zar, any/all pronouns, minors dni, starsworth on ao3
[please do not put my works anywhere near websites such as amazon, lulu, or etsy; do not buy, sell, or profit from my fanfiction through any means!!]
current WIP(s):
at least it's not never — aftg twinyard centric fic where they meet their father, pairings: andreil and kateaaron, wc: 200k+
run, by snow patrol — different first meeting au, neil does parkour and has partial prosopagnosia, pairings: andreil and mentions of background canon ships, wc: 88k+
every breath you take — canon compliant(ish), post tkm, neil starts a stalker binder/junk journal about andrew, pairings: andreil and mentions of background canon ships, wc: 19k+
summary:
Family has always been a complicated thing for Aaron and Andrew, but when it comes to sorting their shit out, they've barely even begun. Despite it all, they don't have it within them to stop trying, though.
Turns out, they get that from their father.
(Or: Andrew and Aaron's senior year looks promising for the leaps and bounds made in brotherhood. Enter their dad, stage left.)
frequently asked questions:
faq:
can i bookbind your fanfiction?
for personal and non-profit use only
can i bookbind your fanfiction and give it as a gift?
yes, as long as there's no profit involved
can i share the typeset i created/the typesets i see for your fanfiction?
id ask that you don't share it publicly, only personally, and only in the instance that you can be certain the person you're sharing it with won't use it for profitable means; if you're not certain or you don't know the person you wish to share it with, please don't
can i repost/reupload your fanfiction on any other platform, such as wattpad etc?
no, never reupload or repost my fics anywhere
can i add your fanfiction to things such as goodreads?
no. im aware they're already there. i wish they weren't
can i translate your fanfiction into a different language?
please check to see if there's already a translation before you do, but if there isn't, then i don't mind as long as it's on ao3 only, with credits/links back to the original fanfic. i also lock my fics so they're only accessible for registered ao3 users, so any translations would need to be locked as well.
can i create a podfic for your fanfiction?
yes, with credits/links back to the original fanfic
can i create fanart/fanedits/cosplays/music etc based on your fanfiction?
yes, go for it! have fun and feel free to send me what you create!
can i create fanfiction of your fanfiction (aus of what you've written, or things just set in the universes you've made)?
as long as it's on ao3 with credits/links back to the original fic, then yes, go for it! have fun and feel free to send me what you create!
i have an idea similar to one of your fanfics, or i've been inspired by something you've written; is that okay with you?
that's more than okay with me! i don't own anything or any ideas, and you don't need my permission to write whatever you want! if you want to give credit, that's perfectly okay, but i won't mind if you don't. unless it's my fics copied word-for-word, i don't mind
i think someone has plagiarized your fics, how can i tell you/what should i do?
if it's not copied word-for-word, to be honest, i really don't care. similar writing/similar ideas isn't something i consider plagiarism, personally. if it is copied word-for-word, then you can send me an ask to let me know, and ill go from there
ive found someone selling your fanfiction, what can i do?
i—and many other writers—have done as much as we can to prevent this from happening, but some people don't care. if you come across it, you can report it/the people selling it to hopefully get it taken down. if you're letting me know, please do so off anon in my asks and with a link, or i may assume it's disingenuous, thank you
do you intend to finish all your WIPs?
i would like to, and i certainly intend to, but i will also be following my muse wherever it takes me
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
something that compels me about the foxes is that the majority of them fundamentally do not like each other. they are Not a found family. they are what's left at the bottom of a barrel, stuck with no way out and desperately wishing who was next to them wasn't. they're like the inverted version of the adversity bonding trope. like, yeah, of course they'll all come together and look out for their own and close ranks, but that doesn't mean they're happy about it. the only thing some of them despise more than each other is someone else trying to get in their way. ive seen people complain about how the foxes don't like each other, or how they treat one another like colleagues (or even less than that) and it's like. that's. that's the point. that's the epitome of what the foxes as a team stands for. they're the traumatized castoffs taken in and given a place when no one else will have them. they're not meant to be friends. they're not meant to be family. they're not meant to form bonds or fall in love or create a sense of community. those things just happen with some of them because they're human. and those things also don't happen with some of them. because they're human. and because they're human and on the same team, whether they like each other or not, they can still win. and they do.
i think about renee's quote "im a bad person trying very hard to be a good person" all the time, and it's like. she literally Isn't a bad person. she never was. when she was in the gang, doing gang-related activities? when she killed a rapist? when she snitched? she was never a bad person through any of that. she couldn't be because she was a child. the idea that she needs faith and has to cover up her inner "darkness" or whatever has always felt so strange to me and i genuinely cannot imagine what led her to that belief other than the restrictive morality of christianity.
to be clear, i get that renee's relationship to her religion (presumably) is on the side of theological grace rather than intolerance (her relationship to andrew is one example of this), but a primary aspect of christianity revolves around sin. the same level of theological grace that she offers others isn't what she offers to herself, which isn't uncommon when it comes to these spaces (catholic guilt, for example).
im not saying that her faith or desire to be a good person is a bad thing. i am saying that im fascinated by the concept of her experiencing religious guilt/trauma and not realizing or fully processing that for a while. and i do wonder about her relationship to her faith and how much of that is dependent on her desire for redemption and how much of it ties into her attachment to stephanie, her foster mother. i don't think stephanie needed renee to embrace christianity to take care of or love her, but renee was in foster care and if iirc went through multiple homes before she landed with stephanie. so presumably stephanie did something no one else had previously done to make renee feel cared for, loved, and accepted, and in the end, helped renee find her faith. i wonder how much of stephanie's relationship to faith plays into renee's, and whether some part of her feels obligated to it, even if she doesn't realize it.
