excelsior

Aaron really is the foundation to Andrew finding a sense of purpose in life because he found Aaron and made his deal with him he then joined the foxes so Aaron could get his degree then because he joined the foxes he made his deal with Kevin who then led him to Neil so when you think about it andreil is all Aaron’s fault he brought the horrors on himself

we talk a lot about how much of a revelation andrew’s confession is for neil, and not enough about how revelatory neil’s reaction is for andrew. because like. imagine you like this boy. but he doesn’t swing. you know the answer would be “no,” so there’s no point in even asking. then he goes and gets himself needlessly tortured for you, and tells you there’s no amount of suffering he wouldn’t endure for you. not because he thinks you’re weak, but because he thinks you’re worth protecting. he says things that you would interpret as advances if it were literally anyone else. you remind yourself that he doesn’t swing. now you’re at eden’s and he’s asking about your feelings for him in 12 different ways. he really wants to know. so you tell him, in the most casual and crass way you can, thinking that’ll put an end to it. but unfathomably, it doesn’t. he asks you why you didn’t tell him. why would you have? it would have been a “no.” you say that, and instead of confirming it, he just echoes your words, clearly still reeling. you start to leave, and he tells you that he wants to keep playing your game. while the absence of a “no” is obviously not the same thing as a “yes,” you’ve been operating for months and months under the assumption that the answer would be unequivocal. so you keep waiting for that answer, but it never comes. for the first time since you met him, you wonder if maybe it’s not a “no” after all. if maybe you could have this. you can’t remember the last time you were able to have something you wanted. the world tilting on its axis, indeed.

thinking about adam in bllb saying “it seemed impossible for all of ronan to exist in one person” because adam always had to change himself to be less to get by. but then theres ronan, and suddenly adam knows ronan can bring things from his dreams, and is spending more time with him, and knows about his family, and knows that “while he’d been looking at ronan, ronan had been looking at him” and so maybe adam can be more, not just an overworked aglionby student desperately trying to get by, or one of ganseys friends, but adam parrish, his own person, someone “worthy of a crush, not just by anyone, someone like ronan” and it’s terrifying and maybe gratifying but suddenly adam is realising how much ronan means to him, and how “adam was beginning to realize that he hadn't known ronan at all” and “he had known part of him and assumed it was all of him” but he wants to know ronan, and wants to know himself too.

Neil doesn’t like being touched in his sleep. but the very first thing he does when he wakes up is instinctively press his back against Andrew’s chest, already knowing Andrew is awake too. a heartbeat later, Andrew’s hand settles at Neil’s waist, quietly pulling him the rest of the way into his arms.

Haha-ing & teehee-ing over the idea of Andrew in the kitchen chopping onions and he’s doing his best to not let his eyes water meanwhile he has both the cats AND Fox hybrid! Neil sat to the side watching him, all three of their eyes watering and Andrew keeps grinding his teeth and snapping “You can LEAVE you know,” but all three refuse like their lives depend on just watching Andrew and being a pain in his ass

