jaytal

Distant lover, lover

Oh, so many miles away

Oh, Heaven knows that I long for you

Every night, every night and sometimes I yearn through the day

Ryland and I were married on a hot summers morning. Exchanging teary vows under a canopy of flowers and shrubbery. Our first dance was the to the song Distant Lover by Marvin Gaye. Which had become our song when we were just fresh lovers, dancing in our crappy apartment kitchen with pancakes burning on the stove. We still held hands under the table at dinner, staring into each others eyes blushing. The day we become one was the best of our lives. Everything seemed to slip into place, it just felt right. Both our small families and friends coming together to help us celebrate. I never thought we would ever be apart.

“Mrs Grace”

Stratt stood in the doorway of my apartment. A tall bodyguard behind her. Gray and cold as always. “Ava?” I said.

A few months ago Stratt had approached your husband about a job. Project Hail Mary. I wasn’t supposed to know all the ins and outs of this project but on the rare occasion I got a phone call from Ryland he told me. I was his wife for god sake.

“Mrs Grace may I please come in?” She motioned to the room.

“Okay?”

I stepped back and let her and the man in. She was wearing a black cap and holding a messenger bag in one hand and laptop in another. She sits on my olive green sofa and sighs.

“Mrs Grace I regret to inform you there was an accident at the launch pad a few days ago.” She spoke.

I gasped. “Is everyone okay? Is Ryland okay?”

“One of the scientists who volunteered for Project Hail Mary was unfortunately killed in the accident.” She took her hat off. “You may want to sit”

My hands shook. I couldn’t breath. Everything she was saying sounded like a dream, like I was underwater. “We had to send Dr Grace in his place.” The coffee mug I was holding hit the floor and smashed.

“What?” I barely croaked out.

“I am sorry. It was for the greater good. He was the best scientist on my team. Believe me he did not take it lightly-“

“Stop talking!” I yelled. “You sent my husband on a suicide mission he didn’t even want to go on!” I cried now. Tears hitting my cheeks as I pointed in Stratts face. The bodyguard stepped closer. Now I was panicking. Emotions taking over. My whole body felt like I’d been in a car crash. My chest was crushed, my head was swirling. “I’m going to vomit.” I said. “Please tell me you’re lying.”

“We have a collection of his items for you.” She opened the messenger bag and pulled out a small box. I cried harder realising all of this was real. “We did also sample his DNA” she spoke. I shuddered as I wiped my tears, trying to catch my breath. “If you ever wanted a child, we could sample your DNA and make an embryo”

“Why would I want to bring a child up in a world that’s dying. ON MY OWN!” I screamed now. The audacity of this woman. Thinking what she was doing was right. “Get out.”

She pulled a few files out her bag first and placed them on the coffee table, then stood to leave. As soon as the door shut I broke down, collapsing to the floor. Sobbing so hard I could barely breath.

This went on for some time, weeks turned into months and months turned into years. My neighbours called a wellness check on me once with how much I was crying. I was treated differently now, in work, in public, everyone looked at me with pity. I guess some people understand what I’m going through, those who have lost loved ones well before their time.. Most of these people could grieve in private. Me? I was like a celebrity now. I will never forget the first time I was asked to do a public speech for America. My husband was the hero, not me. Neither of us chose this life, and they wanted me to stand on a podium about how righteous I was for sacrificing my love. Fuck off. They even made a little grave in a nearby cemetery for people to go and visit. I didn’t know how to feel about that, I guess it was to help people have somewhere to put their grief. Not me.

Like Stratt said, the earth got colder. It wasn’t noticeable at first but after 3 years, winter was coming earlier and earlier, summer wasn’t scorching anymore, and food and oil prices were through the roof. In one of those files she left me she explained I was entitled to some form of compensation from multiple governments, considering I was married to Ryland who it was supposed to go to, but he wasn’t here. It wasn’t much but it certainly helped. With this money I bought a house, a new car, things to keep me going.