i think about renee's quote "im a bad person trying very hard to be a good person" all the time, and it's like. she literally Isn't a bad person. she never was. when she was in the gang, doing gang-related activities? when she killed a rapist? when she snitched? she was never a bad person through any of that. she couldn't be because she was a child. the idea that she needs faith and has to cover up her inner "darkness" or whatever has always felt so strange to me and i genuinely cannot imagine what led her to that belief other than the restrictive morality of christianity.
to be clear, i get that renee's relationship to her religion (presumably) is on the side of theological grace rather than intolerance (her relationship to andrew is one example of this), but a primary aspect of christianity revolves around sin. the same level of theological grace that she offers others isn't what she offers to herself, which isn't uncommon when it comes to these spaces (catholic guilt, for example).
im not saying that her faith or desire to be a good person is a bad thing. i am saying that im fascinated by the concept of her experiencing religious guilt/trauma and not realizing or fully processing that for a while. and i do wonder about her relationship to her faith and how much of that is dependent on her desire for redemption and how much of it ties into her attachment to stephanie, her foster mother. i don't think stephanie needed renee to embrace christianity to take care of or love her, but renee was in foster care and if iirc went through multiple homes before she landed with stephanie. so presumably stephanie did something no one else had previously done to make renee feel cared for, loved, and accepted, and in the end, helped renee find her faith. i wonder how much of stephanie's relationship to faith plays into renee's, and whether some part of her feels obligated to it, even if she doesn't realize it.
The thing about childhood abuse is that kids need adults to survive, so they're likely to develop a worldview that justifies their parents' behaviour, often at the cost of their self-perception. So to me Renee's understanding of herself as a bad person goes way back, to being mistreated by her parents and later by the adults in the gang. Eventually she came to recognise they were in the wrong, but by then she had already built her sense of self around the idea that she was a bad girl who grew into a bad woman.
I think what Stephanie gave her was new parameters for that feeling she already had. Okay, maybe you have done bad things, but there is always a chance for redemption. You can become a better person by doing x, y, z.
It would probably have been healthier for her to be given a different system through which to understand her actions, one where the focus was on "hey, you were a child, you did nothing wrong, you were a victim of your circumstances, and you can work on your self-love to become the person you want to be without denying your feelings or impulses". But I don't think religion originated the problem, it just made it pretty hard to work through (by saying "actually yeah, you sinned because we're all sinners. You can be better by repressing your worst impulses and burying your worst thoughts").
But I definitely don't think she can both be truly happy and repress all the parts of herself she considers "bad" forever. Something's gotta give eventually. She'll have to find a way to work through her childhood in a real, meaningful way. Whether that journey leads her back to her religion (now with a better understanding of herself and not to use it as a tool for repression and repentance. Religion can be made one's own in healthy ways, with a lot of effort and help. I think Nicky might be further along that journey than her even) or it makes her walk away from it entirely is a very interesting question to explore.
yes!!! yes exactly thank u for giving this better words. like, i don't think religion is the source of the problem overall but i do think it has the potential to be a restriction in the same way you mentioned.
her personal journey of self-assessment is genuinely so fascinating. there's so much room there and so much to explore. her relationship with stephanie, her feelings about identity (natalie/renee), how she portrays herself vs what she keeps hidden, etc etc.
i think, realistically, the journey wouldn't make her walk away from her faith (tho i think it would be so interesting if it did), but i feel like she would have a loooot to unpack.
i think about renee's quote "im a bad person trying very hard to be a good person" all the time, and it's like. she literally Isn't a bad person. she never was. when she was in the gang, doing gang-related activities? when she killed a rapist? when she snitched? she was never a bad person through any of that. she couldn't be because she was a child. the idea that she needs faith and has to cover up her inner "darkness" or whatever has always felt so strange to me and i genuinely cannot imagine what led her to that belief other than the restrictive morality of christianity.
to be clear, i get that renee's relationship to her religion (presumably) is on the side of theological grace rather than intolerance (her relationship to andrew is one example of this), but a primary aspect of christianity revolves around sin. the same level of theological grace that she offers others isn't what she offers to herself, which isn't uncommon when it comes to these spaces (catholic guilt, for example).
im not saying that her faith or desire to be a good person is a bad thing. i am saying that im fascinated by the concept of her experiencing religious guilt/trauma and not realizing or fully processing that for a while. and i do wonder about her relationship to her faith and how much of that is dependent on her desire for redemption and how much of it ties into her attachment to stephanie, her foster mother. i don't think stephanie needed renee to embrace christianity to take care of or love her, but renee was in foster care and if iirc went through multiple homes before she landed with stephanie. so presumably stephanie did something no one else had previously done to make renee feel cared for, loved, and accepted, and in the end, helped renee find her faith. i wonder how much of stephanie's relationship to faith plays into renee's, and whether some part of her feels obligated to it, even if she doesn't realize it.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
truly no video game moment will ever surpass the part in portal 2 where glados says "well, this is the part where he kills us" and wheatley says "hello, this is the part where i kill you" and you unlock the achievement titled "the part where he kills you" (description: this is that part) and the chapter title appears on the screen and reads: chapter nine: the part where he kills you
the fascinating thing about being abused is that years later youre gonna be there sitting around going "okay so what now". cause like theres no instruction manual is there
youre gonna be buying groceries and then youre gonna remember you went through all that for literally no good reason and youre gonna go Oh Okay and put paper towels in your bag or whatever
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
