This Is Everything.

With the new year arriving, we often find ourselves reflecting on our past year and planning for what's next to come.

Personally, I believe this is going to be one of the most productive and foundation forming years of my life- but today we are going to take a quick look at the five specific "mommy-lutions" I set out for the new year.

Of course, it's not all roses and sunshine as I'll also be sharing some insight on how implementing these things actually went. 

1. Go To Sleep Child!

This is officially month three of me and Nylah being settled into a place of our own, and there have been some struggles but overall it feels great to have a place to call ours.

The different living situations we found ourselves in throughout the year made it incredibly hard to implement a routine.

Yet even now on our own time I have let routine completely escape us.

Nylah has had no official bedtime for a while. She would just go to sleep when I did- which sometimes meant one-o-clock in the morning.

In 2018, I'm not into that at all. 

For one, it's not healthy for her.

She needs stability and that includes going to sleep and waking up around the same time daily unless its very special circumstances.

Secondly, getting her to go to sleep at a specific time grants me some alone time. I could do things like, read interrupted. Or, I could watch a really bad episode of something without realizing she was looking at the screen while someone was having their head chopped off. 

8:30 seemed to be a reasonable time, so that was what I set her bedtime to be. This gave me as late as 6:30 to get her dinner and 7:30 to get her bathed and in pajamas. 

Now, while this was the mommy-lution I stuck to the most of them all, Nylah still had another plan of action.

There is only so much I can do in a studio apartment guys.

While Nylah was fed, bathed, and in bed lights off at 8:30...that didn't stop her from staring at me and playing with her own shadow until at least 10:30. 

The only way this bedtime thing is going to work is if I fake pump being asleep with her in our small space- or just accept an early bedtime for myself- which quite frankly would not be the worst thing in the world!

2. What Tablet?

This has been the killer.

I have spent the past three years mom-ing to prepare myself for the level of "tune-out" that this required, but I already noticed how much better it made just about everything.

I essentially, cut out the tablet. Not one hundred percent, but there is a maximum of thirty minutes per day (if any time at all) and absolutely no watching it while eating.

My kid was by far one of the slowest eaters in the world and while she is still fighting for a solid spot at the front of the line the difference of not having the tablet at the table has increased the speed of eating significantly. 

The only con is it forces me to be relatively fair ....which means I can't be on my phone or computer either. 

So we spend our mornings and evenings sitting at our table with me asking her how she is feeling and her subsequently rolling her eyes back and asking where her tablet is. 

We will make it through this. 

The few times she has had the tablet this week I set a timer and explained to her that when the phone rings, tablet time is over.

This definitely made it easier to take it away from her because it makes the phone more of the villain than me! There is no greater mom hack than being able to blame anyone or anything else for something.

Nylah has never played, colored, or painted more! The past seven days have been full of creativity, whining, and expressions! I attribute it all to taking that zombiefying tablet away from her!

Will I bust it out when I absolutely need her to leave me the hell alone for a significant amount of time? Um, DUH. 

For right now, though managing what she is consuming regularly is important to me and I want her to be performing creatively at her highest capability!

3. Let's Go Outside!

Nylah loves going outside and playing with her bike.

In 2018 we will be utilizing more of our yard space to cultivate our own garden, so we will be outside all of the time. 

However, walks and bike rides around the block make her even more excited. 

We only made it outside once in these first seven days of the year (for a bike ride that is, we are by no means shelled up in the house), but we will try more walks this week.

Once I'm able to manage my time more effectively, maybe every morning we could do something like take a walk around the block!

I just have to stay conscious of the clock and not allow time to continuously escaping me!

4. Mindful Momming.

You can make anything an addiction.

Food, drugs, sex, alcohol...you name just about anything worth living for like that (lol) and too much of it becomes problematic.

That is why one of my biggest resolutions this year is to be as mindful as possible throughout anything I'm doing to ensure that I'm not overdoing it. 

I struggle with my weight, even as a vegan. I make poor nutritional choices but for years I have been a binge eater. 

I can eat and eat and eat until it hurts. I'm usually zoned out while doing it and unless I can learn how to get it under control I will never be able to reach the weight loss goals I desire.

So how can I do this? Mindful eating!

Every time I've eaten this week I've taken care to notate how I'm feeling throughout. I've avoided distractions like my phone or computer while eating so I can focus on how I feel, what the food tastes like, and when I naturally feel satisfied so I don't overstuff myself. 

