#3 Shane Hollander Fan

i think even if the raiders found out jane was a guy they would not go straight for a rhyming thing and find shane, mostly bc that’s a pretty phonetic way of looking at english and makes a lot more sense from an english as a non native language perspective, esp if the native language is largely phonetic, like russian is. SO anyway i think cliff goes on a wild goose chase for men named ‘james’ during the post tuna melt breakdown in an attempt to fix ilyas awful mood

the idea of being upset over shane being bigger than ilya is insane for many reasons but also like. ilya would love that. like thats his bernese mountain newfoundlander irish wolfhound sheep dog that he trained. the fuck are you talking about

the idea that before ilya ever thought of having shane over he went looking for any proof of him being with girls is sooo silly to me. i bet he ctrl f searched through his wikipedia at one point because even though, yeah sure shane’s wikipedia doesn’t have a scandals section, that doesn’t mean that there was never a single time he was seen with someone. he then goes through an hour of searching ‘shane hollander’ + tmz and different gossip mags on an incognito browser. he finds bits and pieces of shane in grainy group photos of his team coming out from a bar or certain tacky photoshoots he did earlier in his career. he also then is reminded that there is nothing of him anywhere. no dingy photo of shane walking down an alley in an outfit ilya remembers stripping off or anything taken from outside of a mildly tinted car window with shane wrapped in a hoodie half asleep against the glass hours after the team had already come back from celebrating. so what can ilya actually be sure of anyway

fully projecting here but i think myshane hides his stims in visually ordinary movements. that boy is chewing his molars like he has gum in his mouth as he sits idle reviewing tape with hayden and when hayden finally goes “oh good idea can i have a piece of gum, i ran out last week :/“ shane just stops the movement and is like “gum? wdym gum? i haven’t had gum in years?”

people talking about hollanov like shane is the only one from a rich household like let’s get a grip actually

i think ilya lays on shane’s lap a lot more than shane lays on ilyas lap because ilyas stomach always sounds like someone threw rocks in the dryer and set it on high and shane just constantly sits back up to ask if he’s okay

if shanebug was a real bug he would either be a lady bug (cute option) or a leaf katydid (fav option) but if ilya was a bug he’d be a loud as fuck grasshopper

shaneing out!!! (panic attack)

swear i’m still here i’m just busy 💔 yeah it’s fully my fault but i also can’t stop now

it’s pretty common for autistic people to lose their mask a little bit and still be comfortable in themselves when they’re drunk and i think shane is NO exception, we get the soft and melty doped up side but with all the laughter and chattiness that he has bottled up which the concussion had prevented. he’s talking about hockey stats for hoursss and gets a little sad but very informative about the montreal real estate market and when he’s with ilya he’ll trace his muscles and tell him the anatomical names and how to work them out and then press his face into them and melt over how much he likes them as ilya realizes he needs to be sooo much more sober ASAP to keep this safe