Stuff I Found

as a child of divorce few things are as funny to me as the concept of alimony like you have to pay your ex-wife recompense for the crime of being a fail husband

you sit down at the plastic table because your partner likes being outside at the bar even though it’s 90 degrees and 60% humidity at 10pm and you thought this corduroy dress was soooo cute but now youre all sweaty and so one of your balls has escaped your panties but youre wearing fishnets so your loose nut is now dying like a sea turtle in a six pack ring and youre the desperate diver trying to save it but blind and one handed and stone faced cause you can’t draw attention to the fact that youre doing a high stakes wildlife rescue on your stupid scrotum in public because it might turn into a six month news cycle and desantis might fly out to personally bulldoze the bar. and its a thursday

i dreamt this post got 19k notes overnight and everyone i knew had disowned me for for my cat 5 Sack Slip event

you can’t do this shit to me for a second i thought i had missed something important

Sighs loudly and dramatically in a way that suggests I desire attention

Jinkies

Jeepers!

Zoinks!

Ruh roh!

FUCK

My favorite part of this post is that it implies Fred is the one saying “FUCK” because we know who typically says the other 4 things

which makes sense as he’s the one who actually legally owns it

The ancient texts were true… They DO have a reaction image for everything…

when im not laughing and having fun i'm being tortured and tormented and psychically attacked. that's what it's like being a dark jester

A big part of being a quadruped is being able to just lie down anytime. Waiting? Loaf time. Talking to someone shorter than you? Loaf time. Falling asleep in the sun? Loaf time. Bored? Loaf it up till something interesting happens. Leg hurt? Loaf time.

heyyy i wanna see more bottom-on-top cnc. hey. riding someone forcefully. do you hear me. come here. whimpering and struggling while they get undeniably hard in you.

You have to listen to the basic melody a while before you start to improvise.