The same technique has applied to drinking alcohol and now that I am drinking slowly, paying attention to what the wine tastes like, and how it makes me feel at a slower rate...I find myself feeling fine after one or two glasses.

That's HUGE for me as previously I would make it a habit to finish every bottle of wine I started. 

In 2018 I believe that I can apply mindfulness to everything I do in my life which will end up resulting in maintaining balance in all areas for me. 

5. Claim 2018 Mama!

I had a goal to create and hang my vision board by the end of the first week of January.

So the first three days of the year while Nylah stared at the wall after 8:30, I watched season 4 of Black Mirrors on Netflix in a corner and clipped out relevant pieces of photographs and words.

I was making sure they aligned with what I had written out in my journal right before that- every single thing I was going to accomplish this year. 

Magazine pictures can only be so specific, so I believe it's important to set intent on paper through journaling first and that's what I did.

In the areas I felt it be more important, I took colorful paper and wrote that shit out too and pasted it on.

This is my year because I am going to be so goal-oriented, specific and direct with my intentions that there is no way the universe isn't going to give me what I need. 

Within days of my vision board going up above my desk in my little sanctuary my life has stabilized in ways I can not even describe. 

In the first week of January 2018, the universe has reaffirmed my purpose, set me up for success, and basically told me "bitch you 'bout to do it this year."

I'm nervous, but I'm excited. This year is going to be a game changer for me, along with anyone else who truly speaks it into their existence.

I'd love to hear back from you guys about how your first week of 2018 has gone in the comments below.  

Also to help us out, share a thought about what you would like to see from She Really Had A Baby by shooting an e-mail over to [email protected]. 

Hello there lovelies!

Guess what? I did it! I finally finished my first semester back to school in years. I passed all my classes too! Even Math! Ha! I had a ton of personal shifts and changes from the very first day of the semester and throughout,  but I stuck with it! Thankfully I have a few weeks of a break before my winter classes start. I was thinking it would be the perfect time to reflect on what I've learned about my habits that will help to ensure I have a successful semester this next time around. I'll also be talking about some dope resources and programs that helped me make it through!

Also if you haven't checked out my previous post about my hacks for the Fall Semester, head over and see if there is anything useful for you there! 

Waiting Until The Last Minute Does Not Work

I mean, for some things sure- but in all seriousness even then it just increases the level of stress associated with the task at hand. It also almost always compromises the quality of work that is being done. With the majority of my classes being online, because who has time for that parking, I really need to manage my time much more effectively. Starting assignments thirty minutes before they were due gave me the worst anxiety and I know the quality of a lot of my work could have been so much better. Also, even though I was capable of hitting the mark when needed for three out of four classes, that last minute shit did not work in Math. It's really a completely different language to me. I needed to set time aside to really practice and absorb it into my mind. I escaped the class, but I do plan on being much more strategic and focused in Spring. I can not imagine Statistics being anything other than awful, so we will see. 

I Will Drink The Whole Bottle

Wine is alcohol, and alcohol is distracting. As many times as I said I would just enjoy one glass with my dinner before starting my homework, I still always had more than that and fell asleep. I'm actually on a journey towards giving alcohol up altogether. I'm over the way it negatively impacts my behavior- especially procrastinating on homework. Sprained ankles and cracked phone screens are a good runner up though.

Study Groups Actually Work

I never did more homework for my Math class than when I met up with people from class to work together. There is a collective sense of focus in a study group that you can't get on your own. Plus, whenever I got lost during a problem at home, I would spend hours trying to figure it out or just give up completely and lay down. Lol. In a study group though, there is always at least one other person that understands something and is able to quickly help to teach or refresh your memory and you can keep powering through that assignment. Lastly, there is nothing wrong with some friendly competition when it comes to testing scores.

Resources For People w/ Disadvantages Are Endless

No matter what your situation is, there are options for you on campus to help make your education there is a success. I have tried to go to school unsuccessfully so many times, but this time around utilizing what had always been there before really saved my ass. To find out about what is available to you, I suggest doing what I did. Before the semester started I picked a day that most offices were open and just walked around from office to office asking questions about what it was they offered assistance for and took a bunch of pamphlets. I ended up joining the TRIO program which was a huge working factor in my success this semester. Not only did they create a sense of community, but they gave me access to tutors free of charge throughout the semester. They also hold you accountable for progress by issuing updates on your status in your classes throughout the program. Sometimes just knowing someone is there to make sure you are keeping current is enough to keep you motivated. 