Distant lover, oh lover

You should think about me, say a prayer for me

Please, please baby,

Think about me sometime, think about me

Here in misery, misery

I spent alot of my time in the garden of my house, staring at the stars, playing that Marvin Gaye record. I had a telescope gifted to me by Ryland for one of our wedding anniversary’s. It was currently programmed to follow Saturn, as the earth rotates Saturn would go out of view so they made telescopes with certain functions so they follow planets. I guessed Ryland was near there, I wasn’t a scientist so I had no idea how fast he would be travelling, I just know in about 7 years he will wake up on his ship, no idea what happened to him or me. Only two crew mates to be with.. A tear rolled down my face.

It was a few months later when my phone rang while I was in the grocery store. “Mrs Grace” a Dutch accent spoke into my ear. I scoffed as I picked up some bread and placed in my cart.

“Stratt” I said bluntly.

“Later in the day the world leaders are all going to make an announcement. I need to discuss something with you before hand.”

I eyed up some cheese, we haven’t had cheese for a while now. “What are you on about” I swapped the phone to my other ear.

“I will be at your house in 1 hour. Do not be late.” The phone beeped as she hung up. I scoffed again and threw it in my purse.

An hour later on the dot, a knock came at my door. I opened and the red head and her body guard walked in. I wasn’t happy to see them, if anything it reminded me of the day Ryland… I can’t even think about it.

“Mrs Grace. The world leaders are soon to announce probably the biggest risk in human history later tonight.”

I listened as she told me that the same coma they put Ryland and the two crew members in was to be distributed world wide, if the planet really was going to become an ice age and wipe out the planet then when they eventually find a cure for the astrophage problem they will need some population. They can’t just start again. So, most of the world population will be moved underground, into cold giant sleeping pods where everyone will be in a coma for who knows how long. It will slow down aging until it almost stops, but it can’t stop because that would kill you. Most world leaders, government officials and scientists have opted out, they need to stay awake to make sure everyone else survives, and then also need to be awake when and if the Hail Mary makes contact with their findings.

“Because you are wife to Dr Grace, you have been offered a bed. At first they were being bought by greedy billionaires and their wives, but we have taken over. Everyone has a fair chance, if you opt out, your bed will go to the next person. It’s a lottery”

I didn’t know if this was good or bad. I guess good because Stratts right, in any situation the billionaires would be greedy and buy it all for their friends and shareholders. It disgusted me. But this system meant people of all ages, races, culture and wealth were offered a bed.

Everything moved quickly after that, it truly was like doomsday on earth. Think of the movie 2012 but without the earth eating itself, just the chaos of people. I accepted the long nap for some reason. I guess it was almost 50/50, I either stay awake and suffer with depression or I can kind of slowly die, peacefully. If the Hail Mary never make contact then I will wake up to a cold dark world and die with everyone else.

As I reminisce, ah baby

Through our joyful summer together

The promises we made

All the daily letters

Then all of a sudden

Everything seemed to explode

Now I gaze out my window

Sugar, down a lonesome road

“Grace have mate? Question?” Rocky asked.

Ryland sighed. His eyes glossing over as he fiddled with his wedding ring. “Uh yeah bud, her name is (Y/n)”

Rocky squealed “Rocky love (Y/n)” Ryland chuckled as Rocky happily bounced around in his ball, yeah me too, he thought.

Rocky continued to ask questions about (Y/n) which helped Ryland through his grief. He hated Stratt, he didn’t even get to say goodbye. He cried for a while when he first woke up, first he lost his two crew mates and now he lost you. He used to sit flicking through pictures they had packed last minute of you two for hours. His favourites included one of you in the bath, clay mask smeared on your face and bubbles up to your shoulders. Another was a sneaky shot of his, you were stood in the kitchen of your shared apartment, just one of Rylands tops on and plain black panties, grinning at him. His memories slowly came back which just made the grieving process worse. But soon the grief turned into motivation, you were alone on that planet with a dying sun, the least he could do was his duty. Then of course he met Rocky. Another alien who was years away from his home, also missing a mate back home. They helped each other through the grief.

