Detrimental

You look happy with her by your side.

You showed me love, joy, and contentment

You purposely unfold my deepest secrets

I showed you all my vulnerability

I thought I was doing the same to you

Maybe I was wrong or was I right?

You’re heart so unsure made it hard

Hard to read, hard to love, and hard to forget

It almost feels like solving a perfect crime

Whom a killer murdered someone without leaving any evidence

Yes, you did the same.

You took my innocent fragile heart and stabbed it a thousand time

and left it out in the void. Shattered.

You played me.

All of the make up in the world wont cover the scars in me from loving you

It’s easy to crumple a piece of paper but it’s hard to fold what i feel for you

It’s easy to cut my long hair that you like but it’s hard to cut our ties

our friends say “time heals everything”

but it’s been a long cycle and I still feel the same

Looking through my phone old photos of us I saw you, I’m still falling deep

Stopping the time made me realize our love is over

they say that time flies but you keep breaking it’s wings

I can’t seem to stop my tears from sliding down my cheeks

pain stings today too the same as yesterday

reality hits differently everyday our love is really over.

You turned away from me breaking me through

was once an enthusiastic girl

was once a very loving girl

born a princess

grew up a queen

so high down below

no one can destroy her

no one she thought so

life’s so cruel to her she grew

a wicked heart people knew

cruel? no.

she never experience love

not once.

this queen so strong

like a chariot speed fell in love

to a man she thought was different

they fell in love

so happy, so conceited, she thought so

she forgot the wickedness in her

she let her guards down for love

she thought was light

the light slowly turns into darkness

the love she knew vanished

confused, lost, and broken

hatred filled her heart

grief given someone died

tears fills her eyes the agony she cannot bear

cursed to death someone died because of her recklessness

she killed herself because she risked her heart

to someone she thought who will love her like no other

he never told her the lies.

it was hidden deep the graveyard

he doesn’t love her because he loves somebody else

such cruelty and selfishness

he took it for granted

everything she did, built, and sacrificed

he left her in the darkness

the queen she knew became sore with bruises

she’s tired of empty promises and conversations

silence was her loudest battle cry

though I confessed my feelings

I consider risking it all

I know it would kill the shit out of me

I know everything will fall

I knew it all along

I was right

Today you left a void not just in my heart but also in my world. I didn’t know goodbyes could be this so hard. I thought I was numb, I thought I was emotionless, I thought I was fine, I thought no other thing can make me cry.

But, I was wrong.

Maybe I was denying my own emotions out of fear? Let me deny it once more as I try to convince myself that maybe it was all a bad dream. I can’t afford to say good bye because I knew it’ll hurt a little bit more.

But, I was wrong.

If you’d ask me to rate the sadness of you moving? I’d rate it 10 as the perfect score. You know why? because I’ve never felt sadness like this before.

Yes, sadness.

As I am writing this, I promise to myself earlier that I won’t cry this hard. I lied once more. It is almost impossible to say farewell to you as you made such a huge impact to my life. You were the best.

Yes, you’re the best.

This was a very unique journey, I didn’t even expect that we would be this close. I lit the candle that you gave (but I will tell you more about it soon) I was sad. No. My emotion were muddled. But, one thing is for sure.

Have you ever love someone?

at the right moment but at the wrong time

the right moment when you first saw him

you fell in love

the wrong time when you first talked

he wasn’t in love

Has your heart felt pain?

perhaps no

you were in denial

Somehow you knew that

he doesn’t like you like a lover do

he was kind

he was sweet

he cares for you a lot

you love him since then

he doesn’t love you still

he knew , he always knew that

there were other beautiful girls than you

You try to deny what you feel even more

and even more you were not getting numb

Oh, darling!

you were so foolish thinking that he feels the same.

you’re intellectually balanced

but

emotionally stupid.