There was also the CalWORKs building where a program Helping Hands was able to get me vouchers so I didn't have to pay for books. That was such a blessing.

There is a child development center that offers daycare services while you study, how awesome is that? They are really giving everyone a fair shot at succeeding this time around!

Most importantly though I inquired more about the health fee of $11 I was charged at the beginning of the semester and realized that I had access to a free on-site therapist. Not only could I see them weekly, but I also was able to get medical attention from a Doctor there as needed!

I would have never known about these things if I wouldn't have been inquisitive and searching for them, so I'm glad I did. 

What The Next Few Semesters Look Like

I'm relatively close to having my AA in communications, but this first semester back definitely prepared me for what is to come on my journey towards furthering my education. I feel more prepared to make smarter decisions so it doesn't feel so overwhelming this time around. Time management is the BIGGEST thing for me, but I have faith in my ability to thug it out.

Are there any dope things your school offers you access to that you were unaware of? What does your school experience look and feel like? Let me know in the comments below or send an e-mail to [email protected] for any questions or comments you have for me.

Talk to you later

Hello there lovelies!

This week I'm checking in with you all so I can highlight a good friend of mine as Octobers Kick Ass Mom.

Not only is she a soon to be wife, she is a mother of two AND runs a business out of her own damn kitchen!

Akhan Customcakes is the name of this kick ass woman's baking business where she brings all of of your wildest cake dreams to life. She creates all types of custom cakes and treats for any special occasion.

If you didn't think spending what could be over six hours on designing and building one cake was hard enough, imagine also being a stay at home mama of two ! Alisha has a one year old son named Arrow and a four year old daughter named Ara- but if you think those names are cute, you should see the kids! Her and her fiancé Allen really put some work in on making these baby gap models!

I personally ended up connecting with Alisha through a referral when I was looking for someone to do Nylahs smash cake and candy table for her first birthday party. After taking one look at her instagram, I knew she was who I wanted to work with immediately. 

Creating a cake that looks good is one thing, but Alisha takes pride in the fact that everything she makes TASTES just as good as it looks. This girls cakes and cupcakes are MOIST y'all. During my pre-vegan days I was enjoying the hell out of whatever she made for me. Plain and simple these are not the cakes you throw away if there are left overs guys, I PROMISE. 

Akhan Customcakes has been up and running for three years now. Alisha even attributes some of the hustle of getting it up and running being due to her daughter Ara. Staying home with a baby was difficult, but she found solace in occupying her time with baking. 

One day she just happened to offer to bake a cake for her friends husbands birthday, and after some googling and you-tube videos, she set out to make a cake that he would love. Since he loved beer, she gave a go at creating a cake based around that.

Alisha was just as surprised at the entire parties reaction to the cake, as they were that she could do something so cool!

It was all uphill from there, during that same party she already started getting inquires about other cakes- but only after posting it to her instagram did she land her second client through another mutual friend. 

Things were looking like they could become pretty serious, so Alishas fiancé encouraged her to create an entire separate instagram for the cakes. Then it was official, Akhan Customcakes was born. 

Three years later Alishas business is booming. She says she constantly has business although she did cut back on how many orders she takes after giving birth to her son. Understandably so, two kids are HARD. Shoot, ONE KID IS HARD. 

In the future, once both of her kids are in school, Alisha see's herself having not quite a store-front (maybe way further into the future), but a kitchen separate from her house.

That way she will have more room and storage space for all of her tools, and an official pick up place for her clients where she can even do consultations if they need them. 

To close out on a lighter note, Alisha told me a major, yet hilarious, baker fail she had:

"One time when I was delivering a cake- well for starters I do not deliver, I have my children ninety-percent of the time, it just doesn't work for me. So I was delivering this one time and I was meeting the client closer to the 101 near my home. I was running behind schedule already. I had  the cake next to me in the passenger seat, the cake was so pretty. I was driving and as I'm turning into the parking lot where she is, someone cut me off. When I hit the brakes the cake fell, and toppled over to the point that I could not even see it. I started freaking out, my heart dropped into my stomach. When I looked at the cake, it was completely done. I couldn't just not tell her what happened, so even though I was on the verge of tears I got out of the car. She was a very well put together high profile looking woman to add insult to injury for me. So I told her what happened, and all she did was repeatedly ask me where the cake was. After the third time I finally showed her and she started panicking, telling me how this was the center of the party. I asked her what time the party was and found out  I had two hours to pull it together. I told her I was going to get her this cake I just had to go immediately so I could make another one. She asked me if I could really pull it off, and after I said yes, she told me the party was in Marina Del Ray! Wtf! So I rushed home, and luckily a few of the major parts of the cake I created were capable of being saved.  I don't know how I did it but I re-made that cake and drove it out there to them- I didn't even charge her. It was the most nerve-wrecking experience I have had since being in business, but they LOVED the cake and that was the most important thing to me at the time."