I awoke with a startle, like in a dream when you fall and your body jolts you awake. “Mrs Grace, welcome back” a small female voice said. I rubbed my eyes and groaned. I felt so tired, where even was I? What was happening? I looked down and I was laying in a hospital bed, multiple IVs and lines of medicine going in my arms. “Welcome to 2028”

What. 16 years? I layed back. The nurse continued to explain what had been happening while I was asleep but I didn’t really listen. All I could think of was Ryland. If they’ve woken me up surely they’ve heard something, the nurse looks cheery enough. I moved from my bed with a groan, my limbs were so heavy, “Mrs Grace we recommend staying in bed” the nurse spoke.

“I want to see out the window” I croaked. She nodded and gently helped me up and over to the window. I was above ground, which was good. The view was unreal. A long countryside dusted with a light layer of snow and fog. “Is the sun okay?” I questioned.

The nurse smiled and nodded. “She will be.”

It took me a few days to really wrap my head around, I looked in the mirror of the bathroom in my hospital room, I hadn’t changed a bit. I mean my hair was a lot longer, and I maybe lost a little weight but other than that I even felt the same. Who knew being in a coma for 16 years just felt like a really long sleep. After I was eating and sleeping fine the doctors signed me off and allowed me to go and mingle with all the other people they were slowly waking up. We were in a little town, similar to mine back home. I didn’t even know what country I was in anymore, after doomsday we were all just thankful to be alive.

I was sat in my little cottage, in a rocking chair with some hot chocolate when the farm door creaked open. I peered over. A woman stood in the door, Stratt. I was almost happy to see her. “Stratt” I said, standing up. She stood into the light and smiled in pity. She was older, her once red hair now a light grey, wrinkles settled into her face.

“I have received word from Hail Mary” she spoke. My heart stopped. “The beetles arrived about a month ago, Captain Ryland Grace has successfully managed to find a solution to astrophage and after doing multiple experiments we have been seeing a decrease in astrophage reproduction.”

“So, the sun will survive?” I asked stroking my arm. My face felt hot, I was welling up.

She nodded and I cried. I couldn’t believe it. My husband and his crew had successfully saved our entire planet and sun and therefore our solar system.

“I have more.” She said. I wiped my tears and watched as she placed a laptop on my coffee table. “I have compiled all the video logs Dr Grace made for you, this laptop is yours.” She turned the screen to face me and I saw hours and hours of video logs facing me.

I sat down and pulled the laptop closer. Just the thumbnails were making me cry again, seeing his face in a little square knowing he made it. She left at some point, leaving me just staring at the laptop not knowing what to do. So I decided to handle it the adult way, I went to my kitchen and made a nice hearty meal and then plugged the laptop into my tv. I used the touchpad to click on the first video and pressed play.

The first few minutes were gut wrenching, I’m guessing Stratt cut out most of it but it was Ryland just crying and saying his sorrows, he explained his two crew mates didn’t survive the coma so it was just him.. After a few more videos I could tell he was coming to terms, he started focusing on science. Then I met Rocky. I was absolutely star struck at him. This alien life form had obviously helped my husband process his grief.

“Hello Grace mate (Y/n)!” He mused, Ryland was in the back typing away on his computer as Rocky explained this little mission to me and everything going on.

I sat for hours and hours taking in as much footage as I could, even rewinding a few times to fully comprehend the science they were explaining.

“Hi (Y/n)” Ryland spoke. This was one of the few times he had directely named me. “I’m having a rough time,” he held his head in his hands as he spoke. “I have this hole in my chest, it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt, the grief of losing you but you’re not really gone.” His voice cracked. “I hope you have found someone else, someone you like.” He paused. “Actually I’m just saying that but I hope for your sake that you do whatever it takes to be happy. I’m sorry I couldn’t leave a piece of myself with you, or say goodbye. I’m just-I’m so-sorry” The video ended just as he got emotional.

A few more hours of video and he explained he wasn’t coming home, the taumoeba was eating through the zenonite cases they had made and he explained Rocky’s ship was made of zenonite. He showed the beetles and everything he was sending back before the screen went dark. It was just me, staring back at my black tv screen. I sobbed for a bit, my brave handsome husband had chosen to save Rocky because he saved him. I couldn’t be more proud.

I dreamt of him that night, unknowingly falling asleep on the sofa.

