Say Yes to the Jess

i made your favorite dish. i made you something you’ve never tried before. i love you. i spent twenty minutes chopping. my grandmother made this for me when i was little. i made this dairy free for you. i love you. i want to eat together. the onions made me cry. i love you. i learned this recipe for you. i love you. i made this special for your birthday. i love you. i know you don’t like peppers. i love you. i love you. i love you.

Yeah it was probably the wings

So many people never learned to live with harmless discomfort at any point in their lives and holy fuck does it show

[ID: tiktok by @/juzt_sammie with the caption "POV: You're visually impaired." A man walks up to a wall outside with a paper notice taped onto it. He says, "What is this? Let me put on my glasses." He puts them on and takes the paper, reading, "Beware, quicksa—" then cuts himself off with an annoyed look at the camera. As he says this he starts rapidly sinking downwards into the quicksand out of frame. End ID.]

getting followed by porn bots is weird and that’s coming from a guy with multiple 🥵 concubines

step aside you old cut-sleeve, i shall court these maidens!

the marquis of homo WISHES he had a fraction of my imperial glory!

right so i’m one of the most well regarded emperors in the history of china and you’re the guy who had to put “shut up about the mercury” in his bio

the Terracotta Army guy?

🙄 you build ONE funerary complex with 8000 life-sized statues of soldiers, horses and generals and suddenly you’re “the terracotta army guy.” 🙄 execution.

Stumbling across this makes me feel like a dad whos walked into their kids room beer in hand and seeing them roleplay starwars fights i do not belong here but god its entertaining

to be clear in this scenario im the jedi and im winning

recently when im tempted to say 'i'm gonna kill myself' i try to correct it into saying "im gonna walk into the river and become a trout" or some other form of that. this is my new thing

btw this has graduated into me just saying "the trout population will be affected" and then not elaborating

specifically the way it’s nesting on anti-pigeon architecture and pigeons are no longer remembered or valued for their service to society and instead seen as vermin just as a disproportionate number of homeless people are veterans who are no longer remembered or valued as people but instead seen as vermin and must build their lives around anti-homeless architecture and policies.