If you didn't understand her level of baddassery prior to that story, I hope you do now!

That's how you maintain a business y'all !

Make sure you reach out to Alisha if you're in the Los Angeles area and need any custom cakes created for any upcoming special events, or just stop by her pages to admire her sick ass work!

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/akhancustomcakes/

Instagram: @akhan_customcakes

Catch you guys soon!

Don't forget to send in your kick ass mom of the month submissions to [email protected]

I'm sitting at a table inside of Starbucks. To my left is a glass panel window facing the parking lot. As the car pulls into the  space right outside of the glass, it starts to happen. The car doesn't stop where it is supposed to, it's coming closer to the glass, now through the window! I jump a little bit because I can literally feel the impact of the vehicle on my body. I'm not crying, but my eyes are starting to swell with tears because who is going to take care of Nylah, how did I let this happen? Am I dead, or permanently unable to walk now for the rest of my life?!

The car never came through the window, and for the past thirty seconds I have completely forgotten I was doing math homework. This happens frequently throughout the day, and there are a shit load of thirty second time frames in an entire twenty-four hours. When I'm driving next to trucks I imagine all of the different ways I could swerve to avoid dying. I have heard myself scream out "Someone please save my daughter, she is in the back seat!" while envisioning potential accidents when I'm on the freeway. 

Or maybe a loved one will text me, and I will imagine how they would feel if I was dead, or in turn what I would say at their funeral- and despite sometimes being in public I will begin to cry. I can always pull myself back together relatively quickly. On the outside at the very least. My mind can become extremely obsessive at times though. 

The placement of things, not having too many things, everything having a place. Feeling like something is missing, or feeling like I am suffocating. Being present with people and wishing they would stop talking, and then being alone and wondering why I am so difficult to love. 

I'm easily triggered, easily brought to anger. I have zero patience most days. I carry my angst and trauma in my neck, at the base of my shoulders-  so even standing and sitting up straight can feel unbearable. 

I never have enough money...it is truly everything isn't it? Some times I am barely able to even provide myself with the most basic of needs. My life feels like a bad movie seventy-five percent of the time. 

People don't understand that, or me...even people that love me but say I'm just letting something get the best of me and that I can and will push through anything. It's always insulting when someone belittles something that effortlessly consumes you so often. 

Every day I fight this. Most days I win, other days I lose. I have to put extra effort into not letting myself operate off of emotion, because mine fluctuate so often. Quit this job today, or have money tomorrow. 

I can make anything an addiction, it's in my blood. I back away from most things cautiously. 

My e-mails have to be cleared and put in folders daily. I can't leave notifications sitting on my phone. My apps are color coordinated. I make lists every day, and still fall behind on everything and panic, and rush and sweat and stress and stress. People call me on the phone and I have to half-listen to their problems because it puts me on edge listening to most people talking about what is wrong with them when I am always falling apart myself. 

I wake up though. I make it through the day. My daughter is taken care of and happy, she is so smart. She knows I love her, she always makes sure I'm ok. If I have a bump or scratch on my body she notices it right away, and rubs her finger along it and asks me if I'm ok.

& I am, I'm ok. I'm just fighting something very real, every day. It's worsened since motherhood I believe. I never paid attention to how shitty this world was before Nylah. Like what exactly have I brought someone else into this all for? 

I'm journaling, I'm reading, I'm searching, I'm trying. 

Do you feel like you have tried everything and you're still wiping shit from your beloved child's bottom? Check out my new blog post for my little secret tip!

There is a new post up on She Really Had A Baby, and we are closing out July with the first Kick Ass Mom Of the Month, my good friend Kathy Clarke.

We discuss motherhood, being a wife, life with TWINS, and her nursing career.

Check it out and show her some love!