The next day I drove to a nearby dog shelter. A few rich people and world leaders who stayed awake kept their dogs with them and kept breading them leading to too many dogs and no enough humans. I walked around for bit until I found a medium sized mangy dog, he was brown with brittle through his coat. “He’s got a lovely temperament ma’am” the young worker said to me.

“I’ll take him.” I said.

“Come on Rocky!” I shouted. I’ve had Rocky a year now, he was a terrier cross something but I loved him. We were currently finishing our morning walk in the park. My phone started buzzing when Rocky dropped the tennis ball at my feet. I pulled the phone out and read the screen. Stratt.

“Hello Mrs Grace.” She spoke.

“Hello Stratt.” I spoke back, I threw the ball for Rocky and he barked as he chased it.

“I’m sending a car to pick you up in about 30 minutes. Be ready.” Beep beep beep.

She hung up. I scoffed. She didn’t even ask if I was busy? Whatever. I was ready, like she said. I took Rocky home and changed into semi professional clothes, I’d been allowed to listen in on some new government meetings and so on. Again because my husband “sacrificed” himself they all think they need to give back to me by letting me in these meetings and having my input. Most were about food or money or the economy. It had only been a few months since everyone woke up though so I’m not entirely sure what they’re expecting.

“Babies.” A Russian female spoke. “We need babies” she spoke again.

We were all sat around a huge round table, respective flags placed on our side. Some people have a translator with them but most knew English. A spokeswoman for Great Britain stood up. “We know not everyone survived the Great Sleep” oh yeah, they were calling it the ‘Great Sleep’ now for history books I guess. “We have a population problem, even if we gradually woke everyone, it wouldn’t been enough to keep the economy stable. We need a baby boom.”

I sat silently next to Stratt on the drive back to my home. They explained it was like after World War 1 or 2, the economy was shot and people did their duty by having babies. Baby boom. So their solution was more money towards family care, more support and things put into place to help people have babies. Stratt was next to me, typing something away on her laptop. “Hey Stratt” I spoke. She continued typing but made a sound of acknowledgment. “You know all those years ago you said you harvested some of Rylands DNA, do you still have it?”

She nodded. “Yes. It was frozen in NASA’s archives.”

“I think I can help with the baby boom...”

Distant lover, ooh sugar

How can you treat my heart so mean and cruel? Didn't you know, sugar,

That every moment that I spent with you

I treasured it, like it was precious jewel, ah baby

Lord, have mercy, ooh

It was a wonderful spring morning when Franklin was welcomed into the world. He weighed 7.5lbs and was possibly the calmest baby ever. I cried when I saw his eyes, they were just like Rylands. I know what you’re thinking Frankin? After Benjamin Franklin? No, he’s named after Rosalind Franklin who discovered the DNA double helix. Because without Rylands DNA, Franklin wouldn’t be here.

I spent countless nights feeding him, soothing him back to sleep. His nursery was space themed, i remember painting the walls a deep purple and hanging paper remakes of the planets from ceiling. I even hung up Tau Ceti and a small paper Hail Mary.

Taking him to park with Rocky was one of my favourites., I met a few nice old ladies on their morning walk who would gush over him. They once asked where his daddy was and I had to do the awkward, ‘my husband is deceased’ talk. They never asked again but still loved to see Franklin.

He reminded me so much of Ryland at only a few months old. It devastated me to know he’ll never meet him, but i decided he would always know who he was and what he did to save us.

It was late in the day now, Franklin was napping in the cot next to my sofa, I was gently rocking it with my foot while eating dinner. My ears perked up when I heard the familiar rumble of an engine on my drive and after two small knocks I knew who it was.

“Stratt, can we do this another day Franklin is sleeping” I say as I open the door. She’s there as I guessed, looking different.

“Mrs Grace this is important. You must come now.” She demanded. I was stunned. She was always straight to the point yes but never demanding. “We have a baby seat for your son. Please, as quickly as possible.” She pointed to the black SUV.

