rozanov caught IN PUBLIC sexting mystery woman. WITH RECEIPTS!

🏒 The Crowell Tapes | 2.0k

NHL Commissioner Roger Crowell under fire after audio of him reprimanding @OttawaCentaurs players Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander over controversial coming out leaks online

🏒 Ilya vs Omegaverse | 2.2k

Ilya discovers the omegaverse and makes the idea of a pregnant Shane everyone's problem

🏒 20 Questions | 2.5k

Harris ask Hollanov questions for Valentine’s day social media.

🏒 Ilya’s Ipad Baby | 2.8k

Ilya is an online menace much to everyone's dismay

🏒 Shaydengate | 2.8k

Twitter user @ShaneHollanderNHL accidentally interacts with ship art.

🏒 Project Kill Pike | 2.9k

hayden's birthday post to shane causes a stir online. ilya doesn't stay silenced

🏒 Got Me Puck-ed Up | 3.1k

it’s February 14, and the Ottawa Centaurs’ question of the day comes in the form of custom-made Valentine’s cards for the players (some good, some not so much).

🏒 Home Alone | 3.1k

Ilya Rozanov, home alone.

🏒 You Will Murder Me? | 3.9k

Ilya's reaction every time Shane does a new sponsor deal and photoshoot (no, he is not okay).

🏒 What’s Wrong With Them (Affectionate) | 3.9k

What if Shane and Ilya decide to explode the internet by letting their friends post about their wedding, before anyone knows they're together. A chaotic way to come out if they could do it on their own terms.

🏒 they have no idea (about me and you) | 4.1k

Or, the one where some fans on hockeytwt get FanMails from Hayden Pike with a little Hollanov sprinkled throughout them so they form a private group with the agreement to not leak those videos. But then Brad happens.

🏒 The Low Road | 6.2k

Hollanov has gone public, Harris is permanently exhausted, and Troy just wants to get through one dinner without having to hear about Ilya fucking Rozanov.

🏒 Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov Break the Internet | 6.2k

Hollanov slowly coming out through social media posts.

🏒 There Lived A Certain Man In Russia Long Ago | 7.7k

Shane's ever-growing list of songs he has banned because Ilya does not know how to behave himself

🏒 Say Something Batshit Crazy (I’ll Do It, Don’t You Make Me) | 8.3k

Ilya joins stan twitter

🏒 I Beg You, Don’t Embarrass Me (Motherfucker) | 8.7k

Ilya refuses to desactive his stan account

🏒 I’ll Drive You Home (You Drive Me Crazy) | 10.5k

Competing in the Olympic games doesn't stop Ilya from terrorizing stan Twitter

🏒 I Just Want You To Know Who I Am (From the Cottage) | 15.0k

Shane and Ilya finally get the chance to tell their story the way they want to.

🏒 Twitter SMAU

where shane gets added to the ottawa WAGs group chat and they all find out that polite shane hollander is secretly a freak

Weird. Suspicious.

When Batman gets whammied by some alien with super mystical powers, and he goes down, they panic. Who wouldn’t?

But they pull themselves together, defeat the alien, safely transport Batman back to the Watchtower med bay, and call his emergency contact.

Who happened to be Nightwing.

Peculiar. Odd.

“How the fuck are they so close already?” Hal whispered to Barry, watching as the younger man anxiously sat beside Batman’s bed and worried his bottom lip. "It took him an entire year just for him to call me by my hero name without the mocking undertone."

Barry shrugged. “I have no clue. I mean, I know he’s close to Wally, and Wally is strangely close to Bats, so maybe that’s the connection?”

“Right… your nephew is a weird one.” Hal hummed, wincing when Barry punched him hard on the arm. “Sorry, I mean, he’s good at getting people to like him, even scary guys like Spooky. Nightwing seems the same.”

Superman hovers nearby, wringing his hands on his cape. “I’m sorry, Nightwing, I- I don’t even know how the spell slipped past me…”

Other heroes also milled around, worried for one of their founding members, just wanting to see him wake up before going about their other duties.

Nightwing shook his head, taking Batman’s hand into his own and playing with the tactical toe beans. “It was bound to happen. He’s a reckless idiot, there’s no way he’d allow one of the strongest hitters to go down before him.”

Nightwing’s breath hitches as Batman suddenly squeezes his hand back.

“He’s waking up!”

“Batman…?” Superman leaned over, staring down at his long-term best friend with concern clearly written on his face. “Can you hear us? Are you awake?”

Batman groaned, his hand once again squeezing Nightwing’s. Instead of answering Superman’s probing questions, his eyes glided over the other man to Nightwing, frowning slightly.

“Baby…” he muttered.

Everyone in the room froze. Hal and Barry’s mouths dropped open. No fucking way. Was this some sort of mass hallucination? No way the Batman just called someone baby.

“Uh, Batman-“ Superman tried warning, but was once again ignored by the injured man.

“Baby… my sweet baby… light of my life… my pumpy-umpy-umpkin…”

Superman snorted, quickly covering his mouth and looking away. “Oh my gosh, he’s going to kill everyone when he’s in his right mind.”

"Batman doesn't kill..." Hal whispered, still in shock.

"He might. This can't be real. Somebody pinch me." Barry reached down and pinched Hal's thigh, twisting it to make it really hurt.

"Ow! What the fuck, Barry?!"

"Shush, he's still speaking."

At this point, Batman had stubbornly propped himself up on a pillow and was gently cradling Nightwing's cheeks in his hands. Oh my gosh, Batman actually took off his gloves. And he had human hands...

"Ooo... darling... honey bun..." Batman sniffed, sounding scarily close to tears.

Nightwing, who looked a little scared at first, now looked flustered and exasperated. "Okay, um, Dad..." gasps throughout the room, Superman floating upside down, trying to stifle his laughter. Batman was a father. Batman was the father of Nightwing. This was unprecedented. "I'm fine, I swear. You can do your own check-up later. Dad, why don't I take you home, hmm?"

"Love bug... sugar cookie..." another sniffle. Batman had so many affectionate nicknames in his arsenal. He just didn't seem like the type to use them, but that was obviously wrong. Somehow, Nightwing understood what he wanted from just one word.

"Yes, I'll call everyone so you can see them. Hood included." Nightwing sighed, a soft blush on his face as he looked at the other heroes in the room. "Uh, I'm just gonna take him now. Don't say anything about this." He threatened, and at that moment, everyone understood that he was most definitely raised by Batman. Scary...

"Superman." Nightwing raised an eyebrow, and Superman immediately flew down to carry Batman.

"Uh." Superman coughed and smiled crookedly. "You're not gonna tell him about me laughing, right? Nightwing? Buddy?" Superman floated after the younger man, carefully holding a limp Batman.