Friend: I am so happy you've been in my life
Me: aw thanks <3 The schizoid: I was a parasite on everyone I have ever met. I am an inhuman danger to society and should be put down.
Cosimo Galluzzi

shark vs the universe

Andulka
trying on a metaphor
KIROKAZE
Peter Solarz
d e v o n

Product Placement
sheepfilms
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Not today Justin

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
wallacepolsom


JBB: An Artblog!

JVL

pixel skylines
Keni

ellievsbear

Love Begins

seen from Germany
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seen from United Kingdom

seen from Morocco

seen from United States
seen from Morocco

seen from Malaysia
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@ix-the-hermit
Friend: I am so happy you've been in my life
Me: aw thanks <3 The schizoid: I was a parasite on everyone I have ever met. I am an inhuman danger to society and should be put down.

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*no notifications* man i am so bored i wish i had more notifications
*many notifications* i will not look at them until i can tolerate the sheer horrific disgust and urge to hide that i feel currently i need to delete everything i am so exposed how do so many people know my existence i am so sick at that thought i need to go missing
No I never got over the disgust at the idea of kissing. The sound, the sensations even just seeing it grosses me out. Why the hell would you want someone else to be that close to you and do all… That?
I genuinely think "human connection is a NEED you cant live without" is a complete lie and propaganda. I dont care if im disordered and that makes me the weird one or whatever but theres no way that's true.
Humanity simultaneously does not bother me and is an intrusive, damaging force on everything it touches

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I hate when people assume things when you want privacy. “Oooh what are you hiding” fuck off stop breathing down my neck
i think sometimes when i am in a new situation and everything is marginally more interesting because it is new i can get into this more social persona during which i dissociate so bad. i literally don't remember anything from these periods. and then it wears off and i feel so disgusted and contaminated. also when i don't see people often, i can almost convince myself that i'm actually normal, because look, the people i speak two sentences per day with don't actually bother me much... even though i still teleport home immediately and never think of them again until the next day. even if we are texting, i don't really compute that this is the same person that exists in the physical world. it's weird
it's torture to try to have an opinion on anything as a schizoid. somebody has a different opinion? suddenly something feels wrong. i don't agree with them, but i also don't disagree with them. and who cares if they are saying something objectively wrong, i need to go along with it.
it's not making a choice to agree. it just happens. i don't suddenly think “they're right and i'm wrong”. i don't actually change my opinion the majority of the time. it's more like a part of that person latches on to me and now i have them encroaching on my thoughts. get out of my head. stop poisoning me. what is this subconscious need to avoid any sort of confrontation.
being online at all is a nightmare. always gambling on if i'll see something that starts a massive internal argument.
its not even funny how accurate that is oh my god
you're telling me the reason i cant trust what i think about 'controversial' topics or wtvtf because my 'opinions' are always fluctuating is not just because im young and inexperience and immature and fucked up, but theres a reason???
omg
Buying food and material posessions in an endless bid for dopamine only to let them rot and collect dust
Stop arguing with me thinking i’ll get emotionally invested, you mean nothing to me

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I fully believe that everyones disorder traits are unique like finger prints
how to make people understand that the ability to functionally socialize does not mean a sudden desire to continue socializing
There’s a common misunderstanding around schizoid personality disorder (SzPD), one that turns a real psychological condition into something to admire. People talk about it as if it only means being emotionally untouchable or completely self-sufficient, like someone who has moved past the chaos of human connection and found inner peace. It sounds appealing, even powerful.
But that picture is far from reality.
SzPD isn’t just about being private or enjoying time alone. It’s a long-term pattern of emotional disconnection that affects how a person relates to others, and often, how they relate to themselves. This detachment isn’t a choice or a strategy to avoid pain. For many, emotional closeness simply doesn’t register as something natural or necessary. It’s not a wall someone puts up, it’s more like a missing part of the wiring.
Traits like introversion or independence can exist without causing harm. They become disorders when they start limiting someone’s ability to function, grow, or connect. SzPD often does exactly that. The distance from others, the limited emotional expression, the lack of desire for relationships.. these are not temporary or protective. They are part of the baseline experience.
People with SzPD often understand emotions in an intellectual way. You can read the room, recognize what others feel, and maybe even describe your own emotions when necessary. But there’s often a sense of separation from the experience itself. Social situations aren’t upsetting or overstimulating, they just feel pointless. You go through the motions because life requires it, not because it brings anything meaningful.
This kind of detachment comes at a cost. It can flatten everything. Motivation drops, curiosity fades, and most things feel dull or distant. It’s not always easy to explain why, but many of the things that seem to give others a sense of purpose don’t feel real or reachable. Connections are rare, and even when they exist, they often lack depth. Over time, it can feel like you’re drifting, not completely isolated, but not rooted anywhere either.
Some people look at this and say it’s an advantage. They admire what they see as emotional discipline or clarity. But not needing people doesn’t mean you’ve gained something, it might just mean you’ve lost access to something important without realizing it.
For me, living with SzPD doesn’t feel like rising above the world. It feels like watching it go by without ever really stepping into it. I can function, I can think clearly, I can handle responsibility if I want to. But there’s a flatness to the experience. The absence of connection doesn’t hurt in an obvious way. It just leaves everything feeling distant and incomplete.

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Its kind of nice that with SZPD people don't really pull that "your symptoms are so relatable 🥺 maybe I have it too 👀" shit I see people do with other PDs. But the downside is if people ever find out you don't care about friendship or connection they immediately start treating you like you're a separate species.
ppl asking "are you okay?" triggers an undescribable deep rage within me