So, I wrapped Franklin up in a blanket, managed to sneak in a baby bag and luckily I was in semi okay pyjamas, they had teddy beard on but hey when Stratt calls you answer. It was silent the whole journey and my mind raced. Is the astrophage coming back? Or is there another world ending thing going to happen.

She brought me to an unknown building, it was dark so I wasn’t really sure where I was. After she passed security with some officers we walked down some cold pale blue halls, Franklin was whimpering in my arms, probably complaining about all the moving. We got to two heavy wooden double doors and she pushed them open. A room full of more government officials and a TV mounted on the wall opposite to me. Great, she couldn’t have warned me, I would’ve changed.

“Mrs Grace.” The American president said. President Garcia, she’d been elected in the ‘New World’ not too long ago, the first female president and it only took 16 years of everyone sleeping to finally get it right. I stopped thinking. Hang on. Nobody had ever actually addressed me at these meetings before “Please sit.” She motioned to an empty chair. I sat and someone placed a glass of water infront of me. “I’m sure you know who I am, but I’m just here as an official, I will hand you over to Mr Izaacman who is the president of NASA” nasa?

The gentleman next to her stood. “Mrs Grace” he said. “We have news.” He moved so he was standing next to the big tv screen on the wall. “We have been monitoring the solar system for a while, as you know one of the beetles was still on course to return.” He explained. A diagram came up on the beetles route back from Tau Ceti to earth, they didn’t all come back at the same time see, sometimes space dust and rocks can get in the way. “But, we found something else.” The image changed.

The Hail Mary.

“We spotted it a few days ago, just out the orbit of the moon.”

Everything stopped. It was like a flash bang had gone off in the middle of the room. My ears rang and tears rolled down my face. “Do we know if-“

“He’s alive ma’am.”

“Oh my god” I sobbed now. He’d come home. I didn’t care about anything else, I had time to ask him how and why he got here later I just cared about Ryland. Even Stratt had a small smile on her face, god Ryland was probably going to beat her ass when he gets down here. I held Franklin up to my chest and sobbed into his baby blanket. A lady official next to me gentle rubbed my back as I cried. The room fell quiet as they let me calm down and gather myself. “How long do we think it will take to rescue him?” I asked.

“We’ve sent astronauts up to the ISS ready for extraction. All together with the travel it’ll be about 5 days.” He explained the ISS sits closer to the earths orbit than the moons. So they’d need to actually get to the moon first to extract Ryland out. “He might need a few days to adjust-“

“No.” Stratt said. Mr Izaacman looked shocked. “He won’t need to adjust to anything, you’ve missed key information.” Stratt stood now, making her way to the Tv. She pointed “This here is the centrifuge. He is using it.” She explained because he was using the centrifuge he was already prepping himself for earths gravity, so he wouldn’t be as shocked by earth’s gravity when he comes back down.

These next five days drag. Everything was a chore, eating, sleeping, just taking my eyes away from the live feed was difficult. So I’ve sat and watched nearly every live feed of the mission but like everyone said, the travel is what took the longest. They televised the start of it, sending the astronauts out to the moon and to find Hail Mary, but they explained nothing else would be filmed.. I just waited. They set up a room for me at NASA, Ryland was going to be hospitalised for a bit after so I needed to stay with him. Franklin was restless, not like himself at all. Maybe it was the change of environment, I didn’t know.

And now I was waiting. In a room with a few government officials.. In the next few minutes he was going to come through those doors. The astronauts sent up to extract him had done so successfully, and had orbited the earth until safely crash landed in a nearby open field. It was televised around the world but I didn’t watch. I wanted to see him with my own eyes.

The room was cold, and silent apart from the clock ticking above me. A nurse was looking after Franklin at the moment, they decided to first test Rylands reaction to just me and then see how much change his body can handle. I heard voices down the hall, multiple, all conversing and laughing. My heart raced. “Dr Ryland Grace” i heard a female voice say, the American president was welcoming him. I couldn’t listen to anything else. My ears were ringing with nervousness, my heart felt like it was going to jump out my chest. And then the doors opened.