Neil has a habit of slowly slipping lower until his face disappears into the crook of Andrew’s neck or against his chest. he doesn’t even try to hide the deep breath he draws in, filling his lungs with Andrew’s scent as though searching for the one place where nothing else in the apartment can reach him, where there’s only Andrew. “You smell like yourself,” he murmurs, his lips never leaving Andrew’s skin. “Were you expecting someone else’s?” Andrew asks, absentmindedly combing his fingers through Neil’s curls. Neil only answers with a quiet grunt, shaking his head before burrowing even closer. again and again, he makes the same tiny adjustments, clumsily trying to melt into Andrew without disturbing him, until Andrew finally lets out a quiet sigh. “You’ve got ten minutes.” It’s all the permission Neil needs. the very next second, his legs are hopelessly tangled with Andrew’s, his arms wrapped securely around Andrew’s lower back as he presses every inch of himself as close as physically possible. soon, the only part of him still visible is the crown of red hair tucked beneath Andrew’s chin. “Junkie.” Andrew rolls his eyes, thoroughly trapped in a position that isn’t particularly comfortable, but at least Neil finally stops squirming. the top of Neil’s head rests directly beneath Andrew’s lips, making it almost inevitable that he scatters a few absentminded kisses there as they talk. eventually, Andrew shifts, sliding a hand beneath Neil’s back before rolling him fully underneath him, pinning him gently between the mattress and his own body as he settles his weight on top. the moment Andrew’s scent completely overwhelms every other smell in the room, Neil lets out a muffled, deeply content little “Yeah…” as his hands instinctively stroke Andrew’s back and sides. Andrew isn’t entirely sure whether that quiet “yeah” is Neil’s response to being called a junkie or something slipped out from his unconscious mind, but judging by the way Neil melts beneath him, he clearly prefers this position. resting his chin atop Neil’s head, Andrew presses another lingering kiss into his hair, breathing in the clean scent left behind by Neil’s evening shower. “I’ll make it twenty,” he murmurs quietly. “if it's too hard—wheeze." Neil’s arms only tighten more firmly around Andrew’s waist locking them together, making it perfectly clear that he couldn’t care less about the discomfort if it means holding onto this moment for just a little longer.

whenever Neil is standing underneath the wall-mounted cabinet, Jean casually swings the cabinet door back and forth a few times with exaggerated force, watching it ruffle the hair on top of Neil’s head as it passes just inches from his crown. Neil just fixes him with a thoroughly unimpressed look that says, “You think that’s funny?”

i honestly think if mary was presumed dead but showed up post-foxes beating the ravens game that neil would have a fucking heart attack and freak out if she so much as Looked at andrew. she would turn up and neil would immediately be possessed by his entire life worth of mommy issues and as such would seem to be acting So Weird to the other foxes but andrew who Knows The Most about neil's mommy issues is reaching for his knives like Sigh, Here We Go Again, Miss Neil's Mother I Need You To Drive Me Somewhere and mary is like Abram Who Is This Young Knife-Wielding Man and neil is frothing at the mouth like No One He Is Most Absolutely Definitely No One Important At All while vibrating at the speed of light. and ofc in this scenario mary is obviously going to try to get neil to leave with her and neil is like No Im Gonna Stay and mary is immediately like. i see. which one is it. then surveys all the girls like this 😐 until she swiftly decides allison is a no, dan is a maybe, and renee is the most likely option for the girl who has Bewitched Her Son. while neil is like Mom Stop Embarrassing Me Also No Don't Kill Her It's Not Her and then andreil do something weird in front of her and she pauses and stares and is like. wait. boys? and neil is like. well....A Boy. just One Boy. and mary is like 😐 and it just happens to be the One Boy with knives. so you have learned nothing from my mistakes. and neil experiences for the very first time what it's like to be so humiliated by a parent that he considers death as a swift and valid form of escape from the situation.

In tkm, after andreils done showering together (hehe) Neil tries to end the truth for truth game cus he has no more secrets and Andrews like nooo we can't end the game I still need to know every thought in your head as u should mine and you're not getting away we should merge souls

Allison discovers that she and Neil have the same eye shape, so every time she wants to experiment with a new eyeshadow palette or dramatic wing, she tries it on Neil first while filling him in on every piece of gossip she’s collected over the past few days. Neil always walks back into their room sporting yet another colorful look, only to be met with one of Andrew’s skeptical raised eyebrows. “How do I look?” Neil asks. “Like a pony threw up on your face.” Neil only smiles, shuffling closer to Andrew, deliberately holding his gaze as those brown eyes inevitably drift upward to inspect the glitter dusted across his eyelids. “I think you like it.” “Thinking isn’t your strong suit,” Andrew replies before hooking a hand around the back of Neil’s neck, pulling him in just to shut him up with a kiss.