Ryland Grace. As handsome and smiley as ever, stared right at me. I slowly stood as tears ran down my face, I’d even put a bit of make up on today fuck. His smile faltered, and he blinked. “(Y/n)?” He spoke. Oh it was like music to my ears. All those years of hearing him through a video I finally get to hear his real voice. I nodded and slowly took a step forward. He removed his glasses and I watched as his eyes glossed over, “no it can’t-“

“It is Ry, I’m okay.”

He bolted towards me. Taking me into his chest as he gripped me tight, he sobbed as he stroked my hair. “I can’t believe you’re okay” he whined. “Oh my god you’re-“ he pulled back and looked at me, his cheeks red and wet from crying. “You’re alive.” He broke into a full sob now, legs giving out under him. I cried and just cradled him for god knows how long. Eventually the officials left and our crying stopped.

“You saved us all Ryland.” We’d moved to a small sofa in the room now, it was hard and uncomfortable, like a sofa in a doctors waiting room. I was playing with his hands, making sure he was actually real and okay. He just kept repeating how grateful he was that I was alive and how I didn’t look a day older than when he left when I should be 16 years older.

He took my face in his hands, “You’re as beautiful as the day I left you.” He said tears welling in his eyes. “Can I kiss you? Are you even still married to me I me-“

I leaned in and kissed him. I felt him relax under my lips. As I pulled away I rest my hand on his jaw. “I was always yours Ryland. That was never ever going to change.” He leaned into my touch and closed his eyes.

“Good I was terrified you’d gone off with some guy called Mark or seomthing.” He sniffled and laughed.

“I do have some news though” I said. That panic in his eye came back, he shuffled in his seat and his shoulders tightened. I took his hands in mind. “It’s wonderful news, I promise.” He relaxed a bit and I stood, I held my finger up motioning to wait for a moment and opened the door to the room. The nurse with Franklin was stood outside, rocking him in her arms as instructed. “He’s been a delight Mrs Grace.” She said as she handed the bundle of blankets to me. I thanked her and walked back inside.

Ryland had his back to me, still sat on the uncomfortable sofa, staring at his hands in his lap. I gulped and slowly settled back into my seat. Rylands eyes met mine and then slowly scanned down towards the small sleeping human wrapped in blankets,“This is Franklin Ryland Grace. Your son” Ryland was mesmerised. “Do you want to hold him?” I asked, Ryland nodded as a tear rolled down his cheek. I gently placed Franklin in his arms and Ryland cried even more.

“Oh my god.” He blubbered. “How- I mean- oh my god he’s beautiful” His hand came up to stroke Franklins face and Frankin made little baby noises in return. I explained the process to Ryland, how Stratt kept his DNA all these years and how technology advanced they were able to create an embryo. He just sobbed, he apologised for not being there for the birth or the first few months of his sons life but promised to be there every step of the way from now on. We both sat in each others arms, admiring our creation, going from silently crying to giggling at eachother catch up stories. It was bliss, after everything that had happened we had ended up back here. Where we were meant to be. Together.

Oh baby, don’t go

Please come back, baby

Something I wanna say

When you left you took all of me with you

Now, Lord

I wonder do you wanna hear me scream and plead

Please please please come back home

Please, baby, come back

“Would you like a coffee mommy?”

I squinted up at Ryland, who’s head was poking out porch door. “Yes please my love. An iced one!” I spoke back.

I was back in my garden. Where I was watching Saturn all those years ago. Still listening to Marvin Gaye but now with my toddler who was colouring on a blanket on the lawn, my dog who was sunbathing near him, and my star travelling husband who I waited for so many years. I still couldn’t believe it.

Ryland appeared again with two glasses of iced coffee and handed one to me, “hang on.” He said taking it back and sipping it. “Yup that’s the decaf one.” I giggled and rested the glass on my belly. “How is she?” He questioned.

I smiled brightly and rubbed my belly. “Naughty. It feels like she’s going to come out of my ribs.” I say.

Ryland leaned over and rest his palm over my belly, gently feeling our second baby kick him. I smooth my hand over his and gently held his hand. I smiled at him. His baby blue eyes smiled back and lifted my hand to kiss the back of it. “I’ve travelled 12 light years and back for you.” He spoke, his eyes glossing over.